This was posted by a poster called Centipede on belief.net Jehovahs witness challenge and critique board. Where he or she got it from I don't know.
To All Congregations United in Jehovah's Service,
The organization has been under a concentrated criticism lately for our position on new light. How timely it is that this should arise as an issue, because Jehovah in his loving way has provided us with a much clearer scriptural understanding of the light as is revealed through His Will.
We use the term "new light", of course, to mean our current understanding of scripture. Old light is sometimes used to refer to our previous understanding before Jehovah saw fit to clearly reveal his Will for us. But is this all there is to it? No, as we are about to plainly see!
Sometimes Jehovah's people have held a view and then later, taken an entirely different view. In this case we could say that the light was truly entirely new, and this is what we now understand to mean by the expression "new light".
In other cases, we have held a view, and then understood more clearly the meaning of scripture which enhanced our view with new information. This, we shall henceforth refer to brighter light, since it is not new, merely better understood.
Occassionally, we've removed former organizational restrictions and left the matter up to the conscience of the individual. This, we shall henceforth refer to as switched-off light.
There have been times when we've changed our current position back to a position we've had in the past. Henceforth, this will be referred to as recycled Light. As we all know, recycling is good for the environment and we want to do our part to help.
From now on, since the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses are the sole channel of Jehovah's communication with his people, they are then, the earthly head of Jehovah's organization. Henceforth we shall refer to the Governing Body as the Head Light.
When a brother is told by the Elders to cease engaging in any activity which is against the policies of the organization, this will be referred to as a caution light.
Brothers and sisters who desire to do street work preaching should realize that they are providing a very valuable service for busy business people. In view of this, we encourage you to refrain from using the old expression street work, and instead refer to it as giving street light.
We have been informed that there is new archaeological evidence of Jesus' earthly existence! We are so thankful for this new Son Light.
In our upcoming District Assemblies there will be new instructions on where the friends must put their vehicles when they arrive at the Assemblies. This will be discussed in a future Watchtower magazine in an article entitled Parking Light.
That Satan is the prince of darkness, we all know. As a result, any time we have a new understanding regarding Satan or his demons, we now will refer to that as night light.
For those of you who may know him, we are happy to announce that brother John Budd and his wife, Ethel have just had a happy and healthy new son. They have decided to name him Budd Light.
Cordially yours in Jehovah's Faithful Service,
The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society