Mother

donkey

The grey rain streams as tears through the sky
Heaven is dull and I dont know where to turn
I miss you so, I don't know where to go
As I think about you I miss you more and more
My heart aches it is so sore!!
Please God take the pain away it is too much for me to bear
If only I had taken the time to learn how precious each ticking moment would prove to be

I still remember you singing me a lullaby
You cleaned the sores on my knees when I would fall
When I needed you you were always there
Life was always so certain because I always had you for backup
I could face the world - never worried about failing
You were talways there with kind words, words to encourage me to be the best I could possibly be
I excelled - not because of me; but because you were there - failure was never an option
With you there for me I could only succeed at everything I tried

Then one day "they" came and took you from me forever
The time was wrong
I am so devastaed by it even now
I am all grown up
and all alone
You showed me how to touch my own emotions
I was not from the mould of calloused men
"It's Ok to cry" , "know how you feel"
"Learn from Life"
All these cliches sing now to me

I face the world - feeling very vulnerable
Will I succeed? Did I make it because of luck?
What if I fail? How will I know what to do?
You aren't there to love me just for being myself
Everyone wants to love me for what they want me to be in their own mind
I am no longer free
Life was better when you were here for me

Windchaser

(((((((AW, Donkey)))))))

Very nice, very sad.

PS: will you please respond to my thread situated underneath this one?

bikerchic

((((donkey))))

You aren't there to love me just for being myself

Katie (a bit teary eyed now.....)

MrMoe

That is simply beautiful

ugg

((((((((((((((((((((( donkey ))))))))))))))))))

LyinEyes

I really liked you poem , Donkey, it really does describe the feelings I have about missing my mom.

My mom was not always there for me thou. She was neglect , sometimes selfish and had a prescripton drug problem. Not to mention her severe depression and stays at hospitals for mental breakdowns. This was the norm in my home. I wanted my mother so bad, but I was a strong willed child and refused to believe that I need her at all. From the time I was 4 I was talking care of my little sister, 3 yrs younger. I used to have to stand on a chair to get a counter full of dirty dishes washed. I had to comfort my little sister because she was still a baby when mom had her outburst and would lock herself in her room . I learned to cook from a very young age,,,,,,, before microwaves became popular.

I resented my mom for years over this, and I resented her the most for not letting me be a little kid. I needed her just as much as my baby sister . My mom was only 16 when she had me. But I didnt understand her or how hard her life was until she was already gone.

I wish I had more memories of good things about my mom, instead of the big void emotionally I have of her. I have several things she said to me that stick in my mind, but there should be millions of little things to hang on to, but there simply is not as much as I need. I try to hold on to those memories and realise that she had the potential to be the best mother, but life hit her hard. I even forgave her for some things she did that were really no less than physical and emotional child abuse. It took me being a mother myself before I realised all of this. I was always in a state of denial when it came to my home life. I had to get out of there to see that ,growing up the way I did was not normal, not even close.

I just wish I could say that in the end , my mother would always be there for me, but she wasnt. I can only dream that if she could do it all over again, if she is in heaven now, looking down, that she would want to be there for me. I have come to a place of peace with her now, and I think knowing her heart the way I did,,, she would be different if she had the chance to do it all over again. And let me tell ya,,,,,, I would be a different daughter to her too,,,,,,,, I would hate her, I would understand her alot more, I would not have been so judgemental of things I could not comprehend as a child .

Shakita

donkey:

I am so sorry you are missing your Mother. I, too, lost my Mom last year. She was no saint, but who is in this very difficult life. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her, and my Dad who passed away 6 months after her. Mom's and Dad's have alot to live up to, sometimes we fall alittle short.(sometimes alot) We just hope that our children will love us, like we loved our parents...faults and all.

Mrs. Shakita