Dream Squashers

by Scully 6 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Scully

  We were watching "Everybody Loves Raymond" tonight at supper time. It was the episode where Debra decides to try a job outside the home. She doesn't do it for the money - the Barone family is doing just fine on Ray's salary - she does it because she needs something "more" than just being a wife and mother.

  Naturally, there's subtle and not-so-subtle criticism of Debra's desire to do something that will make her feel like a more rounded-out person. Ray's brother, Robert, calls other family members - the ones not supporting Debra's wish - "dream squashers".

  It made me think of how many dreams we've all had "squashed" by JWs and the WTS - both through overt disdain of the thing we want to do, and subtle messages that time would be better spent pursuing "Kingdom interests". Some gave up dreams of a career and settled for just a job. Some gave up relationships. Others gave up having children. Still others turned down opportunities in favor of the WTS's agenda.

  So, what were your dreams that got squashed?? How did they get squashed? (Did someone say something to you? or was there an article in the magazines that made you feel so guilty that you put it on hold?? or did you fall into thinking "there will be plenty of time for that in the New System"?)

  Have you been able to take hold of your dreams again and see them through since you've left the JWs? Tell about that too.

  Love, Scully
• 

  ugg

  other than high school i am uneducated...i would have liked to have gone for more schooling..but...it was so frowned upon,,,,you know,,,service,,,service...service...that was quite a few years ago...i know it has mellowed some what but....still,,,looking back,,i regret it now...
• 

  freedom96

  Two dreams of mine were constantly squashed growing up as a witness. First, was a wife, and a family to grow old with. I was being told all the time that the end was right around the corner. I remember the WTS talking about when the nations claim peace and security, then the end was coming. I think 1986 was a year that indeed Peace and Security was talked about, and was I pissed. I had just turned 18, time to enjoy life, and now it was going to end? I felt so cheated. I was not able to live a real life.

  The other thing was that I always wanted to make a lot of money. Not ever to show off to others and put them down for not having any, but I wanted the security and be able to do fun things with it. Of course the WTS taught that was materialism, and that anyways the end was coming in a couple of years, and whatever one did to create money, it would be useless.

  Well, I am sitll here, and the world has not ended. I do have a wonderful wife (2nd time around) and I am on my way to getting where I want to be financially.

  I will allow no one to ever steal my dream, regardless of what it is. For others, I say to dream big, and make it happen.

  I firmly believe that God will not give anyone a dream without a way to make it happen.
• 

  animal

  Since I was so young when I left (15), I never had dreams other than those forced on me by the JW types. So, in theory, I never had a dream squashed.

  Over the years of struggle, trying to make a path in life, I often wondered how life woulda been had my mom not been a religious goofball. Same with my sis... had we gone thru life without the brick wall of the JW's, where would we be today?

  Its just a good thing that I am my own God... I made a path and wouldnt change a thing.

  Animal
• 

  Billygoat

  I know we're talking about big dreams here, but I can think of some smaller/daily items that were squashed for me as a child. I wanted so badly to be involved in sports and cheerleading in school. I've always been petite and muscular and I always loved gym class when I was a kid. It just didn't seem fair to me that I couldn't be more involved in those things as a kid. And having to squeeze in homework after Tuesday night bookstudy or Thursday night meetings. I remember staying up until midnight sometimes as a little kid just trying to get homework done because the Theocratic Ministry School was more important than me being educated or just getting decent rest! I feel I missed out on some pretty basic childhood experiences.

  The other thing was I felt so squashed emotionally as a female in the family and in the Kingdom Hall. As a woman, I wasn't ever really going anywhere except into the pioneer ranks within the organization. The chances of me getting to Bethel as a woman was almost nil, unless I married a Bethelite. Beyond the ranks of that, was becoming a ministerial servant's wife or "even better" an elder's wife. Ugh. That was a life to look forward to! (not!) Even as a young teenager, I knew my worth shouldn't be about riding in on a husband's coattails. I just couldn't understand why nobody noticed the worth of the women in the congregation beyond Field Service.
• 

  Scully

  I'm glad you brought up those "little" dreams Billygoat!! We all had them too, and I know I wasn't the only one who hated the idea that no matter how smart I was, I was never allowed to show how smart I was if it made a "brother" look dumb.

  There was one time when a brother at the KH gave the incorrect answer to a question in the WT study. It was one of those "out of the hat" questions that the conductors used to ask to see who was paying attention, I guess. Anyway, he didn't come right out and say "No, sorry Brother, that's not the correct answer." That was kind, to spare the brother's feelings. But he just said "Anyone else?" Meaning - "this bozo screwed up, so will someone please give the right answer and I promise I'll never ask another question of my own again". I knew the answer. Apparently I was the only one who did, because I raised my hand. The conductor glared at me, and ignored me, and asked for more hands. Finally after a couple of minutes of dead silence, rather than have a mere female give the correct answer, he answered his own question. He approached me afterward and gave me some "counsel" about knowing my place in the congregation.

  Love, Scully
• 

  Reborn2002

  Professional football.

  Even if the chance to get there was remote, the WTS destroyed it entirely.

  In high school my freshman year I snuck to football practice and tried out. I scored 3 touchdowns (running) on the first three handoffs. Coach then decided for me to scrimmage with the varsity squad even though I was a freshman. I scored another two touchdowns in the next five handoffs to me.

  Needless to say, I had a roster spot on the varsity squad as a freshman, with the coach telling me I was the best freshman player he had ever seen, and I would undoubtedly be able to get a BIG TEN football scholarship if I always played like that. I then told him about my family being JW, and he went out of his way to meet personally with my mother to try to convince her to let me play. She turned him down without a thought and I received a firm reprimand for even considering extracurricular activities with "worldly" people. I was also threatened and warned in advance that I would have been kicked out of my home if I had gone against the WT teachings.

  So yes, the WT destroys dreams.