It's really amazing the changes you go through getting away from the "troof".. Things you didn't even know affected you. Like compulsive advice giving. Did you ever notice that witnesses are conditioned to have an answer for everything??? If you don't know, I'm sure the bound volumes will give you the answer. Now that I'm out in the big bad world, I've noticed that constantly giving advice or trying to find the answer isn't what most people want. I'm training myself to just listen.. and maybe not have all the answers except a hug or a "well that sure sucks for you" as my husband likes to say. We don't have to fix everything for everyone. wow. I had a light bulb moment. Anyone else relate to this??
advice giving
by yumbby 5 Replies latest jw friends
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Funchback
yumbby-
I agree with how you feel. The WTBTS give answers for everyhing, from how to floss your teeth without causing bleeding to how to fly a kite under water. They get on my nerves with that.
Good topic you started here, yumbby.
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Marcos
Yeah, isn't "I don't know" a great thing?!
It has been said that we really have no right to give advice unless someone asks us for advice. And even then, it is often best just to "take the 5th".
Sometimes, even in my case, a person just wants to rant a little, just be heard. Often that is enough. Then we often get a fresh perspective. I always hated my habit of not letting someone finish (because I KNEW what they were going to say). Now, I don't always feel the need to do that. Surprising how well people seem to relate to that.
I now like to keep my mouth shut and let them think I'm an idiot than to open my mouth and prove it.
Well, I'm still working on that.
Marcos
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A Paduan
You only need to look at the threads on this site that have titles like "need advice" (there are so many responses!) to see a pattern - not wanting to put everyone down at all, but you have to admit, it is ironic that those who believed the wt societies "end of the world" prophecies an' all, and have since made the great new discovery that jwism is just a lie, now have some kind of major credential for advice giving capabilities.
Furthermore, I find it odd that even ex-jws are noticeably more comfortable with advice from other ex-jws than they are with that from people who would never have believed such a bunch of *%@^ at any time.
paduan (putting on his armour)
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Undecided
I can't solve my own problems, how could I give advice to others?
Ken P.
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no1uno
I think everything everyone has said so far on this topic is correct.
I mostly hate unsolicited advice, but I when I ask for advice I have a great desire for it (whether it's positive or negative, or even ultimately useless; I at least get feedback of some sort and it seems to fill a need).
I agree that ex-JW's are no more qualified than anyone else to give advice (other than on the topic of adjusting to reality once out of a cult). It is erroneous to think that we have all of the answers (though we were trained to think exactly that). And the fact that we were once so duped does add some tarnish to our reputation for now "knowing the truth" about everything.
That said, I for one value the opinions and advice given by ex-JW's because I feel a bond with them, and I think most of them are well-meaning and are sincere in their quest for truth. That's probably true of most people who are not ex-JW's, but I don't instantly know "where they're coming from".
In my own case, part of my "advice giving" (mostly done via my website) stems from a need to try and undo all the damage I did in "field service" by attempting to now "set the record straight".