The irony of it all

by sleepy 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  sleepy

  Over the past few months I've found it hard not to feel anger and bitterness at wasting my youth on the watchtower , all the things I didn't do that I wanted to and will never be able to, at least not in the same way.

  Learning my father is dying of cancer has not helped, I feel his life was wasted in the truth, he was only tring to do what he thought was right.I think of my parents as a young couple just married in 1972, and reciveing a call from two young witnesses of a similar age.They must have believed they had found something special that they could give to their children.

  Sometimes I wish these things had not happened.

  And yet would my life had been better if they hadn't?

  Would my parents still have been together after 30 years, what would my childhood have been like if my dad had not learned to control his temper?Being a natural rebelious idividual how would I have turned out, knowing how most of my friends from school turned out?Would I have developed the qualities that I now value without by upbringing?Not worring about being different anymore?Would the paths I could have gone down been any better?I would certainly have not met my wife, and the experiences I have enjoyed as a result,my desire to now push myself and accomplish something great in my life may not have developed so strongly, the desire that may possible move me to success.

  The Irony is that being brough up a witness has shaped my personallity, determined the people I have met and those I have avoided, maybe my life would not have been so could if those witnesses had never called on my parents.
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  JamesThomas

  Sleepy,

  I imagine many of us here are too familiar with a sense of loss.

  It's easy to get stuck in the sadness and thoughts of what could have been. Then it's our own thoughts stealing our life away, and not the Org.

  This is certainly the time of year to look back though.

  JamesT
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  ugg

  REFLECTION......taking the good with the bad,,,,,saving us scars of one kind,,,and giving us scars of another....
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  SheilaM

  It is ironic my hubby swears that if nothing else he is the man he is because of them, I say he is the man he is despite them LOL I really vacillate in my feelings about this I do think I could have been a lot happier with some love and consideration shown but I at least always tried to be for my kids.

  I have two great kids was it because of their early formative teaching, I guess it's like the tootsie pop commercial and Mr. Owl "The world will never know".

  I try not to wallow in what if's and if only's but it's very hard for me.
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  happyout

  It is ironic that some of the traits I consider to be my best likely come from being raised a witness. I look at my husband, whose mom raised him as a baptist, and can't believe the hypocritical life she lived. She went to church, sang in the choir, and yet had affairs with married men (affairs that she did not even TRY to hide from her son), lied, and did just a bunch of things I can't believe someone who calls themselves a Christian would do. My mom, on the other hand, stuck to her beliefs even when it made life more difficult for her. That made me appreciate how important it is to be true to what you say you believe in, no matter what "religion" it is. I regret that being in that religion kept me from pursuing higher education, but like Sleepy, I admit I can't say for certain that I would have pursued it if that obstacle had not been in place. The fact is, what's done is done, and now I just focus on being the best I can be with as few regrets as possible.
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  BluesBrother

  I am really sorry Sleepy, to read the sad news regarding your father. Certainly , as someone posted elsewhere tonight, bad things will still happen to good sincere people.

  I can certainly share your sentiments

  I've found it hard not to feel anger and bitterness at wasting my youth on the watchtower , all the things I didn't do that I wanted to and will never be able to

  I realised far too late that God gives us "Threescore and ten" years and once used up there is no going back . What might I have done if I knew then what I know now? I was banking on the New World but that is a failed dream

  I suppose there is no good looking back .
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  Flowerpetal

  Hi Sleepy!

  I think about these things as you do. I was raised as a witness (and still am) as my mom became one in 1941 from Roman Catholicism. My father was an "inactive" Catholic who really never opposed my mom. If she hadn't become a witness, I suppose I'd be the type of Catholic my cousins are.....as I have plenty of them and they would probabaly have been who I would have associated with, and are not the "good" kind. It's very true that because of the people we encounter during our lives, or situations, we make decisions based on those things. I often think what career path I would be on now, if I had chosen (in vocational school in the '60's) one subject of study over another.

  Well a lot has passed since then...I am married, with two children---a girl 24 and a boy 17. The girl finished college and the boy will be going after he graduates next year.

  However where I'm at now, I guess you could say is a spiritual journey. I have always read fiction books throughout my life, but now I'm interested in non-fiction stuff. Right now I'm reading a book on spiritual warfare, which is written by a trinitarian....very good stuff. Being on a JW message board on AOL, I also get to read what others who are of other religions believe. But I also want to read books on other subjects such as Why We Go to War, The New Thought Police, and one which is claimed to be an easy read on economics. I feel my eyes have been opened in many ways, yet I am not quite ready to give up on the people at the WTB&TS. If I take the view that they are just imperfect men, just giving opinions about the scriptures, then I am OK...because every other kind of "spiritual leader/s" do the same thing. I put all my trust and faith in God FIRST anyway. I try to live a life that I think he would approve of, so in that vein, I don't feel I have anything to fear for the future. And it seems my mantra as of late is that none of us know, even the GB, what is going to happen in the future--and we all may be in for surprises----whether we are JW, orthodox Christians, or whatever.....

  Well that's my 2 cents.....
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  Simon

  I know what you mean sleepy - "what if ... ?"

  I guess we'll never know but I suspect things would often have been 'better' without all the time, effort and energy being wasted on the WTS and instead directed to families.
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  Big Tex

  It does no good to ponder about what ifs. There's the old what if: If on the way to work I had taken a right turn instead of a left turn I would have been hit by a bus and killed.

  I was a Witness from age 9 to 28. I finally got my wife out when I was 40. Those were the best years I'm going to have. I could look at them and say they were flushed down the toilet, never to return. All the things others got to do, and I missed out on. And that's true, but only up to a certain point. Through the Witnesses I met the love of my life. The strictness of their teachings and rigid structure probably kept me from comitting suicide during a very turbulent adolescence. I almost certainly would have experimented with drugs. Would I have become addicted? I don't know, but it only causes us unnecessary pain to think about the life we could have had.

  This is my life. I make the choices, good or bad, and my life is the sum total of those choice.