Mu friend sent me these jokes via email...thought I would shae the crudity w/you all..
What's the best form of birth control after 50?
> Nudity
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> What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
> 45 lbs.
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> What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
> 45 minutes.
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> What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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> Why do men want to marry virgins?
> They can't stand criticism.
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> Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and goodlooking?
> Because those men already have boyfriends.
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> What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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> What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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> What do you call a smart blonde?
> A golden retriever.
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> Why does the bride always wear white?
> Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
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> A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
> The blonde, because she's 18
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> Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
> Ask your mom.
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> How do you know when you're really ugly?
> Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
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> How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
> When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
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> Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Fathers day, what do single guyshave?
> Palm Sunday.
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> What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
> Her navel.
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> What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
> Bingo machine.
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> What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
> A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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> Why did God create alcohol?
> So ugly people could have sex, too.
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> What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> "Are you sure it's mine?"
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> What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
> Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> Mace will do that to you.
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> Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?Everyone hasthesame DNA.
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> Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby?
> They named him Sum Ting Wong.
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> What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
> A speech impediment.
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> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> Breasts don't have eyes.
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> What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
> A pimp.
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> Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
> Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
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> What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
> A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.
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> What's the Cuban National Anthem?
> Row, row, row your boat.
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> What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
> A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
Sincerely,
District Overbeer