Is this your list of spiritual goals?

by Valis 6 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  Valis

  I found this nutcase online today with his list of JW goals to strive for...I'm just wondering where he has time to do anything else...Did any of you ever do this? My mom would usually try to make me do this after assemblies or visits from the DO or CO...He's either an Apostate in the making, a delusional JW creting who really believes, or he's just yanking some JW chain... I thought you guys might be hungry for some dissection...I'm totally in the mood for some today...cmere little dubbie! http://www.geocities.com/aspromalee/goals.html MY PERSONAL GOALS TO PURSUE
  (1 TIMOTHY 4:15; ROMANS 13:14)

  Check the ones you need to strive for.
  
  Name: ___________________________________________
  
  ( ) 1. Become more regular in meeting attendance.
  ( ) 2. Come to meetings earlier so as not to miss song and prayer.
  ( ) 3. Comment at each meeting.
  ( ) 4. Improve preparation for congregation meeting by studying.
  ( ) 5. Enroll in the Theocratic Ministry School.
  ( ) 6. Prepare School assignments as soon as they are received.
  ( ) 7. Become a regular publisher by going in service each month.
  ( ) 8. Improve field service. (Become a 4 to 6 hour publisher.)
  ( ) 9. Improve field service. (Become a 6 to 8 hour publisher.)
  ( ) 10. Improve field service. (Become a 8 to 10 hour publisher.)
  ( ) 11. Improve field service. (Become a ___ hour publisher.)
  ( ) 12. Start doing more house-to-house field service.
  ( ) 13. Become more effective in using the Bible in field service.
  ( ) 14. Start making return visits.
  ( ) 15. Make more return visits.
  ( ) 16. Start a Bible Study.
  ( ) 17. Conduct my family Bible study regularly.
  ( ) 18. Auxiliary pioneer. (60 hours a month in field service.)
  ( ) 19. Strive to become a regular pioneer. (90 hours a month in field service.)
  ( ) 20. Plan on Bethel service.
  ( ) 21. Keep up with the weekly Bible reading.
  ( ) 22. Read more articles in the Watchtower magazine.
  ( ) 23. Read more articles in the Awake! magazine.
  ( ) 24. Do more work on and keep the Kingdom Hall clean.
  ( ) 25. Increase financial contributions to the Kingdom Hall.
  ( ) 26. Send more financial contributions directly to the Society.
  ( ) 27. Qualify for greater responsibility in the congregation.
  ( ) 28. Work with the circuit overseer in service on his next visit.
  ( ) 29. Get better acquainted with the elders.
  ( ) 30. Get better acquainted with the newer ones.
  ( ) 31. Show more hospitality by inviting the friends over.
  ( ) 32. Fellowship more with the friends before and after the meetings.
  ( ) 33. Visit and help the sick and elderly ones.
  ( ) 34. Make more shepherding calls.
  ( ) 35. Become more interested in applying Bible principles.
  ( ) 36. Cultivate more fruitage of the spirit in my personality.
  ( ) 37. Eliminate gossip and idle talk from my life.
  ( ) 38. Pray more and draw closer to Jehovah as a real person.
  ( ) 39. Become a more loving husband --- exercising better headship.
  ( ) 40. Become a more submissive wife --- showing more respect.
  ( ) 41. Become a more obedient child --- avoiding worldly ways.
  ( ) 42. Reduce time spent watching television.
  ( ) 43. Spend more time reading God's Word, the Bible.
  ( ) 44. Work towards getting baptized.
  ( ) 45. Work towards more magazine placements.
  ( ) 46. Read the yearbook.
  ( ) 47. Read the Text everyday.
  ( ) 48. Keep better house-to-house records.
  ( ) 49. Be more minddul of and willing to work not-at-homes.
  ( ) 50. Other:

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  blondie

  Hey DO, I expected a JWD version from you. Don't you have some fun alternatives?

  Blondie

  My goal is to stop a Bible study. Just call me the terminator.
• 

  SPAZnik

  I always like the goal to "widen out".

  Although I didn't like the jw addendum to keep it within the confines of jw's only and only the jw's who "they" approve of.
• 

  heathen

  I am surprised this one isn't first on the list lol ---- Increase financial contributions to the Kingdom Hall
• 

  acsot

  Here's a revised list.

  (Note: the "A" stands for "Apostate")

  1. Become more regular in meeting attendance.

  A-1 Work my way down to no meeting attendance.

  2. Come to meetings earlier so as not to miss song and prayer.

  A-2 When I do have to attend the odd meeting, arrive after the prayer or at least spend some quality time in the bathroom while its going on.

  3. Comment at each meeting.

  A-3 Blondie takes care of that for me, thank you very much.

  4. Improve preparation for congregation meeting by studying.

  A-4 See #A-3 above

  5. Enroll in the Theocratic Ministry School.

  A-5 Since moving and changing congregations I have already achieved my goal of not being in the Theocratic Ministry School

  6. Prepare School assignments as soon as they are received.

  A-6 See #A-5 above.

  7. Become a regular publisher by going in service each month.

  A-7 Since August and thanks in part to this board I have already achieved my goal of not going in service any longer, though I do love those fake service reports I hand in on occasion.

  8. Improve field service. (Become a 4 to 6 hour publisher.)
  9. Improve field service. (Become a 6 to 8 hour publisher.)
  10. Improve field service. (Become a 8 to 10 hour publisher.)

  A-8 See #A-7 above

  11. Improve field service. (Become a ___ hour publisher.)

  12. Start doing more house-to-house field service.

  13. Become more effective in using the Bible in field service.
  14. Start making return visits.
  15. Make more return visits.
  16. Start a Bible Study.
  A-9 See #A-7 above

  17. Conduct my family Bible study regularly.

  A-10 If I read the Bible while my cat sits on my lap, does that count?

  18. Auxiliary pioneer. (60 hours a month in field service.)
  19. Strive to become a regular pioneer. (90 hours a month in field service.)

  A-11 See #A-7 above 20. Plan on Bethel service.

  A-12 la Bill Bowen and the Silent Lambs sure!

  21. Keep up with the weekly Bible reading.

  A-13 See #A-12 above

  22. Read more articles in the Watchtower magazine.
  23. Read more articles in the Awake! magazine.
  A-14 Since August and thanks in part to this board I have already achieved my goal of never reading any WTS literature unless its quoted at this or similar sites

  24. Do more work on and keep the Kingdom Hall clean.

  A-15 The graffiti artists in town have already accomplished that

  25. Increase financial contributions to the Kingdom Hall.

  A-16 Over my dead body

  26. Send more financial contributions directly to the Society.

  A-17 See #A-16 above

  27. Qualify for greater responsibility in the congregation.

  A-18 I will responsibly let people know about this site and inform them of what is going on in JW land

  28. Work with the circuit overseer in service on his next visit.

  A-19 Have already booked my out-of-country vacation for the duration of his visit

  29. Get better acquainted with the elders.

  A-20 I already know them more than I would like

  30. Get better acquainted with the newer ones.

  A-22 What new ones? 31. Show more hospitality by inviting the friends over.

  A-23 Get invited to my first apostate Thanksgiving dinner

  32. Fellowship more with the friends before and after the meetings.

  A-24 Im already on this board more than I should be ! Sheesh!

  33. Visit and help the sick and elderly ones.

  A-25 I dont know how #33 slipped in here, thats never been a WTS priority; I do plan on helping at a local homeless shelter, though somehow I doubt that counts in JW-land.

  34. Make more shepherding calls.

  A-26 As if there are ever any shepherding calls done! Although there was a program on t.v. not long ago about Bordie collies and their shepherding work
• 

  Valis

  *LOL* OK Blondie....here's my list

  ( ) 1. Become more regular in meeting attendance at my favorite bar..
  ( ) 2. Come to meetings earlier so as not to miss a really good buzz.
  ( ) 3. Comment at each meeting making smart ass remarks and crude comments to the waitress chicks...
  ( ) 4. Improve preparation for bongregation meeting by smoking out.
  ( ) 5. Enroll in the Overbeerial School.
  ( ) 6. Prepare School Assignments as soon as they arrive. The irony is that I do that...just not for their pathetic excuse for a school..
  ( ) 7. Become a regular pervert by getting serviced door to door each month.
  ( ) 8. Improve getting serviced. (Become a 4 to 6 hour punisher.)
  ( ) 9. Improve getting serviced. (Become a 6 to 8 hour punisher.)
  ( ) 10. Improve getting serviced. (Become a 8 to 10 hour punisher.)
  ( ) 11. Improve getting serviced. (Become a ___ hour punisher.)
  ( ) 12. Start doing more house-to-house getting serviced.
  ( ) 13. Become more effective in using the Bible when getting serviced. Spank Spank...
  ( ) 14. Start making return visits.
  ( ) 15. Make more return visits.
  ( ) 16. Start a Bible Spanking.
  ( ) 17. Conduct my Bible Spanking regularly.
  ( ) 18. Auxiliary pioneer. (60 hours a month in getting serviced.)
  ( ) 19. Strive to become a regular pioneer. (90 hours a month in getting serviced.)
  ( ) 20. Plan on Bondage service.
  ( ) 21. Keep up with the weekly Bible Spanking.
  ( ) 22. Read more articles in the Hustler magazine.
  ( ) 23. Read more articles in the Barely Legal magazine.
  ( ) 24. Do more work on and keep the Beer Hall clean.
  ( ) 25. Increase fecall contributions to the Kingdom Hall.
  ( ) 26. Send more fecal contributions directly to the Society.
  ( ) 27. Qualify for greater responsibility in the bongregation.
  ( ) 28. Work with the Circuit Overbeer in getting him serviced on his next visit to the strip club.
  ( ) 29. Get better acquainted with the elder's wife/daughter.
  ( ) 30. Get better acquainted with the newer ones and make them run away...far away.
  ( ) 31. Show more hospitality by inviting the friends over. Duh....All dubbies need to pay close attention to this one...
  ( ) 32. Fellowship more with the friends before and after the meetings at the bar..
  ( ) 33. Visit and help the sick and elderly ones. Duh...All dubbies need to pay close attention to this one...
  ( ) 34. Make more booty calls.
  ( ) 35. Become more interested in applying Bible principles to her backside.
  ( ) 36. Cultivate more fruitage of the spirit in my beer.
  ( ) 37. Eliminate gossip and idle talk from my life by not answering the door.
  ( ) 38. Play more and draw closer to Smurfette as a real person.
  ( ) 39. Become a more loving Master --- exercising better headship.
  ( ) 40. Become more submissive --- showing respect while wearing handcuffs and a leather kilt.
  ( ) 41. Become a more obedient child --- avoiding worldly ways. Yes mommy!
  ( ) 42. Reduce time spent watching television and increase time renting DVD pron..
  ( ) 43. Spend more time reviling God's Word, the Bible.
  ( ) 44. Work away from being baptized.
  ( ) 45. Work towards more magazine placements in the garbage can.
  ( ) 46. Read the yearbook of Sport Illustrated Swimsuit Models.
  ( ) 47. Read the Tits everyday.
  ( ) 48. Keep better house-to-house records. See Items 7-21
  ( ) 49. Be more mindful of and willing to work not-at-homes by exercising the spirit of onanism.
  ( ) 50. Other: Dink More Beer!

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer

  Edited by - Valis on 30 January 2003 16:27:20
• 

  Beans

  Name: ____Beans_______________________________________
  
  ( Yes ) 1. Become more regular in Kegdom Ministry meeting attendance.
  ( Yes ) 2. Come to meetings earlier so as not to miss BEER song and prayer.
  ( Yes ) 3. Comment at each meeting.
  ( No ) 4. Improve preparation for congregation meeting by studying.
  ( Yes ) 5. Enroll in the Kegdom Ministry School.
  ( No ) 6. Prepare School assignments as soon as they are received.
  ( No ) 7. Become a regular publisher by going in service each month.
  ( No ) 8. Improve field service. (Become a 4 to 6 hour publisher.)
  ( No ) 9. Improve field service. (Become a 6 to 8 hour publisher.)
  ( No ) 10. Improve field service. (Become a 8 to 10 hour publisher.)
  ( No ) 11. Improve field service. (Become a ___ hour publisher.)
  ( No ) 12. Start doing more house-to-house field service.
  ( Yes ) 13. Become more effective in using the Beer in field service.
  ( Yes ) 14. Start making return visits to the bar.
  ( Yes ) 15. Make more return visits to the bar.
  ( Yes ) 16. Start a Beer Study.
  ( Yes ) 17. Conduct my family Beer study regularly.
  ( No ) 18. Auxiliary pioneer. (60 hours a month in field service.)
  ( No ) 19. Strive to become a regular pioneer. (90 hours a month in field service.)
  ( No ) 20. Plan on Bethel service.
  ( No ) 21. Keep up with the weekly Bible reading.
  ( ) 22. Read more articles in the Watchtower magazine.
  ( ) 23. Read more articles in the Awake! magazine.
  ( ) 24. Do more work on and keep the Kingdom Hall clean.
  ( ) 25. Increase financial contributions to the Kingdom Hall.
  ( ) 26. Send more financial contributions directly to the Society.
  ( ) 27. Qualify for greater responsibility in the congregation.
  ( ) 28. Work with the circuit overseer in service on his next visit.
  ( Yes ) 29. Get better acquainted with the District Overbeers.
  ( Yes ) 30. Get better acquainted with the newer ones and hot Sisters.
  ( Yes ) 31. Show more hospitality by inviting the friends over for beer.
  ( ) 32. Fellowship more with the friends before and after the meetings.
  ( ) 33. Visit and help the sick and elderly ones.
  ( ) 34. Make more shepherding calls.
  ( ) 35. Become more interested in applying Bible principles.
  ( ) 36. Cultivate more fruitage of the spirit in my personality.
  ( ) 37. Eliminate gossip and idle talk from my life.
  ( ) 38. Pray more and draw closer to Jehovah as a real person.
  ( ) 39. Become a more loving husband --- exercising better headship.
  ( ) 40. Become a more submissive wife --- showing more respect.
  ( ) 41. Become a more obedient child --- avoiding worldly ways.
  ( No ) 42. Reduce time spent watching PORN.
  ( ) 43. Spend more time reading God's Word, the Bible.
  ( ) 44. Work towards getting baptized.
  ( ) 45. Work towards more magazine placements.
  ( ) 46. Read the yearbook.
  ( ) 47. Read the Text everyday.
  ( ) 48. Keep better house-to-house records.
  ( ) 49. Be more minddul of and willing to work not-at-homes.
  ( ) 50. Other: