Things my mother taught me

by Scorpion 1 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Scorpion

  1. My mother taught me
  TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
  "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
  cleaning."

  2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
  "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

  3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
  "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you! into the
  middle of next week!"

  4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
  "Because I said so, that's why."

  5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
  'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
  going to the store with me."

  6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
  "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
  accident."

  7. My mother taught me IRONY.
  "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

  8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
  "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

  9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
  "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

  10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
  ! 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

  11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
  "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

  12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
  "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't
  exaggerate!"

  13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
  "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

  14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
  .
  "Stop acting like your father!"

  15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
  "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
  don't
  have wonderful parents like you do."

  16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
  " Just wait until we get home."

  17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
  "You are going to get it when you get home!"

  18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
  "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze
  that
  way."

  19. My mother taught me ESP .
  "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are
  cold?"

  20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
  "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come
  running to me."

  21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
  "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

  22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
  "You're just like your father."

  23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
  " Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a
  barn?"

  24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
  "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

  25. And my favorite : my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
  "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
• 

  DazedAndConfused

  LOL, I can appreciate the following points because these are what I remember from mom:

  #3 My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL ."If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you! into the middle of next week!"

  My mom was a bit more specific. She always told us that it would be next "Tuesday".

  #4 My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

  What mother DOESN"T say that?!

  #6 My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

  Bill Cosby knew the illogicalness (sp) in that. He said "First you say...then you do it!" No explanations necessary.

  #7 My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

  Nuff said. (Ouch!)

  #10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.! 'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

  This did not involve me, but I felt so sorry for my brother who had to sit for hours with liver in his mouth (literally) because he could not swallow it.

  #15. My mother taught me about ENVY "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who..."

  I had to amend this one because it wasn't the wonderful parents that were applauded in my case...mine went on to say "don't have this (insert food name here). I eventually told my mother to send my leftovers to the unfortunate because I could not eat it. I never heard this statement again.

  # 25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

  Not sure how I feel about that one right now.
  

  Edited by - DazedAndConfused on 1 February 2003 13:51:19

  Edited by - DazedAndConfused on 1 February 2003 13:56:42