Thinking of a topic for this post was difficult - but in the end I kept coming back to the "never assume" theme.
A bit of backround. My mother's family settled in Texas in the late 1800's. Family history is that my maternal great grandmother became a Bible student around 1890 near Waco. (dates and details are fuzzy, because I never wrote anything down - and most of the relatives who would know the details have passed away). Bible discussions were held at the home, and several times a "pilgrim" named Johnson* (if I recall - later became one of the early "apostates") stayed with them.
*from one of RR's posts: For years, the Society shifted the blame on Professor Paul S.L. Johnson, a colleague of Russell, an ordained minister, born a Jew, who joined the Bible Students Association and became an important promoter of Bible Truths. He was the Society's scapegoat for many years. Most of the attacks on Johnson came after his death in 1950, and continued until the 1980s, it was as the old saying goes "beating a dead horse", as Johnson was not alive to defend himself - entire thread: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=14276&site=3
One of my mother's favorite relatives/companions was her first cousin, Astorlene. They were close in age, and very similar in disposition - positive, nurturing, and had a love for anything that grows or walked on 4 legs.
Again, fuzzy on the details - but Astorlene married a non-JW, "Jim". I met them the first time, when I was 6 or 7 years old when they still lived in Texas, near Fairfield. Years later they moved to the Indianapolis area - Jim drove long haul trucks for a living. We lived in Northern Indiana, so I got to know them both much better as a teen. Jim and Astorlene never had any children, however, were considered like a favorite uncle or aunt by kids in and outside of our family.
After Jim retired, they moved back to Texas to take care of Astorlene's mother. Jim unfortunately had or developed a gambling problem, got himself into some local trouble and actually had to skip town apparently to avoid being seriously hurt or killed by the people he owed money to. I do not think anyone ever heard from him again. Must have been quite a blow after being married almost 40 years - however, Astorlene still had her mother, and she was one of those stalwart, faithful older JW sisters and for awhile received a lot of support from the local congregation.
She and I were very close - she was also a lot of fun to be around. Part of her affection for me may have been because she admired and respected the zeal I showed for the WT as a young person. I remember her telling my mother, "one of the hardest tasks a parent has is to instill a love for Jehovah in their children - so that when they grow up, they will have a personal relationship with HIM, not just something based on fear". She commended my mother by saying that in her opinion, she had achieved that with me.
Anyway - I stayed with Astorlene for part of the summer after graduating from high school. I was a regular pioneer at the time and attended the district assembly with them at the Astodome in 1973. After getting married, I stayed in touch - not as much as I probably should have. My business would often take me to Dallas or Houston. Several times, I made the drive to Fairfield to spend the day with her. Although her health was deteriorating, she was still as lovable and upbeat as ever. During this time period, my mother passed away, and Astorlene treated me even more like a son.
As most of you know, after our daughter died, we took a hard look at our JW life, and began the slow fade. My last letter to Astorlene around that time period went unanswered. I "assumed" that she had heard about our daughter's suicide, that we no longer attended meetings and I was no longer worthy of her affection.
I often thought of her - several times started to call or write again, but perhaps cowardly held back, because I would have had a hard time being actually shunned by someone I cared so much about. Would she have shunned me? Maybe, maybe not. Since she was so much like my mother, I would like to think she wouldn't have. My mother never stopped caring for my brother, even though he was disfellowshipped twice, and in the end disassociated himself.
Something possesed me to put her name into a search engine this morning. Sadly, I waited too long to renew things. She passed away last September. http://www.mexiadailynews.com/obits80.shtml
I am positive that my extensive family who are still JW's were aware that Astorlene's health was bad enough for her to move into a nursing home. Did they decide not to tell me because of my non-JW status? If so, I am not surprised. I have read so many similar posts on this board regarding JW family not communicating information even when it involves the death of a family member. I had to find out about my father's death from a high school friend who read about it in the local paper.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=26558&site=3
The point of this post is to help avoid future regrets. Regrets about telling family or friends (who because of JW shunning policy avoid you like the plague) that you love them - if possible unconditionally. People and circumstances change - if we assume that they will treat us badly, we may miss out on that last opportunity to say we care.
Thanks for reading - and thanks for the friendship and encourage we have been shown here.
Mak
Edited by - Makena1 on 12 February 2003 18:51:24