I read threads of people who disassociated themselves from the org.From them finding they were lied to,mistreated, what ever the case may be.I was in the org. many years ago and it just felt wrong so i stopped attending.The longer i was out and my husband stayed in, i researched the org. as much as possible.I found the lies, i found and felt the hurt it causes familys, the one minded thinking' their way or no way.The org. is actually a business to make money on peoples fears.Some of the threads sound like people who have left the org. and are being contacted by elders or others in the org. are afraid to face these brain dead followers.I am not saying this is wrong i am just trying to understand why the obligation , the respect and the problem of just telling them to go away and not come back.If this is what you want ..to be free .If someone came to your door and said read this , believe this or die you would think their nuts and slam the door in their face and not invite them back.What is the obligation.......my wondering mind needs to know. I really would like to know and i am NOT JUDGING.
what is it loyality,obligation what?
by kls 8 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Brummie
the respect and the problem of just telling them to go away and not come back
kls, I can only speak for myself, it never once dawned on me that I could tell the elders to go away! It was like "new light" one day when I woke up and realised that they were just men whom I could tell to take a hike! This is usually the way it is when we have known nothing else in our lives except WT rules.
So as many times as they called I would allow them to take control over everything, not through feeling obligated to allow it but simply because of a JW mindset and not realising I had other options.
nowt stranger than folk huh
Brummie
-
Francois
Many people behave as you describe because they have relatives or family in the organization and they know that if they leave they will be cut off from all of them. Thus they walk a tightrope: appearing to stay in while also enjoying the freedom they would have by being out of that cult.
I faced the same thing, as many here did. Many of us made great sacrifices in order to have our freedom back. My own family was either JWs on one side, or on the other almost fiercely dysfunctional in other ways. The JWs I had loved, been raised with, etc. I had to let them go, and accept the others if I wanted any family at all. Finally I had to let them all go, or go insane attempting to deal with either cult on one hand or utterly nuts on the other.
Long road to freedom, but it's worth it in the end. Some people just aren't in the position to do this like I did, or others have. They have to stay in or never see their grandchildren, or speak their sister, or have their mother drop in, or many, many other things. This is why the WTBTS is so utterly and irretriveably evil, and must be destroyed. (It's doing a great job on that by itself).
Anyway that's my two cents about it.
francois
-
RAYZORBLADE
Francois...you hit the nail on the head.
The sting and pain of shunning, and the agony of not being able to see ones family members.
I don't wish to name names on here, but some of have e-mailed me personally, and their stories rip my heart out. Yours, I'm sure is as painful or worse. I cannot imagine it!
The only saving grace I had, no family members were ever Jehovah's Witnesses.
Those that have believing family members, have to sometimes walk the tightrope. I don't know how they do it without going insane. But it must be awful.
The thing I did miss; it gets better with time of course, are some of the friends I had while I was a dub. Some were, at the time I left, very special. But...now, they would never speak to me.
I can't imagine what it'd be like if it were your: parents, children, grandparents, cousins, brothers or sisters etc., that must be HELL seeing them, and being shunned by them or ignored as if you are dead. I just cannot imagine it. But I know it's true, unfortunately.
A loving organization? I don't think I need to answer that question.
-
Francois
No, Razor, you don't have to name it.
Strange, but given the "professionally" dysfunctional nature of my family of origin, some of the friends I had made in the Borg I loved more than family. That was hard, to see a friend who was every bit the intellectual equal of anyone I've ever known, hewing to the JW line. We were like brothers, real ones, he was my brother, and he chose the Borg. My uncle, who is still in the Borg, is an extremely intelligent man. Most organic chemists are.
It is so sad.
Maybe in the next life.
francois
-
undercover
I grew up in "the truth". Most of the people I grew up with and have history with are dubs. My family and wife's family are dubs. Though I have met new friends and don't have to rely on my dub friends for social contact, I do not want to lose contact with my family and wife's family. To not "walk the tightrope" as someone put it so succinctly would mean losing that contact. It would be so easy to just walk away and be shunned by people who are duped into this belief system. I wish I could do that. But to keep my family contacts, I have to remain at least somewhat associated with the congregation. So the answer is yes, it is loyalty and obligation. Not to the WTS, but to family.
-
A Paduan
From reading posts, I understand that some people have a 'leftover' fear that there might be some truth to the wt, and still not knowing God they are scared of those who say they speak for Him.
Also, I would have to agree with the damage exposure tactic - once the distrust of 'elders' makes it to someone's cognition, tactics come into play, because
He who corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse,
and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.
Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you;and in my experience they can't be trusted just to live and let live either - there may be an activated hatred.
Exposure becomes risky if there is something they think they can do to you.
-
LB
I'm sure some take longer than others to get over the "headship" arrangement. I sure didn't. For me it was keeping my family intact. Now that I'm assured that my son won't allow them to take us apart I had no problem DAing myself.
Oh and they never visited me once, not a single time. The gossip was easy enough for them. But actually shepherd us? Are you kidding? That surprised me the most. The fact that they would let us go so easily. No public reproofs ever. No outbursts. We just stopped attending. Amazing.
-
acsot
Strange, but given the "professionally" dysfunctional nature of my family of origin, some of the friends I had made in the Borg I loved more than family.
Francois: I feel exactly the same. In fact, that's probably what kept me from seeing the truth of the Borg for so long - my relatives (aunts, uncles, cousins) were either chain-smoking alcoholics, chain-smoking addicted gamblers, violent alcoholics, you get the picture. I do have my brother, a university professor, who's not a JW, so now I'm (finally) working on my sibling relationship, trying to make up for lost time. But the JWs were my family, and many of them I was close to. A few who are intelligent, fun and balanced in their outlook are the ones who make it the hardest to break away. What a horrid thing, to have to choose.