Evolutionist vs. Creator

by Francois 9 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Francois

  An atheist was walking through the woods one day, admiring all that

  evolution had created. Suddenly he heard a rustling in the bushes behind

  him. Turning to look, he saw an 8 foot grizzly bear beginning to charge

  toward him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his

  shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Running faster

  yet, he looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding

  in his chest. He tried to run faster. But alas, he tripped and fell to the

  ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over

  him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.

  "OH MY GOD! ..."

  Time stopped.

  The bear froze.

  The forest was silent.

  Even the river stopped moving.

  As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all

  around.

  "YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS

  THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC

  ACCIDENT. NOW, YOU EXPECT ME TO FIX THIS PREDICAMENT?

  AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

  Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said,

  "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years,

  but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

  "VERY WELL," said the voice.

  The light went out.

  The River ran.

  The sounds of the forest resumed.

  And the bear dropped down to his knees, brought both paws together, bowed

  his head and spoke:

  "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive."
• 

  crownboy

  I've seen this joke before, but I certainly don't completely get it. If I were in that situation, there is no way I'd want the bear to be a Christain (unless I were an adult woman, then maybe I'd be safe if I wanted the bear to be a Catholic priest ). Hell, that would make me more scared. I'd ask god why he had bears eating people if he originally made them vegetarian . Or at the very least I'd request that the bear be Unitarian.
• 

  Mary

  I remember someone sent me this one a while ago.......I laughed my ass off!!!
• 

  gumby

  I personally would ask god to make the bear a witness. I could then tell the bear he is not to eat a meal with me.....or eat my blood. If the bear was a good witness he would shun me and leave me the hell alone.

  BTW Francois.......do you believe in a creator?

  Gumby
• 

  Abaddon

  "YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS

  THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC

  ACCIDENT. NOW, YOU EXPECT ME TO FIX THIS PREDICAMENT?

  AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

  Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said,

  "Yup, I was right. I always said that if god existed and withheld proof of his existence from the world, to such an extreme extent that there were explainations of existence far more rational and complete than any religion, there were only two possible reasons."

  God said;

  "AND WHAT MAY THOSE BE?"

  The atheist said;

  "Well, if you exist, but don't prove you exist, either we don't matter to you - not so much that you do care or don't care, but that you had other reasons for making the Universe and we, despite our inflated opinon of oursleves, are just woodshavings on the floor, not the actual thing you're interested in, if you follow my analogy.

  "I'M GOD, I THINK I CAN KEEP UP"

  "Well, yes..."

  "AND THE OTHER ALTERNATIVE?"

  "That you're an immoral monster making humans jump through hoops whilst at the same time saying they have freewill, who says he cares, but allows misery... I normally describe this as the 'god is an asshole' option but I've never thought it likely.

  "SO, I'M AN ASSHOLE. AND WHY DID YOU THINK THIS UNLIKELY?"

  "Well, it's absurd and illogical that an entity that exists out of space and time and has no origin whatsoever, despite the theoretical problems this causes, be quite so petty, ridiculous, and bound by trite human conceptions."

  "SO, ESSENTIALLY, I'M TOO ILLOGICAL TO EXIST?"

  "Yup."

  "BUGGER, I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT" said god, and promptly disappeared with a loud pop. This fortunately had the side effect of both unfreezing time and scaring the bear away.

  The athiest took some sandwiches out of his backpack and sat down by a clear stream...

  "I gotta go see Monty again," he said aloud to no one in particular, "that last batch of Northern Lights I got offa him is 3ucking HEAVY $hit." He laughed. "And even if it wasn't the weed, who would believe me... ?"
• 

  Francois

  Yes, Gumby, I do. But he's very different than anything conceived of by any organized religion I'm aware of.

  ft
• 

  unclebruce

  lol francoise. btw did you attend church this sunday? :)
• 

  gumby

  Hey unc,

  To answer your question about francois.........yes he did go to church Sunday.....with me. WE both go to the "first church of the Holy Hippy" It's a nice church.

  First thing we do to start our meetings is we all sit around and smoke peyote. Then the first one who is loaded the most gets up and acts like a bible character and the rest have to guess who it is. Last week frank got mixed up and thought of a celebrity intead. He stipped down to his underwear, got on the platform and started acting like elvis...........the poor sick bastard. Anyways you should come with us just to watch Frankie baby.....he's a riot!

  Gumby
• 

  unclebruce

  ooo francoice you sly ol' devil .. smok'n payote eh? that's dried coyote shit yeah?

  i haven't seen any coyote crap around these parts lately but I gotta admit being temped to strick a wad o' wombat poo in me pipe (wombats have the driest poo in the world ya know and it comes in 1" cubes (true .. only animal i know with a square arse lol)

  uncle too long gone
• 

  RAYZORBLADE

  Francois, I have never seen this joke. It was hilarious!