https://mainichi.jp/english/articles/20230119/p2a/00m/0na/033000c
OSAKA -- A former Jehovah's Witness, who spoke about her regrets over abusing her son in the name of religion, is among many people coming out about their experiences linked to children being raised as "second-generation followers" in the wake of the assassination of former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.
The woman in her 50s, who goes by the pseudonym Ryoko, lives in the western Japan city of Osaka. Even after 30 years, she still remembers her son crying and the pain she felt on her palm as she spanked her child over her lap as punishment for not sitting still at a religious meeting.
Although she contemplated whether she should really spank her son, aged 2 at the time, she followed the teaching that "it's for the sake of the child to hit them." The practice of "whipping" children based on biblical descriptions was rampant among some of the followers.
Ryoko, who did not have a religious upbringing, moved to Tokyo when she was 19 and married a man from her workplace. She was 21 years old when she gave birth to her son. Her husband, who she later divorced, became violent toward her after she got pregnant, and her body was covered in bruises. He also hit their newborn child for crying. As she struggled, wanting to leave her abusive relationship, a follower who lived nearby approached her and asked, "Why don't you come to a Bible study session?"
When the woman attended the meetings, all the followers were kind to her. Since she was lonely and didn't have anyone she could talk to about her family problems, she deepened her faith as if to fill a gap in her heart. "I wanted to be loved by someone. In religion, you have a one-on-one relationship with God. I felt fulfilled by being loved by God," she explained.
The meeting venue had a dark kitchenette the size of one tatami mat. There was a rubber whip in the sink drawer. Parents would use that room to whip their child when they would not sit still during Bible studies.
Back then, it was a common saying among followers that "there's not enough whips." Followers even got involved in other family's whippings, as if they were keeping an eye on each other.
At first, Ryoko was very hesitant about the practice, and questioned why she had to hit her child. When she asked, "Is this really for the children's sake?" the elder leading all the followers admonished her, saying, "Not whipping them would mean that you hate your child."
Urged by others to do so, she began to whip her son. She would cover her son's mouth to stop him from crying and screaming. She became numb after repeatedly hitting her son, and came to think that she "was doing the right thing."
The woman got divorced in her son's early elementary school years, and she lived alone with her son. She had her son baptized in his second year of junior high school to make him a full-fledged evangelist, but his faith only grew weaker.
When her son was in his third year of junior high school, Ryoko pulled his hand to force him to attend the meeting, but he stubbornly refused. She cried, feeling lonely at the venue, but her son treated her kindly when she came back home.
Little by little, Ryoko began to doubt the teachings. If a follower deviated from the doctrine, they would be ostracized. Even family members were hardly allowed to speak to each other, and relationships were severed.
"Is this what a loving God would do? There must be something wrong with their interpretation (of the Bible)," the woman recalled thinking. The teachings predicted that the world comes to an end, which didn't look like it would happen anytime soon.
Second-generation followers who had left the religious community had written about the abuse they suffered as children online, saying they were still emotionally scarred even after growing up. She realized that she had also inflicted the same kind of scars on her son. She became more and more unable to forgive herself for what she had done.
Many followers of Jehovah's Witnesses, who devote their lives to evangelism, do not go on to university. When her son entered high school, Ryoko told him, "If you want to go to university, I'll pay for it." She recalled thinking, "Since I can't leave any money for him. I at least want him to have a good education."
When the Great East Japan Earthquake struck on March 11, 2011, Ryoko called her son, who was attending a university in east Japan's Kanto region, and asked him, "Where are you? Are you safe?" She invited him to stay at her parents' house in Osaka, and they spent about a month living together in peace.
Ryoko saw her son off to the platform at Shin-Osaka Station on the day he returned to the Kanto region. Just before the shinkansen bullet train departed, she held her son's hand and said, "When you were little, I hit you many times. I did something that cannot be undone. I'm so sorry."
He gently squeezed her hand back and nodded with a smile. After the train departed, she received a text message from her son, which read: "Even if God and Christ won't forgive you, or you can't forgive yourself, I'll forgive you."
At that moment, Ryoko made up her mind to leave the religious community. She loved her son, but her son had shown her deeper affection. "The way I loved my son, which left him with no other choice than to forgive me, was wrong."
Ryoko still has dreams of her stopping herself from hitting her young child, and thinking, "I'm so glad I didn't hit him," before waking up with a sense of relief. She then looks at her palm and comes back to reality. She told the Mainichi Shimbun, "My son forgave me, but the fact that I abused him can't be erased. I will carry this guilt with me for the rest of my life."