Difference between Disfellowshipping and inactive/disassociation

by Scooby 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  Scooby

  Do you guys know what the difference is between disfellowshipped/inactive/disassociation?

  I am not sure which one to do to myself (HA HA)!!! I figured your experiences would help me decide which one is right for me as I don't trust I'll get the best answer for ME from one of my current JW friends. I am looking for PRACTICAL experience...not some stuff from a book. My family is extatic that I have decided to leave.... none of them are in the truth.

  However....still working on hubby. We are still separated and he is not going to meetings..his attitude is still one of "why be married if you are not a jw...you're dead....so live life any way you please!!!!" I am thnking that I might call all his family(ALL Witnesses...all 32 of them!!!) if we get divorced and tell them I am now an apostate and then my husband can "play" the victim role and NOT lose his family. We live so far away...I don't think they would ever have to know that he is not going anymore...he could fake it?!?!? I would be willing to take all that blame so they don't cut him off. I know it's not honest.....but does that really pay when you are dealing with cutting off a fam member who is no longer happy? I know this sounds irrational and bizarre....but look what we are dealing with?

  Thanks for the feedback......I love this board!!!!
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  Brummie

  It might just be easier to become inactive and fade away, otherwise they will keep a closer eye on your husbands activities to see if you could be influencing him in anyway. This means if he does start missing meetings in the future or stops field service, he will more likely be scrutinised to see if he is under the influence.

  Dis-association is an alternative but you will be treated exactly the same as the disfellowshiped and if you dis'd for "apostacy" the above situation will still exsist, if you dis'd without giving reasons, rumours will flood KH's that may begin to upset your hubby.

  Tis an hard choice, I'd go for become in active and fade. In saying that, you dont have to give them any reasons or owe them any apologies.

  All the best, let us know how you get on.

  Brummie
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  crinklestein

  Why give him that courtesy!? If he is willing to end your marriage and considers you dead because you no longer want to be a JW and HE HIMSELF IS NO LONGER GOING TO MEETINGS AND IS UNHAPPY WITH JW'S!!!??? Make him suffer the consequences of the decisions he's made. Let him stand up to the tidal wave of his own convictions. Make him be responsible for his own actions. Why try to cover up for him? You don't want to be a JW and so he leaves you because of it. And now he's not going to meetings and is unhappy with the JW's and you want to make it EASY ON HIM??!!

  Man! I'd be grinding my boot heal into him if I were you! Let them all know that he left you for your inactivity and now he himself is inactive. I'd be broadcasting to the world how hypocritical he and his religion is. Don't give him a nice cushion to sit on when he's given you nothing but the cold, hard floor.
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  jschwehm

  Actually, he can go to the elders and claim "spiritual endangerment" and the JWs will support him divorcing you all the way. I know that this is what the JWs tried to convince my wife to do when I first started leaving the JWs.

  Jeff S.
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  david_10

  Hi Scooby. To answer your question in the simplest way: "Disfellowshipping" is what a judicial committee does to you. "Disassociation" is what you do to yourself. Both have the exact same result: you are shunned. "Inactive" refers to your Field Service activity. If you have not been in service for 6 months, then you are considered inactive. You could have 100% meeting attendance, and still be inactive.

  Good Luck.

  David
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  Scooby

  Thank you.... I never paid attention to the difference too much. That was soooo scary, you just didn't want to think about it.

  I will TRY to just fade away.....although eventually I think someone here will start questioning me...but that's okay too. I don't owe them an explanation. Hubby says now he is not going to tell his family. For now he's pretending we are together and going to meetings (they don't know the difference as they live so far away.) As screwed up as that is... I could care lesss....WHATEVER that is HIS family.

  Sorry If I didn't explain myself better C- My husband has left the truth and feels HE is dead. The whole marriage thing seems like it's ending (partially) because our marriage was built on sex (thats what you do when you are 20 and a witness...get married to have sex) We never would have gotten married so young or maybe even to each other. each Day of reading this, reading books etc I get stronger and stronger.

  THANKS FOR YOU COMMENTS
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  crinklestein

  I was in my early 20's when I was a witness and had several bad relationships before that so I wasn't into dating for a while. So that never interested me while I was a witness. But there were several 20 somethings in the hall that were just horny as hell and desperate to get some tail! And the only reason they went to the conventions was to meet sisters from other areas, court them and get married within 6 months. One of these guys' brothers, Chris, got married and Rob was so jealous that he stepped up his efforts to find a girl and rushed headlong into a marriage about 2 months after that.

  The thing was, this girl he married was a freakin fruitloop so I'm sure the mariage is going great right about now! Idiots. He asked me one time why I wasn't interested in finding a woman like the rest of them were. I told him I wasn't raised up oppressed so I wasn't restricted in doing what I wanted to do once I was an adult. When I was a horny teen I hooked up with a girl and did the deed, thereby getting rid of the horniness. And after experiencing some bad relationships I wasn't interested in dating until I got over some heartbreaks and discovered who I was as a person. I told him that I couldn't get into and maintain a relationship with someone if I didn't know who the hell I was. And I made sure he understood that I thought it was incredibly stupid who all the young men in the hall are in a contest to see who gets married first. And then to get into a permanent marriage based on sex.

  Then jokingly I told him, "You want to get rid of that horny feeling? Get a hooker, repent and get on with your life."
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  david_10

  Hello again, Scooby. It has always been my opinion that fading is the best way to leave the Organization. Sometimes you can do it------sometimes you can't. There can be a lot of variables involved, but if you don't have any powerful enemies and if you fade gradually, then you probably can get away. My wife and I left 15 years ago and we've had no problems at all. I've known others, however, who have been hounded relentessly by the same elders that have left us alone. They're unpredictable and you're never sure what they will do. But if you can, try to fade.

  I hope your marriage situation turns out for the best. And by saying "for the best", that may mean ending it. I hope not, but what is is what is. I know exactly what you mean about the pressure young people are under to marry sooner rather than later. And don't think for one minute that you're alone in choosing that course. After all, those raging hormones can't be treated with cold showers for very long and masturbation will cost you your eternal life, so the only choice left is to get married-----usually to the first thing with a pulse that comes along. I was 19 and my wife was 17 when we got married after a brief courtship. She dropped out of school so we could hurry up and do it. This, I firmly believe, is exactly what the Society wants young people to do because it effectively eliminates all life options that kids may have and forces them to stay close to jehovah's organization. The marriages often fail, but the Society doesn't care------They've gotten 5, 10, maybe 15 years of servitude that they probably wouldn't have gotten if the kids had stayed single and gone to college. But sometimes, it works out----------we recently celebrated our 30th anniversary. A lot of ups, a lot of downs, but we stayed together. Sometimes it works out.

  I wish you the best as you try to get everything sorted out.

  David