by SpannerintheWorks 7 Replies latest jw friends
Quick Question: Am I the head of the household? The JW's pay lip-service to this...
Bottom line: According to Witness belief, do I have the final say as to whether our children attend the Kindom Hall...or not?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Spanner
Well, that would certainly put an interesting twist on what they teach, wouldn't it?
Yes, the JWs do believe that a husband has greater authority than his wife.
HOWEVER... they also believe that a higher authority should be obeyed only if it does not conflict with God's law (or what they perceive to be God's law). So if a wife were to take the kids to the meeting against the wishes of her husband, it's more likely that she would be congratulated rather than criticized.
do I have the final say as to whether our children attend the Kindom Hall...or not?
Unfortunately the answer is no! Just as they give respect to Ceaser only when the governments rule doesnt conflict with the Organisations (God's ) rule, the same is with husbands, they are only the head of the house when their authority doesnt conflict with the Organisations authority.
Its hipocritical, a husband (unbelieving mate) could insist on giving kids christmas presents and having a christmas meal etc, but couldnt insist on their kids not attending meetings. Yet both are said to conflict with God. Shows how Organisational policies are not from God at all.
Brummie
Actually, yes you *are* the head of your household, according to JW teachings, even as an "inactive" person, even as a "disfellowshipped" person, even as a "disassociated" person.
You can forbid your children from attending meetings. However, you might want to try reaching a compromise that causes the least friction, since the elders will urge your wife to leave you if they feel that her spirituality and that of the children is in danger.
Be very reasonable. Tell your wife that she's free to go to meetings whenever she wants. Drive her there. Pick her up afterward. Suggest that she might find the meetings more enjoyable if she goes on her own - children can be very distracting and often do not contribute to a parents' enjoyment of the spiritual food. Maybe she will agree to an alternate weekend arrangement, where you take the children to a museum, or the zoo, or to the park etc, while she tends to her spirituality. Then the following weekend, she gets to take them to the meeting with her. Again, you dropping them off and picking them up, as supportive as you can be.
You can also offer to do the same on week-nights, when the children should be doing homework (you will help them do it, and tidy up the kitchen while Mrs Spanner is at the meetings) and getting to bed at a reasonable hour.
Soon your children will enjoy spending time with their dad more than they do going to meetings, and will make meetings difficult for your wife to enjoy with them there. Offer to take them for an additional outing on "her" weekends so she can get the full benefit of the meetings.
Once you've got her in that routine, you can start working on getting her to miss meetings too. Get the children to tell her about all the lovely fun times she missed with the family. She will feel guilty for not joining you, and then invite her to join you sometime. Find a local restaurant that has "specials" that she will enjoy - that only happen on meeting nights.... and take her out for dinner and then shopping afterward. Do it once a month or so at first... then gradually make it an every other week event.
It does work. It's how I got hubby to stop going to meetings.
Love, Scully
Just to clarify, JWs do teach you are the head of the house (based on 2Cor 11:3), but in reality you are not... The Watchtower is. Test the waters and see for yourself.
Brummie
The man might be the head, but the woman is the neck... and she can turn the head any way she wants to.
Mrs. Shakita(who just loves the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding")
Well, my take on it is that you ARE the head of the household and you CAN forbid your children attending meetings.
My children were not allowed to attend weeknight meetings for YEARS because my non-JW husband felt it kept them out too late on a school night and none of the elders ever gave me flack for that.
Then, too, he told the kids that they didn't have to attend Sunday meetings with me, either, if they didn't want to. So sometimes they would (out of love and guilt) and sometimes they wouldn't (out of honest preference - LOL). I brought them out in service during the week when they were little or on school vacations, leaving our Saturdays free to spend with Dad. When they were older, they could attend the Congregation Book Study, but still not the TMS/Service Mtg. as that ran too late.
I was conscientious about holding the family Bible study (after all, I was commanded by GOD to teach the children as their spiritual head), so that may have made the elders feel that I was doing all that I could.
Witnesses were not welcome in our home. (Though I snuck parties when my husband was away for bi-annual golf outings, in order to repay Witness hospitality to me and the kids.) After several years, a few of my closest Witness friends could come by without it being a problem, but only to visit with me, not to dinner or any formal entertainment.
Our children also attended parochial school the entire time I was a JW. My husband insisted and the brothers told me he had that right, that I was just "to go on teaching them 'the Truth'" and they would make their own comparisons.
Heh heh! -- We are all out now.
Good luck to you, Spanner. (Scully's got some great ideas!)
out
