In this exclusive extract from his new memoir, the star recalls his childhood as a ‘tormented tug of war’ between his faith and his sexuality…
[EXTRACT]
Like me, Mam was smartly dressed. As a Jehovah’s Witness you always had to look respectable, because you were representing the religion. We always smelled nice; we smiled a lot and had neat hair. There was a lot of deprivation in the valleys and when people saw us at their front door, looking so clean and fresh and happy, it must have been a powerful draw. Join us, and you could be like this, too!
Mam was armed with a leather briefcase, inside of which were copies of the Jehovah’s Witness magazines, a Bible and a stack of report sheets, which would be filled out with notes such as: Number 48: do not call again or Number 16: come back same time next week. She was a pioneer, which is what the religion calls those who knock doors regularly. Mam used to spend upwards of 60 hours a month doing the rounds of the villages of south Wales in a bid to save souls.
… To this day I’m still not sure when my parents’ birthdays are. One’s in August and the other November, I think. When I left home and celebrated my first birthday – my 18th – I tried to enjoy it, but I felt guilty, and that guilt stayed with me for a long time. The only events we were allowed to celebrate were wedding anniversaries and the memorial of Jesus’ death. This was the most sacred occasion of our year and was marked with an evening service at the Kingdom Hall on the night of the Last Supper.
During the memorial, unleavened bread and wine were passed around the congregation, but the only people allowed to taste them were the anointed. These were Witnesses who believed they are among the anointed, the 144,000 people mentioned in the Bible who have been chosen to go to heaven to rule alongside Jesus when they die. We knew a few of these and they were hugely respected and somewhat revered within the community. I have no idea how they knew they were anointed, but you couldn’t question it: if they told the elders they were one of the anointed, everyone had to believe them.
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