Going through old junk and came across a 22 year old study Watchtower, February 1996. Looking at all my underlining and marking it was just nauseating how meaningless it all was. This "study" wasn't study at all, just a by rote exercise, an old JW custom one of the primary motivations of which is to stop others from judging you as "weak" if they don't see it all desecrated, which must surely indicate a vigorous study session. Moving on to other articles I was confronted with more evidence of a cult that I was blind to the first time around, including an article praising those who died for refusing blood such as a pregnant mother and a boy pictured here.
Then there was the article doing damage control from bad press and doubts:
earnest prayer to Jehovah is the first step . . . do not hesitate to ask for help from loving overseers . . . They will help you trace the source of your doubts, which may be due to pride or some wrong thinking . . . Has the reading or listening to apostate ideas or worldly philosophy introduced poisonous doubts? . . . those who have become victims of apostasy got started . . . by first complaining about how they felt they were being treated . . . act quickly to rout out of the mind any tendency to complain, to be dissatisfied with the way things are done . . . Loyally imitate Peter, who resolutely stated 'Lord, whom shall we go away to?
Then there was a life story of a Hector R. Priest, ironically called "My Lifelong Hope - Never to Die", which concludes by saying:
My burning desire is to live to see Jehovah's name cleared of all reproach. Will I realize my lifelong hope of never dying? That, of course, remains to be seen.
Considering he would be 107 years by now, I guess we all know how that worked for him.