I recently came upon the following bit of information, which I shall put in quotes. The other is just my own thoughts.
“Some of us may have grown up in chaotic households where we witnessed caustic, unhealthy marriages,” ...relationships with organizations, etc. “Others may thrive on high audio and physical output. Still others combine the unhappy childhood” ..or experience, “with an appetite for adrenaline,”….. or a feeling of superiority, power and control. “Relationships usually provide each party with fulfilling a need.”
”Many people feel most alive, not to mention important, when an emergency is unfolding.”……or if they are on the edge of some prophecy of doom and gloom. “Some even desire that type of rush at the breakfast table. They thrive on arguments and dissension.” They enjoy being different from everyone else. “If they had a clear moment, they might have to examine their direction and life plan.” …It’s much easier to follow carefully laid out rules and regulations from someone else, like the borg.
”Some chaos magnets are so afraid of silence and loneliness that they will put up with anything.” They stifle their own mind, and constantly suppress the natural tendency for real objectivity. They become robots. “They will provoke arguments just to fill up the void. An unpleasant partner is a conversation piece. And they need a conversation piece because they are terrified of their own company. Can chaos magnets be cured?
“Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.”
— Albert Einstein
”Instead of merging with another human, chaos magnets need to forge lives of their own. For instance a certain woman goes for uninterested men who hook her into financially symbiotic adventures. They also show up with tag-alongs, everything from ex-girlfriends to assorted children. She cries, she rants and she goes back. Every time.” ….JW’s go against the very thing they so adamantly insist they have: LOVE. It’s easier not to think.
”Perhaps we feel more comfortable reacting to what we have been “given” than defining our universe from a personal perspective. We see ourselves outlined by others. To solve our dilemma, we would have to force ourselves to be alone long enough to figure out our own behavior.” This is very painful and it takes time and effort.
“Co-workers and friends can aid the process by speaking the truth: “Your situation seems unhealthy. Perhaps you should get some help to sort this out.” And please — don’t ask for gory details. That just fuels the fire. Check to see if you secretly enjoy pandemonium from a safe distance.”
”A competent counselor can offer the chaos magnet a weekly dose of desperately needed attention, but solving the problem is difficult because it leaves a void.” We feel this so deeply when we left the borg. " What will the person do with all that spare time was once used to call friends and complain,” or on the other hand, participated in an unreal existence. Do we go on allowing them to discuss the subject of unfair treatment until we feel like shoving a bag over their head? “How will they pass the days if they are serene and stress-free? What will they talk about? They will need a new collection of behaviors and responses. And a different template for their next relationship.”
Leaving the borg, or being df’d leaves a terrible empty void. We not only lose our belief system, but we lose actual people, and many times the very foundation of all our perceptions. Gone are those people that we have built a relationship with. Friends and family are gone. We feel abandoned and lost. But, there is hope. We can survive this. We just have to work hard at fixing ourselves and make steps day by day, to begin building on a new foundation. The first step is to fix your own self.