Since many here share an interest in my experiences as a former Witness and/or victim of sexual abuse, I thought I'd share with you a day in the life of being my father's son... I received a long distance call yesterday afternoon...it went like this.. _________________ "Hello." "I am trying to reach Daniel D'Haene." "This is not Daniel D'Haene's residence." "I found D. D'Haene in the phone book, so I thought it might be him. Do you know how I could contact him?" "Why?" "I used to be a Witness and he sent me information. I responded to the address and it returned undeliverable." "Where are you calling from?" "Brantford." "Well, I am his son. I haven't had anything to do with him in almost 30 years!!" "Do you know where I can contact him?" "I haven't had anything to do with him because he abused me!" "Do you know where he lives?" "I just told you he sexually abused me --and all my siblings I should add-- and you still want to contact him!!!!" "Jesus died for all ours sins...." "Well, I have to go!" __________________________________________________ People do not see victims of sexual abuse (especially male victims) the way they see rape victims...No one would imagine this response possible if I had been a woman and I said this man raped me. I am used to calls like this. It doesn't even upset me...It just proves there is so much more educating that needs to be done. When I told my family, we all just shake our heads (they are used to this too). Then I add, no wonder I want nothing to do with 'religion'. I'm sure many here have experienced similar rediculous conversations with unbelievable presumptious, insensitive "Christians". Donald
A day in the life...
by morrisamb 6 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
-
-
joannadandy
Morris-
I couldn't agree more...I wish more was said/done about male victims of abuse. I think it is a very silent issue in our culture right now. No one wants to talk about it, victims or otherwise...
However, I have to disagree with this...
No one would imagine this response possible if I had been a woman and I said this man raped me.
Don't be too sure of that. I got a pretty callous response the first time I talked about being raped. So callous infact I shut up, and never told anyone again for several years.
I do think it's more in the open for women, but certain people are just either un-thinking when it comes to sexual assult, or just plain stupid! I have tried many times in my head to rationalize why some people react they way they do arround abuse survivors. The only thing I can think of is that it is so horrible, and so out of the loop of normal experience, that they can't comprehend what it's like.
But thank you...I think it is so vital for people like yourself to speak out about the abuse they have experienced at every opportunity. I am in total agreement with you that education and dialouge are the best way to inform people about these issues.
-
morrisamb
Thank you Joannadandy for your comments...about the part that you disagree with...what I mean is that there are people who don't view sexual abuse as rape. More so if it's a boy being sexually abused than a girl. I can't tell you how many times my siblings have been asked questions like "Don't you talk to your father?" "It wasn't that bad now, was it?" "I can't say something against him." "You sound very angry." "At least you could say no."
Of course, after 20 years of this, we've got a tough skin. I told my sister today, imagine what adult victims of rape must go through when they receive callous responses to their experience...you've made it clear that is the case.
Unfortunately we still live in a world that reabuses victims (of any kind) and caudles perpertrators (of many forms of abuse).
I have a happy life now, but I'm very clear in my boundaries. I feel the caller in my post's presumption that I even cared whether he felt Christ had forgiven my abuser was a blasphemous misuse of Christ's good name. I am just amazed at how many people believe someone when they pronounce themselves "born-again" or what have you.
Actions speak a lot louder than words.
-
Swan
Empathy is something that many people don't have the luxury of nowadays. If they allowed themselves to be empathetic, then they feel that they would have to become involved or express some emotion that might be perceived as a vulnerability. If they got involved, then they might be expected to try to change the system or their conscience might expect more of them. For them it preferable to be in denial because they don't really want to get involved or have to listen to their conscience. If they did, then maybe they would have to eventually face their own demons; and they aren't ready to do that! So they put on this callous front, refuse to feel, and continue along in life like a robot.
Sad really...
Tammy
-
RAYZORBLADE
Morrislamb: Donald, I am stunned, but not surprised.
The victim is ignored or silenced; the perpetrator is infallable - and maintains a sick sense of respectability.
That kind of phone call would have sent shivers through my spine. In fact, it did (reading your post).
Rayzorblade shakes his head .
-
morrisamb
I agree. I think it's time for some tough love. Either that or I'll hand the phone to Maurice..hee hee...They don't know what they're in for until they talk to him!
-
Big Tex
I say give the phone to Maurice, if he's anything like Nina, he'll tear them apart.
Most Witnesses want simple answers to complex problems. It makes the world and life seem less scary. They don't respond because they are afraid of finding out their magic solution doesn't work. Fear is a like a fog and it keeps real emotions and empathy down. This person responded to you as if he were in a fog and didn't want to come out.
This life is full of nightmares to frighten even the bravest of souls and delights to satisfy the most gluttonous of appetites. But it's not for the timid.