"What follows is the text of a presidential address which will be given by
President Bush on July 4, 2003. The source of this material remains
unidentified.
My fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. The
discovery and destruction of all weapons of mass destruction have been
covered thoroughly in the press. An new Iraqi government has been
established and appears to be stable. Our mission in Iraq is complete. This
morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from
Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which
have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The
United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the
countries listed there. The other list contains everyone not on the first
list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will
be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war. The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption. Need
help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the out years, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. I am
ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from Kuwait, Saudi
Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations. Leave us alone. Solve your
own problems. Need help? Call Germany.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will
hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the
earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe
China.
Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say. It seems like everybody
has forgotten what happened to European Jewry during the 1930s and World
War II. Our nation will never permit the destruction of Israel. No way,
Jose. Nevertheless, to Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys.
Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all
of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces
there. Big tables, too.
I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets
to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I
don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets
tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over
to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to
be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing
us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire
corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple
extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put
'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by
the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying darn tootin'.
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the
planet.
It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from
America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night."
About damn time!
by Adam 3 Replies latest social current
-
Adam
-
Soledad
*standing up and applauding* Thank you Mr president!
-
happyout
Just a note that this is obviously tongue in cheek (although many may wish it was not).
Happyout
-
teenyuck
LOL!