The Dubs and marraige

by William Penwell 7 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  William Penwell

  Just have to rant here for a bit.

  I was on the phone earlier with my dub sister. She was telling me how her daughter, my niece, just met a "nice man" (I take it he is a good dub), that things were going good and that if things go as plan they would probably be married this coming summer. Now this is after my niece just got out of a dysfunctional marriage of 20 years and their divorce was just finalized this last November. At this point I had to slap myself in the back of the head and bite my tongue. All I said was, that was nice and hope that she was happy. Anyway, what is wrong with these dubs that they seem to think they need to get into another relationship so soon? You would think that once burnt they would not be so quick to get onto another relationship so quickly. I know my nieces first marriage was a fairly fast engagement, so I would have thought the second time around she would take her time before she jumped into another marriage. I just know that the Elders advice, like it was to me, is to get married ASAP. The worst advice I ever had by the way. Well all I hope that she is making the right choices. Just my little rant. I sure am glad I have nothing to do with this cult controlling BS anymore.
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  OneFingerSalute

  I know what you mean. A person I know was constantly messing around with "worldly" women while married to a JW wife. Of course as a wealthy contributor to the local KH he got away with it and his wife got DF'd for leaving him.

  He was introduced to and dating his next JW wife within two weeks. Married soon after. And promptly started fooling around on her too.

  He was rapidly promoted to menstrual serpent, and now is an elder. still fooling around, and getting drunk regularly.
  
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  millie210

  By their own admission, most disfellowshippings are over immorality. I think the idea is to get married as fast as possible to legalize the sex and prevent some of that.

  Ironically, all the obsession and preoccupation with the lures of sexuality cause MORE of a "forbidden fruit" mentality that leads to more sexual activity not less!

  There is not one statistic to indicate JWs manage to be any more chaste than any other religion - it may be perhaps less.
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  PaintedToeNail

  William-Your niece must be approaching 40. The number of available men in the Borg her age are few and far between. She may be afraid that if she doesn't 'take' this guy, she will miss the boat altogether and be forced to spend her life alone forever. It is just the mentality of the JW's. They can't just meet and date and have a nice time, dating is always a means to an end in the Borg.
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  William Penwell

  Ironically, all the obsession and preoccupation with the lures of sexuality cause MORE of a "forbidden fruit" mentality that leads to more sexual activity not less!

  I speak out of my own experience as I always felt the only reason I got marries was to obtain that "forbidden fruit". Me and the ex were not compatible and it ended up in a loveless marriage where I was only doing my duty to work and provide for my family. Thus my marriage eventually fell apart.
  

  William-Your niece must be approaching 40. The number of available men in the Borg her age are few and far between. She may be afraid that if she doesn't 'take' this guy, she will miss the boat altogether and be forced to spend her life alone forever. It is just the mentality of the JW's. They can't just meet and date and have a nice time, dating is always a means to an end in the Borg.

  Yes she is about that age. I was on my own for almost twenty years. I learned the hard way it is better to be happy and alone rather than in a relationship and miserable. I do understand where my niece is coming from as knowing the bad advice she is probably getting from the elders and family, although it did not surprise me when I heard the news.
  
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  joe134cd

  Yup she's on the rebound..
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  Scully

  I agree that there's pressure for dating JW couples to jump into marriage quickly before they get sexually involved. I'm wondering though if there might be some financial pressure as well - pooling resources, only having to pay for one residence, etc. depending on how your niece fared in the divorce.

  Then again, some people can't stand being alone - they are terrified of being alone and will jump at the first chance to get back into a relationship. There's lots of pressure in JW-land, and I think some JW women prefer to have the decision-making responsibility in someone else's hands, and enjoy that role of Wifely Submission™.
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  William Penwell

  So an update to my story, I just found out about a week ago that my niece is now officially engage. I sent her well wishes, I just hope she is not making the same mistake but what ever its her life. In a way I understand as she is trying to raise two children on her own and if is very hard financially. It was tough on me financially but then as a man I did not have the children living with me.