What is the Best Way to Reach Out to My JW Brother?

by ApostolicJesus93 7 Replies latest jw experiences

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  ApostolicJesus93

  Hello all,

  I am not a JW, nor have I ever been. I'm an Apostolic Pentecostal. I do have an older half-brother who is about 13 years my senior. He married a JW girl in 2000, and was baptized in 2007 in the Kingdom Hall. It is my understanding that once you are baptized in the Kingdom Hall, JWs really place the pressure on you to cut off ties with non-JW family and friends.

  It started slow. First they started coming around less. They then stopped returning phone calls. Then before you know it, it's been 17 years since he has spoken to me, our dad, step-mom, and so on. It effects me, but it really hurts our dad. He essentially saved my brother's life when he was a baby after his now deceased mom kidnapped him and my dad rescued him. Our dad has two grandkids, now grown, whom he was robbed time of.

  I have felt the need to reach out to my brother. I know his address. I don't know how to reach out and I feel the need to. But I don't know if it's right or how to do it. What is your advice? I just want my dad to have a relationship with his son again. He's 71 and has been through a heart attack and other health issues. This whole thing makes me depressed and angry. I am afraid of doing the wrong thing and pushing my brother further into isolation, therefore hurting our dad more.

  Thank you.
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  DesirousOfChange

  The fifth commandment says, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12).

  Nowhere in the Bible does it differentiate if one's father is "in The Troof" or not so. Your brother cannot even apply any defense of "apostasy" or "inactivity" as if your father was a "weak" or former JW. Also, consider Paul's view of those who have no affection for their parents:

  2 Timothy 3: 1 But know this, that in the last daysa critical times hard to deal with will be here. 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, 3 having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, 4 betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, 5 having an appearance of godliness but proving false to its power;b and from these turn away.

  BEAT HIM WITH HIS BIBLE
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  ApostolicJesus93

  Hello DesirousofChange,

  Are you a current JW? I see that you took 2nd Timothy 3:1 from the NWT Bible, but I suppose it's to bolster your final statement of "beat him with his Bible".

  As a caveat, I am well aware of the various contradictions in the JW doctrine as well as the NWT version of the Bible. For instance, you can't claim absolute monotheism and yet call Christ essentially a smaller "god". This is actually Arianism, and it's a false doctrine.

  No one in my family is a JW except my older half-brother, and I neglected to mention in my post that I have yet another older half-brother who is this half-brother's whole sibling, and this older one is not a JW at all, so he too hasn't had contact with our brother.
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  Balaamsass2

  I second the opinion of "beating him with his bible" bury the beating in a nice card with a nice memory. :) Shame is a powerful emotion. :)
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  NotFormer

  While I dislike the NWT, you're right: it's the bible whose wording he will be familiar with. Outside of several verses that the WT "tampered with*" to conform with their doctrines, it is usually adequate.

  The trouble I see is that the 17 years of non-communication has become habitual. He probably doesn't see you as family any more and feels no obligation towards your father or anyone else. Remember, "worldly" people (anyone not a JW) are condemned already. You could try using some biblical reasoning to reach out to him, but in his eyes you have no authority to be interpreting the Bible; that right belongs exclusively to the Governing Body in JW doctrine and practice.

  So yes, try and reach out. Perhaps you will be pleasantly surprised. Or perhaps not. Be prepared, either way.

  * This is the opinion of some, and is not meant to stir up that debate in this thread. There are plenty of other threads along those lines. The important thing is to address the OP's request for help reaching out to estranged JW family.
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  3rdgen

  Hello, ApostolicJesus

  I am, as my name implies, a third generation Jehovah's Witness going back to the very early 1900s.

  My father as a young man, while favorable to the religion, was not baptized and married a non-JW. They had one son I will call D. The marriage ended and the boy was raised primarily with his mother.

  Meanwhile, father gets baptized, becomes a JW zealot, and marries an equally zealous "pioneer sister". I was born 18 years after my half brother. There are no other siblings.

  My Father abandoned D because he didn't want to become a JW so there was ZERO contact between my half brother and my family.

  When I was in my 30's (in the '80s) I was an active JW but was disgusted that my father rejected his own son over a difference of religion. I reached out to D with a card, pictures of me and my family, and contact info. I heard nothing back.

  A couple of years ago D's oldest son and I met online through a genealogy site. I asked if D had received my card from so many years ago. My nephew said he remembers D showing it to him (he's only 8 years younger than I) D had said he wants NOTHING to do with Anyone whose last name is C****!!

  So my brother blamed me for the sins of our father and rejected a person who would dearly love him if he would let me.

  The thing is I am VERY glad I tried. Now I sleep well not worrying "What if?" And I get to have a decent relationship with my nephew.

  Nobody lies on their deathbed regretting reaching out in kindness. Just be prepared for whatever answer comes.
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  3rdgen

  To be a little more specific, in your case I think a card with a brief family update, a picture or two, and a msg. briefly telling him what's new with you and your family. Then mention that you wanted to let him know about your dad's health issues and your concerns about his emotional well-being as well.

  That it would be such a tonic for Dad to have a call or a visit from him. I wouldn't try to guilt him the first time I reached out. Just let him know how lonely Dad is and a reminder that life can be so hectic that sometimes we forget those closest to us. Presume that it's just an oversight on his part. Take the high road.

  If he responds -mission accomplished. Give it a couple of weeks or so. If no answer, then use a couple of Scriptures as a reminder to him.

  If still no answer, your brother is what he is and there is nothing you can say to change him.
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  peacefulpete

  In my opinion, just call and say a friendly hello, things will develop naturally. Don't assume he will resist talking with nonJW family. Most of us kept at least a polite relationship with relatives. Life is complicated and motives are not always what is assumed. Don't talk church or Bible. It will shut down any normal conversation. As a Pentecostal, that might be a challenge. Be aware that as strongly as you believe what you do, he believes what he does. For an hour just be family.