Dissolution of Inner Peace

by ColdRedRain 1 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  ColdRedRain

  It's been almost a year. When I first left the borg, it was winter. Outside of my body, the winter has past, the weather is warmer, the birds are chirping, yet inside of it, the bats are screeching, the winter's everlasting and everything is dying inside of me.

  I haven't found any inner peace since leaving the borg. It's gotten to the point where I had to take medication for depression. Some of what has to do with it is the isolation that I've felt since leaving. When you've been accustomed to being love-bombed all of your life and love-bombing other people, it's hard to get out of that rut and sometimes it scares people away.

  Another cause of a lacking of inner peace is how I'm awaken to a cold reality. One that says "If I die, this may be it right here." I think to myself how this wonderful thing called life will end and I won't get another one. I'm actually afraid of death.

  I also lose inner peace by knowing how my close friends and family believe in a lie that's making a group of men rich, and how they're spreading that lie onto other people. They might have to give up their lives for a lie by those men, the blood doctrine.

  It's a bitch when you're in the borganization with their Orwellian rules and it's a bitch when you get out.

  Not even their dissolution would give me inner peace. But it may help others to not suffer the same fate I suffer now.
• 

  Francois

  I had somewhat the same feelings as you describe when I sailed out of the Borg. One of the things that helped overcome the sense of isolation was becoming engaged in self-forgetful service to others. I did that by becoming a hospice patient volunteer, taking care of terminally ill patients and their families. The family of the terminally ill person is usually forgotten in the mad attempt to keep the person alive, but life goes on for the family. That's where I came in. You might investigate what's open to you in your town. But I can say this about it: such service deflects much of the attention you're paying to yourself and puts it somewhere else, as in, "In order to find your Self, you must give up your self." "He would would save himself, must give up his Self."

  And it's good for your Karma.

  francois