It's pretty stupid that I could believe those lies, and fall for it. Sure, I was emotionally distressed, but why was I so blind?
Shamus,
I bet almost everyone on this forum has asked themselves that very question. I certainly have - and still do! Crisis of Conscience is wondeful in that it will help you understand yourself better and you'll realise you're not alone. Millions have been duped, including people of the highest intelligence. This proves intelligence has nothing to do with one's being gullible or not. We became JWs because we believed in God, liked the good morals Watchtower espoused, agreed that other religions could do more to help people, etc - but only when we were snared ourselves did we really see the inner workings; the truth abouth the 'truth'.
It takes immense courage to admit one has been wrong and to walk away from it. That says a great deal about your own character. I'm actually starting to like myself again and I've found true friends via this forum, rekindled some old friendships I dropped when entering the Borg, been to an apostafest (BRILLIANT!) and I'm becoming happier and more content. My wife and I, close that we've always been, are even closer, if that seems possible!
You and I and thousands of others are on the same journey. We're not at the end yet and sharing really helps. After you've read Crisis please read In Search of Christian Freedom, which reinforces one's decision to leave Watchtower was the correct one as it answers (at least for me)further questions I asked myself, such as if there are 144,000 of the faithful and discreet slave, around 8,000 of which are still on earth, how come only a select group of 11-12 individuals make all the decisions and provide food at the proper time when the scriptures are clear that ALL the slave should be doing so?!
Make sure you read other unconnected works (I'm reading works on Ancient Egypt and Iraq), also, as this will widen your mind - and don't be quick to rush into another religion. This isn't to say that that particular religion is wrong for you, but only that one needs time to chill out and take stock of everything. And don't look back, always look to the future!
One must also put one's experience to good use. Think positive! I was in the Borg for 19 years and when I first left, only four months ago, I was extremely angry and bitter - some of my posts may well have reflected that. Now, I say to myself I have years ahead of me and I have 19 years valuable experience of being in a cult. I can put that experience to good use by helping others. This makes something positive out of a negative situation - and it was only "negative" because we allowed ourselves to think that way since leaving.
I still get days when I feel a little low - like last week - but I liken this to 19 years of poison inside of me that is gradually being released. I have started to turn my garden into a wildlife garden. I've planted 150 small trees to make a hedgerow, constructed a meadow which is coming into flower and built a pond which has frogs, creepy-crawlies and a solitary female newt in it (where'd she come from?).
Life is good now, Shamus. Enjoy your newfound journey. When you're feeling a little down, pour your heart out here and then go for a walk in the park or countryside. Imbibe nature and be thankful you're out and free.
Best wishes.
Your fellow-feeling friend,
Dansk
