How To Stop Worrying And Start Living

by garybuss 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • garybuss
    garybuss


    I have this written on a wall somewhere.

    If I can do something about it, why worry?
    If I can't do anything about it, why worry?

    *** How To Stop Worrying And Start Living

    by Dale Carnegie

    Chapter 2 A Magic Formula for Solving Worry Situations

    Would you like a quick, sure-fire recipe for handling worry situations- a technique you can start using right away, before you go any further in reading this book?

    Then let me tell you about the method worked out by Willis H. Carrier, the brilliant engineer who launched the air-conditioning industry, and who headed the world-famous Carrier Corporation, in Syracuse, New York. It is one of the best techniques I ever heard of for solving worry problems, and I got it from Mr. Carrier personally when we were having lunch together one day at the Engineers' Club in New York.

    "When I was a young man," Mr. Carrier said, "I worked for the Buffalo Forge Company in Buffalo, New York. I was handed the assignment of installing a gas-cleaning device in a plant of the Pittsburgh Plate Glass Company at Crystal City, Missouri-a plant costing millions of dollars. The purpose of this installation was to remove the impurities from the gas so it could be burned without injuring the engines. This method of cleaning gas was new. It had been tried only once before-and under different conditions. In my work at Crystal City, Missouri, unforeseen difficulties arose. It worked after a fashion-but not well enough to meet the guarantee we had made.

    "I was stunned by my failure. It was almost as if someone had struck me a blow on the head. My stomach, my insides, began to twist and turn. For a while I was so worried I couldn't sleep.

    "Finally, common sense reminded me that worry wasn't getting me anywhere; so I figured out a way to handle my problem without worrying. It worked superbly. I have been using this same anti-worry technique for more than thirty years. It is simple. Anyone can use it. It consists of three steps:

    "Step I. I analyzed the situation fearlessly and honestly and figured out what was the worst that could possibly happen as a result of this failure. No one was going to jail me or shoot me. That was certain. True, there was also a chance that I would lose my position; and there was also a chance that my employers would have to remove the machinery and lose the twenty thousand dollars we had invested.

    "Step II. After figuring out what was the worst that could possibly happen, I reconciled myself to accepting it, if necessary. I said to myself: This failure will be a blow to my record, and it might possibly mean the loss of my job; but if it does, I can always get another position. Conditions could be much worse; and as far as my employers are concerned-well, they realize that we are experimenting with a new method of cleaning gas, and if this experience costs them twenty thousand dollars, they can stand it. They can charge it up to research, for it is an experiment.

    "After discovering the worst that could possibly happen and reconciling myself to accepting it, if necessary, an extremely important thing happened: I immediately relaxed and felt a sense of peace that I hadn't experienced in days.¶ "Step m. From that time on, I calmly devoted my time and energy to trying to improve upon the worst which I had already accepted mentally.¶ "I now tried to figure out ways and means by which I might reduce the loss of twenty thousand dollars that we faced. I made several tests and finally figured out that if we spent another five thousand for additional equipment, our problem would be solved. We did this, and instead of the firm losing twenty thousand, we made fifteen thousand.

    "I probably would never have been able to do this if I had kept on worrying, because one of the worst features about worrying is that it destroys our ability to concentrate. When we worry, our minds jump here and there and everywhere, and we lose all power of decision. However, when we force ourselves to face the worst and accept it mentally, we then eliminate all these vague imaginings and put ourselves in a position in which we are able to concentrate on our problem. "This incident that I have related occurred many years ago. It worked so superbly that I have been using it ever since; and, as a result, my life has been almost completely free from worry."

    Now, why is Willis H. Carrier's magic formula so valuable and so practical, psychologically speaking? Because it yanks us down out of the great gray clouds in which we fumble around when we are blinded by worry. It plants our feet good and solid on the earth. We know where we stand. And if we haven't solid ground under us, how in creation can we ever hope to think anything through? Professor William James, the father of applied psychology, has been dead since 1910. But if he were alive today, and could hear this formula for facing the worst, he would heartily approve it. How do I know that? Because he told his own students: "Be willing to have it so.... Be willing to have it so," he said, because ". . . acceptance of what has happened is the first step in overcoming the consequences of any misfortune."

    The same idea was expressed by Lin Yutang in his widely read book, The Importance of Living. "True peace of mind," said this Chinese philosopher, "comes from accepting the worst. Psychologically, I think, h means a release of energy."

    That's it, exactly! Psychologically, it means a new release of energy! When we have accepted the worst, we have nothing more to lose. And that automatically means-we have everything to gain! "After facing the worst," Willis H. Carrier reported, "I immediately relaxed and felt a sense of peace that I hadn't experienced in days. From that time on, I was able to think."

    Makes sense, doesn't it? Yet millions of people have wrecked their lives in angry turmoil, because they refused to accept the worst; refused to try to improve upon it; refused to salvage what they could from the wreck. Instead of trying to reconstruct their fortunes, they engaged in a bitter and "violent contest with experience"-and ended up victims of that brooding fixation known as melancholia.

    Would you like to see how someone else adopted Willis H. Carrier's magic formula and applied it to his own problem? Well, here is one example, from a New York oil dealer who was a student in my classes.

    "I was being blackmailed!" this student began. "I didn't believe it was possible-I didn't believe it could happen outside of the movies-but I was actually being blackmailed! What happened was this: the oil company of which I was the head had a number of delivery trucks and a number of drivers. At that time, war regulations were strictly in force, and we were rationed on the amount of oil we could deliver to anY one of our customers. I didn't know it, but it seems that certain of our drivers had been delivering oil short to our regular customers, and then reselling the surplus to customers of their own.

    "The first inkling I had of these illegitimate transactions was when a man who claimed to be a government inspector came to see me one day and demanded hush money. He had got documentary proof of what our drivers had been doing, and he threatened to turn this proof over to the District Attorney's office if I didn't cough up.

    "I knew, of course, that I had nothing to worry about-personally, at least. But I also knew that the law says a firm is responsible for the actions of its employees. What's more, I knew that if the case came to court, and it was aired in the newspapers, the bad publicity would ruin my business. And I was proud of my business-it had been founded by my father twenty-four years before.¶ "I was so worried I was sick! I didn't eat or sleep for three days and nights. I kept going around in crazy circles. Should I pay the money- five thousand dollars-or should I tell this man to go ahead and do his damnedest? Either way I tried to make up my mind, it ended in nightmare.

    "Then, on Sunday night, I happened to pick up the booklet on How to Stop Worrying, which I had been given in my Carnegie class in public speaking. I started to read it, and came across the story of Willis H. Carrier. 'Face the worst,' it said. So I asked myself, 'What is the worst that can happen if I refuse to pay up, and these blackmailers turn their records over to the District Attorney?'
    "The answer to that was: 'The ruin of my business-that's the worst that can happen. I can't go to jail. All that can happen is that I shall be ruined by the publicity.'

    "I then said to myself, 'All right, the business is ruined. I accept that mentally. What happens next?'

    "Well, with my business ruined, I would probably have to look for a job. That wasn't bad. I knew a lot about oil-there were several firms that might be glad to employ me.... I began to feel better. The blue funk I had been in for three days and nights began to lift a little. My emotions calmed down.... And to my astonishment, I was able to think.

    "I was clearheaded enough now to face Step m-improve on the worst. As I thought of solutions, an entirely new angle presented itself to me. If I told my attorney the whole situation, he might find a way out which I hadn't thought of. I know it sounds stupid to say that this hadn't even occurred to me before-but of course I hadn't been thinking. I had only been worrying! I immediately made up my mind that I would see my attorney first thing in the morning-and then I went to bed and slept like a log!

    "How did it end? Well, the next morning my lawyer told me to go and see the District Attorney and tell him the truth. I did precisely that. When I finished I was astonished to hear the D.A. say that this blackmail racket had been going on for months and that the man who claimed to be a 'government agent' was a crook wanted by the police. What a relief to hear all this after I had tormented myself for three days and nights wondering whether I should hand over five thousand dollars to this professional swindler!

    "This experience taught me a lasting lesson. Now, whenever I face a pressing problem that threatens to worry me, I give it what I call 'the old Willis H. Carrier formula."'

    If you think Willis H. Carrier had troubles-listen: you ain't heard nothin' yet. Here is the story of Earl P. Haney, of Winchester, Massachusetts. Here is the story as he told it to me himself on November 17, 1948, in the Hotel Statler in Boston.

    "Back in the twenties," he said, "I was so worried that ulcers began eating the lining of my stomach. One night, I had a terrible hemorrhage. I was rushed to a hospital connected with the School of Medicine of Northwestern University of Chicago. My weight dropped from 175 pounds to 90 pounds. I was so ill I was warned not even to lift my hand. Three doctors, including a celebrated ulcer specialist, said my case was 'incurable.' I Ihed on alkaline powders and a tablespoonful of half milk and half cream every hour. A nurse put a rubber tube down into my stomach every night and morning and pumped out the contents.¶ "This went on for months....Finally, I said to myself: 'Look here, Earl Haney, if you have nothing to look forward to except a lingering death, you might as well make the most of the little time you have left. You have always wanted to travel around the world before you die; so if you are ever going to do it, you'll have to do it now.'

    "When I told my physicians I was going to travel around the world and pump out my own stomach twice a day, they were shocked. Impossible! They had never heard of such a thing. They warned me that if I started around the world, I would be buried at sea. 'No, I won't,' I replied. 'I have promised my relatives that I will be buried in the family plot at Broken Bow, Nebraska. So I am going to take my casket with me.

    "I arranged for a casket, put it aboard ship, and then made arrangements with the steamship company-in the event of my death-to put my corpse in a freezing compartment and keep it there till the liner returned home. I set out on my trip, imbued with the spirit of old Omar:

    Ah, Make the most of what we yet may spend,
    Before we too into the Dust decend;
    Dust into Dust, and under Dust, to lie, Sans Wine,
    sans Song, sans Singer, and-sans End!

    "The moment I boarded the S.S. President Adams in Los Angeles and headed for the Orient, I felt better. I gradually gave up my alkaline powders and my stomach pump. I was soon eating all kinds of foods- even strange native mixtures and concoctions that were guaranteed to kill me. As the weeks went by, I even smoked long, black cigars and drank highballs. I enjoyed myself more than I had in years! We ran into monsoons and typhoons which should have put me in my casket, if only from fright-but I got an enormous kick out of all this adventure.

    "I played games aboard the ship, sang songs, made new friends, stayed up half the night. When we reached China and India, I realized that the business cares that I had faced back home were paradise compared to the poverty and hunger in the Orient. I stopped all my senseless worrying and felt fine. When I got back to America, I had gained ninety pounds and I had almost forgotten I had ever had a stomach ulcer. I had never felt better in my life. I went back to business and haven't been ill a day since."

    Earl P. Haney told me he realizes now that he was unconsciously using the selfsame principles that Willis H. Carrier used to conquer worry.

    "First, I asked myself, 'What is the worst that could possibly happen?' The answer was death.

    "Second, I prepared myself to accept death. I had to. There was no choice. The doctors said my case was hopeless.

    "Third, I tried to improve the situation by getting the utmost enjoyment out of life for the short time I had left....lf," he continued, "if I had gone on worrying after boarding that ship, I have no doubt that I would have made the return voyage inside my coffin. But I relaxed-and I forgot all my troubles. And this calmness of mind gave me a new burst of energy which actually saved my life."

    So, Rule 2 is: If you have a worry problem, apply the magic formula of Willis
    H. Carrier by doing these three things-

    1. Ask yourself, "What is the worst that can possibly happen?"
    2. Prepare to accept it if you have to.
    3. Then calmly proceed to improve on the worst.

    ***

    One of my favorite. Gary

  • minimus
    minimus

    We need to be positive and realistic. Too often we get down on ourselves for what we could have or should have done....Usually, it's too late. Plus, getting bottled up with stress and worry is no good for you. But we all do it, don't we? I like to think about the many positives of life.

  • DanTheMan
    DanTheMan

    Hey Gary,

    I am currently reading How to Win Friends and Influence People by the same author. So far the book has been a tremendous encouragement and it is helping me to come out of the "blue funk" that I've been in since my departure from JW-world.

    Instead of trying to reconstruct their fortunes, they engaged in a bitter and "violent contest with experience"-and ended up victims of that brooding fixation known as melancholia.
    Excellent words! I will make it a point to get a copy of this book the next time I go to the library. I am all too familiar with the "brooding fixation known as melancholia".
  • freedom96
    freedom96

    I have read that book, and I agree that the method described is an excellent tool for handling stress in our lives. And a far more constructive way to handle problems that come our way!

    Edited to say that I just noticed that my husband forgot to log himself out after he finished - this is caligirl and I hate that I just gave him another post!

  • nowisee
    nowisee

    that was great, gary. worrying is so unhealthy. not worrying sometimes actually eliminates the source of worry!

    best wishes, nowisee

  • garybuss
    garybuss


    Thanks for the comments. Lots of wisdom here for free.

    A sage once told me, "Worry is a prayer for what I do not want to happen.".

    I tend to make happen what I focus on. There lies the danger of focusing on the things I do not want.

    Gary




    The Way I See it http://www.freeminds.org/buss/buss.htm

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    Gary, I'm really glad you posted this. I knew about that part where we just need to think or visualize the worse thing that could happen. Then, we prepare ourselves for that, and let go. There is nothing else we can do.

    It really does work. Some of the most complex, even scary situations can be delt with. One does not have to go crazy in the process.

    Thanks!

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