Intro final
My journey from being a born in witness to an agnostic was now complete. In my humble opinion, based on research done by Ehrman and others, it left me feeling satisfied with the thought that belief in the unerring word of God was founded on shaky ground. If we don’t have the original manuscripts, and only possess copies of copies, how could i possibly place full confidence in what our current manuscripts say about Jesus and the early Christians?
So much doctrine has been formulated over words and phrases in the bible, which may or may not have originally existed in the first draft. How much extrapolation occurred decade after decade, generation after generation, as each new batch of Christian convert, read and reread the bible, adding their own understanding, to shape future converts. If we can’t see the original words, then why ascribe divine inspiration on copies of copies, which have already demonstrated under scrutiny having multiple differences from each other.
So as of this writing i find myself in the camp of the agnostic. Is there a God? I simply do not know, but I’m okay with that, I’ve arrived at a point in my life where i do not need all my answers answered.
Since moving to our new home, I’ve had two elders individually call on me several times. One elder is half awake to ttatt, the other a fully indoctrinated follower, who when asked by me whether he thought this is the same organization he and i grew up in? He replied candidly yes. As far as he was concerned it is all about the kingdom, all the changes were just simply window dressing. The other elder is fully aware of the many inconstancies in the organization , he even watched all the ARC hearings, and was dismayed with the proceedings. However he feels the jdubs are the best of a bad bunch, and that some time in the near future Jesus will step in and correct the organization.
I’ve made it clear to both elders i have grave doubts about the bible being infallibly God’s word. I have also made it clear i will not be going back to any meetings. I made it clear i don’t want to associate with the organization, but I’m not disassociating myself either. So far so good.
My wife remains a witness for her family’s sake, but she has not been to a meeting for around eight months now. Gladly she is not showing any signs of missing the meetings or the fellowship. I’m now in the autumn of my life. Many years have been wasted on a false belief, and many decisions regretted because of it. As so many witnesses before me, i have not fully prepared for my retirement, which is only a few years away. But I’ve implemented strategies to at least partially alleviate my retirement concerns. I have wished many times that i had been born to normal parents, with clear objectives about future preparedness, instead of leaving everything in Jehovah’s hands. Thanks for taking the time to read my journey, may all of us continue to deprogram and learn to love ourselves and the precious life we have in common, freed from the cult of fear and repression.