Are ALL JW families like this??

by Dawn 4 Replies latest jw friends

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  Dawn

  I am the only DF'd person in my family of brothers and parents. My father was an elder, my brothers are all elders or MS and pioneers (........yea for me..........)

  Anyways.....seems that when some crisis occurs like a death in the family everyone rushes to help - but only during the crisis. When the crisis is over and we're just left with the day to day maintenance of things (like taking care of our elderly parents) they're no where to be found. My father passed away and my mom needs a lot of help keeping up with the house and other things - seems that my husband and I (the non-JW's) are the only ones in the family that take care of this. One of my elder brothers lives only 2 hours drive away and has not even come to see her in almost 2 years.

  I have another brother who died recently outside of the States - he was a pioneer and MS. Everyone gathered around during the crisis - but then within a month it was forgotten and again my husband and I are left to finish dealing with the gravesite in this foreign country where he died.

  My father was an alcoholic and we are not a very close knit family. So I wonder....is it because of the way my family is (being dysfunctional) or is this a JW thing?
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  Prisca

  It happens in most families after a death in the family. At a time of grief, everyone rallies around for mutual sympathy, but after a couple of weeks, everyone gets back into their normal pattern of daily life. It doesn't mean no one is grieving - most people prefer to grieve privately and in their own way.

  I don't think being a JW has anything to do with it - I've seen it happen with JWs and non-JWs alike.

  It's possible that your father's alcoholism has caused your siblings to learn to live indepentantly of the rest of the family. It's possibly a survival mechanism, in order to escape the disfunction in the family.
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  Dawn

  Thanks for the response Prisca. I also wonder how much of my family's problems are a result of my father's alcoholism.
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  blondie

  Hi, Dawn,

  Prisca has hit it on the head. I am an adult child of an alcoholic. It is amazing how many survival behaviors we carry into adulthood. I read some information on this and attended a few meetings with other adult children. It was eerie to hear people tell the same story you have lived. Here are a couple of sites that you might find something to read on this.

  
  

  1. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal behavior is.

  2. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.

  3. Adult children of alcoholics lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.

  4. Adult children of alcoholics judge themselves without mercy.

  5. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty having fun.

  6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.

  7. Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty with intimate relationships.

  8. Adult children of alcoholics overreact to changes over which they have no control.

  9. Adult children of alcoholics constantly seek approval and affirmation.

  10. Adult children of alcoholics usually feel that they are different from other people.

  11. Adult children of alcoholics are super responsible or super irresponsible.

  12. Adult children of alcoholics are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.

  13. Adult children of alcoholics are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

  http://www.drjan.com/

  http://www.adultchildren.org/

  http://www.recovery.org/acoa/acoa.html

  Blondie
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  Dawn

  Wow Blondie - that's amazing! Thanks so much - I'm going to do some more research on this - you're right - it's eerie how much my family (and I ) match this list!