Nappy - I feel you 100%. I went through that for a couple of years. There's no time table for these things to mend, each person is different, and you never really get over it fully. Anytime your treated less than civil or as you say " Treated like a sh**" it's troublesome.
Many folks say ex-jw's should get on with their lives and just forget the non-sense the JDubs do - And I agree. But anytime you're treated less than an human, you can't ignore that, it bothers you, especially if it comes from a family member. They think they are shaming you into coming back, but all they are doing is making you resent them more. The spiritual blackmail, just doesn't work in these 'last days.'
I refused to let my mother preach to my kids - The nerve of her trying to get them to be a Dub. She sees that my relationship with her is strained (to say the least), and for her to try to turn my kids against me is ludicrous. Oh, and of course, like a good J-Dub, she tried to turn my wife against me. My children are now 15 and 12 and I think she's seen them 3 times (maybe) since I left the Borg about 6 years ago - She's never even been to my house since than. However, we have child molesters, drug addicts, etc. in our family and she had no problem associating with them or even inviting them places.
Although most of my family are J-Dubs I could forgive them and laugh at their silly behavior. But it's my mother whom I have a problem with. Every JDub family has a ring leader, and my mother it the one in my family. It's because of her un-balanced and inhumane behavior towards me, that everyone else just follows her lead. I know the rules and I know many people who left the Borg, like I did, but they still maintain a decent relationship with their family. My mother took it to the extremes and thus, the rest just followed.
There are no answers to these kinds of situations - Is is what it is - They live in their worlds and we live in ours. Even if one day a happy medium could be reached, I think it's a shame that so much time has been wasted.
Thanks for the excuse to vent - it's been a while :)
Peace, Larry :)