Humorous Signs
These signs and notices, written in English, were discovered in
many countries around the world:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU WITH NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."
In a Rome laundromat:
"LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING GOOD TIME."
In a Japanese hotel:
"YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
In a Tokyo bar:
"SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR LADIES WITH NUTS."
In a Belgrade hotel:
"THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
Outside a Paris shop:
"DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING."
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"
In the office of a Roman doctor:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES."
In a Bangkok cleaner:
"DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS."
In an Acapulco hotel:
"THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL WATER SERVED HERE."
In a Zurich hotel:
"BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING
GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM,
IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THAT PURPOSE."
In an Austrian hotel (catering to skiers):
"NOT TO PERAMBULATE IN THE CORRIDORS DURING THE HOURS OF REPOSE
IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION."
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
"THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY.
DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from the monastery:
"YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN COMPOSERS,
ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
"IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO RUSSIA, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT."
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
"SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE: LIMPID RED BEET SOUP
WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER;
ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN UP IN THE
COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION."
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
"COOLS AND HEATS: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF
WARM IN YOUR ROOM PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF."
In a Budapest zoo:
"PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY
SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY."
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
"WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE
THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST,
BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR
PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR."
In a Swiss mountain inn:
"SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE CREAM."
From the Soviet weekly:
"THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY
150 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE
WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
"WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."