Has anyone felt like this?

by Garnet 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • Garnet
    Garnet

    Hi All,

    When you left the Borg, did any of you feel that God was dissapointed in you? I know in my heart that I am not turning my back on God, but my mind says something else (and so do the people in the religion). It's weird, when I was a Catholic, I NEVER felt guilty for missing Mass, I KNEW that God loved me. But ever since I became a Witness, I question his love all the time. I feel like I am not good enough, actually that is why almost didn't get baptized. I felt that I was not worthy of it. Is it weird to feel this way? Did any of you feel guilt for leaving or trying to think on your own? Will it ease up over time?

    Also, it has been almost 4 months since I have been to a meeting, I just couldnt take it anymore...I work many hours and have been through an emotional roller coaster of health problems (both myself and husband) family issues, etc...I just could not make the meetings and was sick of the "where have you been" instead of "how have you been", although there are an exception of people whom I love dearly. I just cannot tell them that I don't go anymore, I don't want to lose them as friends...but it's ridiculous if they shun me, for what..not going to meetings!?!.

    My husband saw someone from our old hall at a fast food drive through and they asked how the new cong. was, he didn't lie, he said "we haven't been going" well they stepped back and then dissapeared! Someone else rang him up. I don't want to make a conclusion from this one episode, but does that seem "strange" to anyone else here? Neither one of us are DF OR DA, we just havent gone because the stress of life and stress to "always do better, your not good enough, etc..." got to us. I am now awaiting the bombardment of questions from people I havent heard from, since I KNOW that the whole cong. now knows we don't go!

    All I can say is: OI

  • Jessica Rabbit
    Jessica Rabbit

    Yes I have felt that way. Now I realize why. I was relating God to people who claimed to be his chosen people. I saw HIM with THIER personalities. After putting all opinions on the backburner and reading ONLY the Bible I no longer feel like I have disapointed him. I feel like I know what He expects from me and it is definitely not in some GROUP I associate with.

  • Vivamus
    Vivamus
    Is it weird to feel this way?

    No, it's not weird to feel that way, simply because you [like me, and many others] have been conditioned to feel like that. Every time we stepped into a KH, it was drilled into our minds that we should be grateful for being there, and feel bloody ashamed everytime we missed one of those precious meetings.

    Did any of you feel guilt for leaving or trying to think on your own?

    Yes, I did too.

    Will it ease up over time?

    Oh yes, no question about that, the guilt will fade into nothingness. Just let your mind think for itself again. Analyze what the JW taught you, and see the flaws in it, and be free.

    Take care.

    -

    Dutch District Overbeer

  • cowhand
    cowhand

    Hi Garnet,

    There are probably millions of us! As time passes and we get ourselves straightened out and separate what we can't believe from what we could believe, and discover that there are "worldly" people out there who are a great improvement on most of our old acquaintances, and enjoy being free to discover our own truth - I could go on!

    When I was in the "truth", but weak, I used to imagine myself facing my maker on judgement day, and on being required to account for myself. Even then I found myself thinking that to say I followed a particular path because the WTS told me to would be an abdication of my personal responsibility.

    Go well, Garnet

  • DJ
    DJ

    Garnet,

    You are feeling the effects of being in a high control cultish religion. Probably everyone on this board can relate to what you have written. I just finished a book that I think you will like, it's called "awakening of a jehovah's witness" by Diane Wilson. There are many books written by former witnesses that could help you unravel the mess in your head, but it does take time and for me..lots of prayer.Have you read Crisis of Conscience by ray franz?

  • SheilaM
    SheilaM

    Garnet: No and this is why, think God has more problems on his plate then me showing up at a building with some men in outdated suits and women that need a fashion emergency visit. I think God, should if so concerned be working on the lives of murders and the evil men do not where I decide or when I decide to worship.

  • kgfreeperson
    kgfreeperson

    In fact, I have that book and would be happy to send it to you--email me at [email protected] if you are interested.

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