Mental Impairment And Marriage.

by Englishman 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    In our local pub, we often get a visit from a young man whom I shall call Terry. Quite a few posters may have come across Terry at last years 'fest in Weston.

    Terry is a nice enough lad, amiable and friendly although he does drink too much occasionally. The thing is, Terry has severe learning difficuties. Really severe, he couldn't tell you his address, he can't read at all nor can he tell the time. However, the locals accept him for what he is and treat him kindly. Terry will never be able to work simply because he can't remember what task he has been asked to perform. He will forget within seconds, although he does remember people and their names.

    I've known Terry since he was 5 years old. He's now 22 and interested in girls to quite a degree. Recently Terry met a girl who also has medium learning difficulties and they became an item. The relationship advanced and engagement to marry became a possibility. However the friendship was brought to an abrupt end by the lady, so that appeared to be an end to the matter.

    A few weeks ago Terry took up with another lady with similar problems and the term "engagement" is being mentioned again.

    Obviously, we all want Terry to have his rightful share of happiness, but we are curious as to how it would be possible for a couple with such difficuties to cope with marital responsibilities. Simply cooking a meal is an impossibility for them. How would they cope if children were born?

    I wondered if anyone had come across a situation like this and could supply some input? I believe that Terry's parents would be supportive to a degree which could relieve financial problems BTW.

    Englishman

    PS Terry's problems were caused by oxygen deprivation at birth, so there would not be any reason to expect problems with future children.

  • searchfothetruth
    searchfothetruth

    I think that you HAVE to be mentally impaired to Get married in the first place.!

  • Englishman
    Englishman
    I think that you HAVE to be mentally impaired to Get married in the first place.!

    Gasp!!! And there you are with that beautiful wife of yours... Englishman.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I think it depends on where you live Eman

    In some places they just sterilize them to make sure they don't reproduce

    Fortunately in other places they recognize that is a human rights issue

    Where I am living in Winnipeg Canada they have all kinds of assisted living programs. Here a couple like the one you describe would probaly either live in a group home or in their own home (funded by the gov't)

    In either of those two situations they would have a team of support workers to care for them and help them do what they can to care for themselves. The support workers would shop, cook and clean and do food preparation. There is a huge push here to provide assisted living in homes. In some cases 3 or 4 adults are placed in the home with the support workers who work shifts. There are usually 2- or 3 people in the house at all times.

    Don't know if they have such a thing where you are but that might be one possibility

  • Englishman
    Englishman

    Lady Lee,

    Maybe we do have such places, it hadn't occured to me that such a thing would exist. What a good idea though, both for the residents and their parents also.

    Englishman.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    There is a huge push here to get those with mental disabilities into the community as much as possible. Personally I think it goes too far. When I first moved here I applied for one of the support worker jobs - not really understanding what I was getting into. They had a woman there that I thought would be better served in a more structured group home. They had 15 people to care for 1 person. In my mind that was a waste of resources. She didn't have a clue what was going on or why she had been moved from the home she knew.

    But for many people this is such a wonderful opportunity and from the sound of the young man you are talking about he might do well in a place like this if they have them over there across the wide blue

  • dannyboy
    dannyboy

    Englishman,

    I went to school with a fellow who has somewhat milder disabilities than you describe, but severe nonetheless, he married a girl with seemingly (to me) disabilities.......they live independently, neither is able to drive, but I see them out all the time, and it warms my heart.......as you infer: to see them "enjoy their share of happiness".....when I see them, sometimes the thought crosses my mind that him/they have really achieved something spectacular, yet generally unrecognized.

    This guy was what I think the term is "main-streamed" here in California (This was also decades ago, I being of the grey-hair class), i.e. even though it was recognized he had learning disabilities, somebody decided he'd do best when thrown in with the rest of us "normal" guys (whose quirks and problems were not so readily apparent )

    Of course, the degree of disability and the support of family have got to make a difference in the potential success of such a match-up.

    ---Dan

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