by run dont walk 9 Replies latest jw friends
Could of been as a child, teenanger, adult,anytime in your life, did you feel that being a JW (or JW parents) prevented you from doing things you really wanted to do.
Why does the Watchtower find it necessary to "rob" people of being human and enjoy things in life ???
Probably missed out on everything. Having even a somewhat normal life is impossible with JWs. Everything is controlled.
I think the WT does this for their benefit. The more they manipulate people to do their work the more they benefit. Nothing loving about it
I feel that American ex-JWs exaggerate quite a bit, or at least, that the reality of being a JW might be somewhat different in Europe... Never heard of pantyhose-requirements, smurf-hysteria, chaperone-hysteria, R-rated-film hysteria etc. before it was revealed to me in the online world... After all everything was not that controlled. You could choose what you wanted to eat for dinner :-)
I missed my freedom to act and to live happily
Inquiryman All the things you mentioned and a lot of others were huge issues here in North America. I was never out alone with my husband before we got married - never. We were "encouraged" to destroy aold records, control what our kids played with and watched on TV - smurfs were really Satanic, not buy used items in case they were demonized, shirt colors for men, length of hair and sideburns for men, length of skirts for women (can't let those sexy knees show you know in case you tempt some fragile brother or ask to be raped,my mother was counseled numerous times for having too much cleavage showing. These are realities for us over here, not exaggerations. And that is the little things.
What really surprises me is that despite the fact that we were told how "united" we were there was such a wide range of differences in those little things. Here they were big enough to get you reproved or wworse and you say they weren't issues over there. So much for unity
Of course, we get the same literature as the US brethren, the assemblies are the same, but I’ll definitely say there are substantial cultural differences between witnesses in various countries, due to culture. E.g. in Denmark, even elders giving talks at District conventions may have a beard - unheard of in most other countries. In Sweden, most witnesses did not dance (even in weddings), I think salsa-loving hispano brothers would find that surprising. In Germany, most witnesses are pretty liberal when it comes to alcohol, whereas they might be very strict in other areas. In England, I even saw a brother giving a number two talk in the TMS, having a ring in his ear.... In one Scandinavian country, piercing and tattoos are not unheard of, although disapproved officially. The emphasis may be different on various issues, and some of the more "extreme" views are simply not enforced on a grand scale. It might also be due to the number of witnesses, that a JW sub culture have developed, that have certain standards that are enforced either locally or regionally.
To be honest, I just think - f#$k it.
It's about what I make of my life now. It's pointless holding on when there's so much to catch up on and experience. Sometimes it can be hard, sometimes it's makes life more exciting.
I'm not sure what I missed out on most. At this moment, what strikes me is the fact that I filtered almost all ideas through JW belief systems. So that limits creativity, possibilities and the extent of ideas. I happened to come up after the JW decided to stop taking such a hard line on University education. So I was fortunate enough to get an electrical engineering degree. But what would I have done if I had not been trying to stuff this into the JW lifestyle. What would I have chosen to do if I had actually considered all of my options. Maybe I would expanded my major and went after other things I wanted to do.
As for differences, I could see differences even in different congregations. I would occasionally go several days without shaving, walk into the hall, and someone would grab me for microphone duty, and no one ever told me to stop helping behind the literature counter because of this, but I know other congregations were strict about this. After the society stopped taking a hardline on University education, I mostly got positive feedback from people in my congregation when they heard that I was going to college, but my wife, who's still a JW btw, told she still heard harsh words about that from the platform in the congregation she used to go to, and she actually would try to avoid letting people know about this because she knew the attitude toward this that still existed there.
Believe it or not, I remember some talk or article counseling elders about making rules out of things that are "suggested" in the Watchtower or other publications. Of course, you could argue, how can you tell what is a "suggestion" and what is "law." You could also argue that the JW powers may be spinning a bit of double talk there.
I remember my mother, who was probably 26 or so at the time, taking all of their records, things like Journey, REO Speedwagon, and burning all of them in the backyard. I also remember not being allowed to watch the Smurfs, Scooby Doo (because even though the ghosts were never real, it was still about ghosts), He-Man, etc...My brother is four years younger than I am, and when he was probably 3 or 4, I remember him saying that we probably shouldn't watch Speed Racer, because in the opening song, it says, "He's a demon on wheels!" Pretty sad....Oh, my mother also burned all of our Star Wars figures at one point.
I was counseled once at the age of 13, because my hair hung a little over one eye and I was told it was too worldly. I was talked about all over my grandmothers congregation because I wore something that they considered worldly (a black and white striped top with a matching skirt just above the knee-I remember because it was my favorite outfit at the time).
My stepfather threw out all my unicorn stuff, because it was "magical", and I couldn't hang up posters because it was idolatry.
But I think one of the things I missed out on the most are the worldly activities that help make a family a family, if that makes sense. Going to the boys baseball games, watching my daughter at tumbling practice, going over to California to see my in-laws for Christmas, Father's Day, big birthday parties, Halloween and the search for the perfect costume for my daughter and then trying to scare her friends when they come up to the door, going to the Christmas choir concerts...I could go on and on....I missed those things with my family.
It's about what I make of my life now - very good comment!
I'm definately making up for lost time now. My kids are very involved in extra-curricular activities so that keeps us busy doing the things we couldn't before.
I enjoy doing things with people that I choose as friends and not people that have been chosen for me. I like the freedom of being out with friends and not having to worry about stupid things like "what if someone sees us in a bar" when we're not doing anything wrong. Or whether the people I'm with are considered "good association". Now I just go do things with people because I WANT to and I come home feeling recharged. It's a nice feeling.
