A Modern Creation Story
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas, and God put an Island in the midst of the darkness of the Sea: and God saw that it was good.
And God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. And God called his name Adam. And God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed. And God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And God made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living.
And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord. And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of knowledge, but Cain was a tiller of myth. And in process of time it came to pass, that Cain brought of the fruit of his labors an offering unto God. And Abel, he also brought of the fruit of knowledge and of the fat thereof. And God had respect unto Abel and to his offering: But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell. And God said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and shalt thou rule over him?
And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were online, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. And God said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper? And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother's blood crieth unto me from the wires. And now art thou cursed from the Net, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand; When thou pliest the myths, they shall not henceforth yield unto thee their strength; a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the Net. And Cain said unto God, My punishment is greater than I can bear. Behold, thou hast driven me out this day from the face of the Net; and from thy face shall I be hid; and I shall be a fugitive and a vagabond in the Net; and it shall come to pass, that every one that findeth me shall slay me. And God said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him sevenfold. And God set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him. And Cain went out from the presence of God, and dwelt in the darkness of the Island in the midst of the Sea, and called its name Nod, and became King. And Cain lived nine hundred and ninety nine years, and begat sleepy sons and daughters, and he died.
And it came to pass, when sleepy men began to multiply on the Island of Nod, and daughters were born unto them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty sleepy men and women which were of old, men and women of self-renown. And the greatest of these was Melindezek, High Priestess of Nod.
And it came to pass in the days of Chedorlaomer king of Elam, that he made war with Bera king of Nil, which was in Nod. And came Chedorlaomer and smote the army of Bera, and he took Daniel, Cain's brother's son, who dwelt in Nod, and his goods, and departed. And there came one that had escaped, and told Cain the King. And when Cain heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan. And he smote them, and pursued them unto Johobah, and he brought back all the goods, and also brought again his brother Daniel, and his goods, and the women also, and the people.
And Melindezek High Priestess of Nod brought forth bread and wine: and she thought she was priestess of the most high God. And she blessed him, and said, Blessed be Cain of the most high God, possessor of heaven and earth: And blessed be the most high God, which hath delivered thine enemies into thy hand. And he gave her a tenth of all. And the king of Sodom said unto Cain, Give me the persons, and take the goods to thyself. And Cain said to the king of Sodom, I have lift up mine hand unto the Lord, the most high God, the possessor of heaven and earth, that I will not take from a thread even to a shoelatchet, and that I will not take any thing that is thine, lest thou shouldest say, I have made Cain rich: save only that which the young men have eaten, and the portion of the men which went with me, Aner, Eshcol, and Mamre; let them take their portion.
And after that the Net had rest forty years.
Disclaimer: All similarities of persons in this story to persons real or fictitious is purely coincidental, and should not be construed as slander, fault finding or humor.