An intro to my experience

drippee

Good evening,

I had an old account a few years back but since then have had a lot happen to me. I grew up in the faith, pioneered, did everything I could to keep my parents and peers off of my back, but nothing seemed to be enough to satisfy them. After all, it seemed as though all of this “worship” was merely for outside appearance and it didn’t feel like it was actually for spirituality or serving God.

Growing up in this environment has made me into a very confused and insecure adult. I don’t understand exactly where I stand with my family, former friends, and overall religion. I was desperate to get out and my parents wouldn’t let me leave home or the religion so I took matters into my own hands. I left home spur of the moment, (basically ran away but I was 18), and told the elders I was stepping away from the truth just so nobody would reach out to me. But I don’t think that was ever announced at a meeting because my family still reaches out to me and I have one friend that still worries about me and checks in on me.

I have an overwhelming amount of anxiety whenever they try to visit with me because I don’t want to get dragged back into that mess and I live a very different lifestyle than them. But really just a normal life in “the eyes of the world”. I have tattoos, I swear, I watch rated r movies, I smoke, anything else the witnesses can twist into being “worldly” and “unclean”.

I have no desire to be a witness again, but part of me can’t help but keep thinking about the good times I had with my friends and family. I miss my friends and family because I don’t have any now and i guess im just having mixed feelings. I keep wondering where I would stand if I reached out or if any of them saw me again. They all act as though I haven’t left the truth, granted they haven’t seen me in 3 years. Is it dumb to feel like this? Wish I could word this all better and maybe I’m just letting nostalgia get the better of me.

Mikejw

It sounds to me like you are just inactive and nothing been announced. You have successfully faded. Well done, many tried and failed then things are ruined for them. This is great, you will not be shunned if you were living with a girlfriend or smoking or something else that goes against their rules, as you are not know as a witness. You would be viewed as an interested person and get invited to gatherings and BBQs.

you can use this to your advantage and have the best of both worlds. Go to gatherings parties and give them hope you may return to Jehovah one day.

you can easily become JWlite now and have contact with JWs. You will be love bombed when you go back but be very careful not to say anything like you want to come back ‘in the truth’ you are still undecided as far as they need to know, be very careful what you say.

give them a little hope that you May become a believer again but you need time. You can milk this indefinitely if you want.

watch the latest Feb broadcast there is a section near then the new original song showing different ones who were inactive for years and then shows some who were reactivated but you don’t want to let this happen just get the love bombing going on for an indefinite period of time it’s like eating the bait without getting caught on the hook.

in the music video one chap who becomes inactive for years is called on by two elders, he invites them in for a chat and possibly leads them on. They invite him back to a meeting and he gets love bombed beyond measure.

why not try it and please let us know how it goes? You can stay JWlite indefinitely and have the best of both worlds. Eat the bait without getting caught in the trap.

TonusOH

drippee: I miss my friends and family because I don’t have any now

This is how the organization traps you. They build up an innate distrust of "worldly" people and demand that you avoid any kind of relationship with them, especially friendship or romance. When you leave the organization, not only do you not have a support structure in place, you also have become "worldly" yourself, and you subconsciously apply the distrust and dislike to yourself.

So, you have two things you should focus on: ridding yourself of the negative self-image, and finding friends and relationships among normal (not "worldly") people. If you still believe in god, find a nearby church and see what it's like (this can be a difficult experience for those raised as JWs, again because of the negative association created by their "false religion" narrative).

If you no longer believe in god, then go places and meet people. Again, this can be difficult for someone raised in the insular and restrictive JW lifestyle. And it sucks that you are learning many social skills now that you should have learned as a teenager. But there's no substitute for taking control of your life and living it, mistakes and all.

Good luck!

DesirousOfChange

I miss my friends and family because I don’t have any now and i guess im just having mixed feelings.

You relationships might be the same among old friends, especially any who are PIMO. However, old friends who are still "in" would likely be cautious.

Your experience gives the impression you are likely still young -- that is, young enough to begin acquiring real friends. It's not as easy to do in real life as it was as a JW. There you have automatic friends, but of course, they are also conditional friends. Most will put the rules of the borganization above their personal relationships. Many who may not really want to do that, may still do it out of fear from reprisal if they are caught breaking the rules.

The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

stan livedeath

@Drippee

Hello! I see you use those words " the truth". If you do your own research--you will come to realise it is NOT the truth at all--just ideas and opinions mixed together to form a money making snare and a racket.

drippee

I appreciate the replies and it is hard to navigate thoughts and feelings that I’m dealing with. I’ll be 22 in a month but i feel I don’t click well with people my age. I do agree that people would definitely be leery and cautious around me. I am just amazed at the fact that people can just flip a switch and cut someone off for the sake of a religion. Pretty sad.

Do you think if any of them saw me now with my tattoos that they would treat me like I was DF’d?

I do believe that living a happy and successful life is absolutely the best form of revenge. Maybe I have a lot more resentment against them than I thought. What a time to be alive

HOTB

Sadly there is no such thing as 'real' friends when it comes to JW's. When you choose to leave the cult you lose your 'friends' too.

No matter how long you were in and no matter how long you had your 'friends' they are conditioned to view you as 'worldly'. Yes, they may try to either get you back on - or conversely, may try to trip you up so they have evidence that you are really out - then judicial action will be taken.

You have chosen freedom. Enjoy it.

Build a new life for yourself. Those past nice times with the JW's will not be recoverable unless you give up your freedom and toe the party line again.

It may not be easy. You will have moments of longing for the old days. The best way to deal with it is to remember with fondness as part of your life experience but don't let it be what conditions or controls you.

If you wish for a non hypocritical life make sure the way you choose to life is 'your' choice. The middle ground would be a non palatable one.

Enjoy what you have and grow upon it. Make new friends and soon the old ones will fade to where they should be - a memory of what once was.

I wish you all the best and hope you find peace and happiness with no regrets. Don't let others pull your heart strings.

peacefulpete

Everyone has moments of nostalgia. It's part of leaving childhood behind. I agree wholeheartedly that returning to pretend to be someone else is a very bad idea. People get messed up trying and in the end must conform or reopen wounds.

Take it from someone whose been around the block, people will come and go. Enjoy the company of people you like and who like you, knowing they may not forever be in your life. People change, people move.

I never knew a 22-year-old that didn't believe their life was missing something. You should feel that way, life is ahead of you. It's a mistake, with all your potential, to run backwards to something that didn't work the first time.

drippee

I REALLY needed this. It’s a relief hearing that it’s not just me, that I’m not alone or going absolutely insane. I’ve been so caught up in what “once was” and fearing my future.

To this day I still live with the confusion of what people want from me. If I went above and beyond as a witness it wasn’t enough and I still got lectured so I pull away from doing anything and drop off the face of the earth and it’s definitely frowned upon. I think it’s awful to put a child through that while they are trying to grow and develop.

Goodbye childhood confusion, hello ptsd

An intro to my experience

Share this