Intro... Back after a long non-lurking hiatus

by jwundubbed 7 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  jwundubbed

  I hope this is the right place to put this.

  So, I joined this site a while ago because I was looking for conversation and to help people. I think at the time I actually needed to be around the kinds of people that I had grown up with as well. I didn't participate when I initially joined because I didn't understand the site. I still don't. But I know how to put in the work to learn how an individual website works. I found another site that had a format I was familiar with and also was very active. I started participating there. Then they shut down without a by your leave. Gah!

  I came back here for support. But again... didn't stay long and didn't participate much. For much the same reason. This-and-that and drama blah blah blah on another site and I gave up on JW or exJW everything for a while. There was some personal drama at the same time. I had a relationship that ended on a very bad note. So... I went a bit hermit and stopped doing much with internet social networks of any kind. I hunkered down to focus on myself and working figuring out what kind of person I want to be. I worked on forming healthier life habits.

  None of this is telling you much about me... I'll get there. I was born and raised a JW. I left when I was 18-20, almost right after I got baptized. Strangely that was the last straw for me. I won't go into all that here and now. It was right after that, that I started showing symptoms of extreme PTSD. My little sister told a lie about me and most of my JW family shunned me. Well, if they were going to shun me for a lie then I might as well tell them the truth. Anyone on the fence before was done with me when they found out I'm not Christian/hetero-normative.

  About 20 years later and I find that I have gotten over most of the PTSD, I am happier than ever since I saw the last of my JW family shun me, and even though I have come a very long way the JW programming still has some effect on me. I feel and take on responsibilities that aren't mine. This is what I'm working on at the moment. There are a lot of other things that non-JW people just don't get and can't have explained to them.

  I feel the need for conversation again... and good conversation. This site has that. You may or may not hear from me on the boards though because I'm gonna do it right this time. I'm going to hunker down and figure out how this site works best. I'll definitely be lurking. I'll chime in when I can and when I want to.

  Anyway, I just wanted to say hello and let you know who I am. In the past people have called me 'jwun' (sounds Korean, which is kinda awesome) or 'undub'. I like both. I'm not picky. Whatever will be, will be.

  So... Hello!
• 

  smiddy

  Welcome back jwundubbed ,i have been on this site about 10 years and I love it .You can say what you want be annon ,and for the most part nobody will judge you or shun you for your beliefs or life style

  I was a Jw for 33 years ,left about 25 years ago ,so if you ever want to pm me and still be anon.I am here .I have a listening ear and if I can be of any service to you for whatever as I said I am here.

  And believe me their are many folk here that will make you feel welcome and offer good advise with whatever question you present to them.

  And hello
• 

  shepherdless

  Welcome back, jwundubbed.
• 

  Confusedalot

  Hi jwundubbed

  From your post: "I feel and take on responsibilities that aren't mine. This is what I'm working on at the moment."

  I can sympathize with that, because I am also struggling with the same issues. As you know the effects of JW brainwashing have long term effects on our behaviour and thought patterns that seem very difficult to shake. Talking and sharing seem to work wonders though, especially with people that share some common ground.

  Best wishes..
• 

  LongHairGal

  JWUNDUBBED:

  Welcome to the forum!

  In reading your words: "I feel and take on responsibilities that aren't mine", what I think you mean (unless I am mistaken) is that the Witness religion tries to get or guilt-trip people to get involved in the problems of users and dysfunctional people, doing favors and what not.

  I totally rejected this and felt it was targeting single women to do this but I suppose a "brother" could get caught up in this too. Unfortunately, the Witness religion has more than the usual amount of people who don't function well in society because of their lack of education or even interest in being a responsible person.. I saw this trap and steered clear.

  Just learn to say NO..Practice in front of the mirror.
• 

  Tallon

  Welcome back jwundubbed.

  I'm going to hunker down and figure out how this site works best. I'll definitely be lurking. I'll chime in when I can and when I want to.

  Take your time, there's no rush. Make postings as and when you can. Looking forward to reading your comments in due course.
• 

  stuckinarut2

  Welcome.

  This is a safe place full of supportive people who understand what we have all been through.

  Stay, participate and enjoy.

  Best wishes to you!
• 

  jwundubbed

  Thanks for the warm welcome!

  @smiddy,

  Thanks. I typically don't have any problem putting my name and face on my comments, but I will keep the advice in mind.

  @shepherdless, Thank you!

  @Confusedalot,

  As you know the effects of JW brainwashing have long term effects on our behaviour and thought patterns that seem very difficult to shake. Talking and sharing seem to work wonders though, especially with people that share some common ground.

  Yes, I have found talking to people who share common ground to be very helpful. And no matter how much of the brainwashing you work out there always seems to be more to work on.

  @LongHairGal,

  In reading your words: "I feel and take on responsibilities that aren't mine", what I think you mean (unless I am mistaken) is that the Witness religion tries to get or guilt-trip people to get involved in the problems of users and dysfunctional people, doing favors and what not.

  The JW cult does try to guilt people into helping users and dysfunctional people. I wholeheartedly agree with that sentiment. And I grew up with a mother that did exactly that and made her kids help her. I definitely had to take the time to learn to separate and distance myself from unhealthy people. More than that, I had to learn that it is okay to have firm boundaries between myself and unhealthy or harmful people. And I would be lying if I said I had overcome that. I am still working on that as well. But I also just assume responsibility for people when I shouldn't.
  

  I'll definitely be lurking. I'll chime in when I can and when I want to.

  This was as much a reminder to myself as it was a comment to the forum. I join a forum and assume that I have a hard-bonded responsibility to it. And no one puts that on me. I do that all by myself. So, I'm working on not taking responsibility for things I have no need or business taking responsibility for. It has taken me a long time to realize that, after necessities, I should only have the responsibilities in my life that I want to have.

  @Tallon, Thank you! I appreciate your relaxed vibe.

  @stuckinarut2, Thank you!