1) Posh and Becks are sitting in front of the television watching the
six o'clock news. The main story is a man threatening to jump off the
Clifton Suspension Bridge on to the busy road below. Posh turns to Becks
and says: "David, I bet you 5,000 that he jumps!" to which Beckham
replies "5,000? Done! I bet that he doesn't." So they shake hands on the
bet and continue watching. Sure enough, the man jumps and hits the road
below with a loud thud.
Beckham takes 5,000 out of his back pocket and hands it to Posh. But she
refuses. "I can't take your money, David," she says. "The truth is, I
was cheating. I saw the five o'clock news, so I knew he was going to
jump."
"No, babe, fair's fair" says David. "That money is yours fair and
square. I was cheating just as you were. I saw the five o'clock news,
too. I just didn't think he would do it again."
just before the game, when Roy Keane walks in. "Boss," he says, "there's
a problem. I'm not playing unless I get a cortisone injection."
"Hey," says Becks. "If he's having a new car, so am I."
kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks.
"A Thermos flask," replies the assistant.
"What does it do?" asks Becks.
The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next
training session. "Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly.
"It's a Thermos flask."
The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask.
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David.
"And what have you got in it?" asks Roy Keane.
"Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies Beckham.
mechanic knowing she isn't the brightest Spice Girl in the world,
decides to play a joke on her. "You don't need me to take those dents
out," he says. "Just blow up the exhaust pipe and the metal will pop
back into place".
So she takes the car home and tries it. David spots her from the house
and shouts "You silly cow! You have to wind the windows up!"
Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: "Well, I've done this
jigsaw in only 57 days."
"Is that good?" asks Posh.
"You bet," says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."
riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bucking up and
down out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on but it was
no good. With his foot caught in the stirrup, he fell head-first to the
ground. His head continued to bump on the ground as the horse refused to
stop or even slow down.
Fortunately, however, there was a happy ending. Just as he was giving up
hope and losing consciousness, the Woolworth's manager came along and
unplugged it.
one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to
avoid it but couldn't - the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go
up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.
About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a
cigar in the other and smiling happily.
"What happened?" asked Posh
"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave
me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to
me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh.
The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed
the cow."
Louisiana. Posh wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very
reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After
becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, David shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out
and catch yourself a big one!'
Determined, David and Posh turned and headed for the swamps, set on
catching an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home,
when he spots Beckham standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward him.
He takes aim, kills the creature and, with a great deal of effort hauls
it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead
creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the Becks flips the
alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "F********, this one
isn't wearing any either!'
The Beckinghams........Funny
by Latte 6 Replies latest social humour
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Latte
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Dansk
I take it you're not impressed with Becks and Posh, then?
Doesn't bother me, he plays for Real Madrid (but Searchforthetruth will be sad he can't make any Manchester United skits!).
Dansk
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Englishman
I still wish that he played for Pompey.
Englishman.
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Latte
Dansk,
I am impressed, I just don't know how they can pull it off.....wearing tiaras...thrones...headbands, skirts
I just knew that this thread would be highjacked!! lol
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Hamas
Beckham is going to be look extreemly stupid next season playing alongside real world class players.
Real play a different game, he can't just hover on the outskirts of the box and wait to cross the ball like he did at Manchester Utd. Carlos, Zidane, Ronaldo, Figo and Raul love to take free kicks, so he can't rely on them to get him out of jail either.
I'm predicting a failed season.
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Dansk
Hamas,
You're out of order. You can't have TWO flags!
Dansk
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Princess
There was an article in USA today about those two last week. It was about how they are pretty unknown in the US and are trying to get US publicity. If it weren't for that article, I'd have no idea what the jokes were about. Must not be the brightest couple eh?