i cant the events of the past few weeks. a brief summary for those who don't know. i've been a JW 7 years . started doubting recently. wrote and mailed a DA letter. the elders hould get it tomorrow. Today i called my best friend in the truth. i didn't want her to hear it from gossip. we are in different congegations but news travels fast. By the way i should mention her husband is an elder. My sister friend is a closet alcoholic and lives a double life. Her elder husband knows and hides it. to give you a little history this sister and i last year went to the ice capades. before we got there we went for a few drinks and i got very drunk. Because i had no inhabitions i told her i knew she had a problem. It's very obvious and people in the congrgation (i use to be in this congregation) know. she confided in me about her drinking and said for me not to tell she would rather be dead. in fact she threatened suicide. Being the awful cult member that i was i went to the elders in my congregation and told. i told because i didn't want to be blood guilty and i thought it would get her the help she needed. while with elders other sins popped up. this sister and i had gone dancing at bars without our husbands. anyhow i got disiplined. a mild reproof no auxillery pioneeing and off the school. i talked to her elder husband and he said he was not telling his congregation elders because it was none of their buisness. Fast forward to today. I called my friend and told her i DA myself. I apologized to her for breaking a confidence and why i did. By the way she was drunk on the phone and just got out of jail for having a D.U.I. she told me her hubby won't say anything. I told her i'd understand if she doesn't ever talk to me again. she said she'd call me she won't get disfellowshipped for it. It was very sad. She can't get help and has to hide her problem. I'm so angry at her husband. Disfellowshipping keeps people from getting the help they need!!!!Just wanted to talk and only you out there can understand> Thanks JURS
just needed to share
by jurs 2 Replies latest jw friends
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Prisca
{{{hugs}}}
thanks for sharing.
regarding your friend's drinking problem, is there any way you could have a heart-to-heart with her and help her to find help, at least go to AA meetings with her?
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safe4kids
Hi Jurs....thanks for sharing. I can relate to the pain that you feel. I was a JW for about 30 of my 35 years. Towards the end, I became best friends with an elder's wife who it turned out was an alcoholic. Between me and her hubby, we mentioned to get her some help for awhile but sadly it didn't seem to do too much good-except for the fact that it did help her leave a twisted, sick religion! She was df'd and, last I talked to her, actually quite happy. Anyway, the long and the short of this is that while helping her battle her disease, I discovered that I too was an alkie...I've been sober now for just shy of 5 years....I did NOT receive any help whatsoever from the "brothers" in the congregation with my drinking problem. What you said in your post is so true, disfellowshipping does NOT help people...your friend is ill, not bad. She needs help, not moralizing sermons. Maybe, if you get the opportunity, you can steer her towards AA or therapy. Any good therapist will pick up on the drinking behavior, although, if she was arrested on a DUI charge, she may be forced into therapy, AA, or some other type of treatment. My message to you, dear JURS, is that you have not caused or contributed to your friend's problem and pain...and you can't cure it. It sounds to me like you are in a lot of pain yourself and I urge you to take care of yourself. It sounds like you've taken a gigantic healthy step in that direction by leaving the borg. I know this takes a lot of courage (I'm a DA'er myself!); give yourself a huge pat on the back and a hug from me.
Please hang in there...the ride keeps getting better and better....A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.