First lunch with "dubs" since fading, encouragement 4 all in the 'process'

by Its so simple 9 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Its so simple

  Well some friends, who we have been close with for a long time. Like ourselves they have been hardcore long time servants of Jehovah etc. asked our family to lunch today. They had their daughter in town who we are very good friends with. (she's our age ) I have to admit since we haven't been to a meeting in about 4 months, and its been very spotty, like 1 every two weeks before that, I was leary that it might in fact be an intervention.

  I'm very happy to report that we had a nice lunch and they were as kind as they always had been. I should point out that the parents have always been the type to question things although not very publicly. They never said anything like "is everything OK?" "we haven't seen you in SOOO long". They were just kind and we visited and had a nice lunch. Encourages me that some good friendships may in fact survive the choice that my wife and I are making.

  Minimmus, there is hope for you man. Keep working that woman of yours.
• 

  Shakita

  Good news.

  My husband and I also have contact with witnesses on an almost daily basis because of work and family relationships since fading about over a year ago. My husband will go to an occasional meeting and meet up with some people we have known for a long time for some chit chat.....but so far so good as to them not pursuing us further than that. We are just seen as "weak", and are happy to remain that way.

  Mrs. Shakita
• 

  unique1

  That is AWESOME!! I am so glad to hear that they didn't try to pry or pressure you.

  You think you could introduce those friends to my parents so my parents can learn to do the same thing? WISHFUL THINKING.
• 

  jst2laws

  Good for you Its so simple and Shakita,

  I will suggest that you carefully keep your distance now and watch what you say when in contact with Jdubs. There is a factor of ignorance that is working in your favor, ignorance of your present status. Make sure they keep thinking you are just weak.

  We had a funny thing happen a couple of months ago. We were trying to fade but the local elders got a tip and began investigating. So last September we went on local TV and into the local news paper exposing the WT's pedophile policy, A few weeks later we marched with the Silent Lambs without disquise in front of our old home, Brooklyn Bethel. A few months later we were DF'd for apostasy. So months after of DFing we got a phone call from an old friend at Bethel wishing us well. Even though we thought everyone, especially in Brooklyn Bethel, knew about us he had not heard of our new status. If he knows by now he may be swetting bollets because he is on the board of directors of one of the WT's corporations.

  The point is sometimes what we may view as 'succesful fading' is only old friends who are not aware of our current status. Your fading depends on disappearing without opening your mouth and raising red flags. Good luck.

  Jst2laws
• 

  jws

  Encourages me that some good friendships may in fact survive the choice that my wife and I are making.

  Call me a cynic. To me it sounds like they are trying to butter you up. Take you out, kind of like an intervention, but not so blatantly. I think they are trying to lure you back. They came to remind you of your friends and how much they care for you. This is supposed to make you remember that you can still see them all the time at the kingdom halls. It doesn't have to be stated blatantly.

  And like the last poster said, your real choice is not known to them. If it was, I have my doubts about your friendship.
• 

  Its so simple

  Thanks all, these friends a pretty solid and with the exception of their daughter, a bit on the fringe themselves. So I doubt their being so duplicitous. Nevertheless, I was pleasantly surprised at the lack of obvious 'lines' that would be directed to us by your average self rightous, scripted and programed Dub.
• 

  rocketman

  On occasion, we do read some posts in which folks relate that they can continue some nice, no-strings-attached friendships with jws even though they themselves are no longer active or just a bit active. That's great to see.....too bad it seems to be such a rarity.
• 

  xjw_b12

  Its so simple

  Glad to hear the friendship is still there. However I echo the statement made by jst2laws

  I will suggest that you carefully keep your distance now and watch what you say when in contact with Jdubs. There is a factor of ignorance that is working in your favor, ignorance of your present status. Make sure they keep thinking you are just weak.

  Wife and I managed to do that for 2 years, all the while maintaining a close relationship, with an elder relative and his wife, (from another congregation in the city) even to the point of going on weekend trips with them, all the while our meeting attendance and field service was spotty to non-existant. They as well never questioned our status, or lack of it during that time, (though we knew, they knew our "weakness") and I admired it at the time, because we were not considered stalwart jws.

  All of that changed suddenly, after attending my jw uncles funeral in the neighbouring congregation KH. We were asked to stay afterwards for "milk and cookies" by an elder in that congregation. Well it seems that too many in the KH were too overjoyed to see us, and the elders in both congregations got together, and shortly thereafter, they "attempted" JC proceedings. That was the end of that much cherished friendship.

  So I encourage you to be cautious. Maybe if you play your cards right, your outcome will be much more satisfactory than ours

  Regards David
• 

  ashitaka

  itssosimple,

  I'm glad you're finding it easy right now, but don't get your hopes up too high.

  About two years after I completed my fade, an old friend called on me. He was, at one time, my best friend.

  We had a dinner, in which we could tell he was really, really uncomfortable. We talked of how happy we were, and how good things were going for us.

  Finally, after dinner, we went back to my place and my wife went to get some snacks at the store. While we were drinking a couple of brews, he whips out a mini-bible he had stashed in his pocket, and said, "Do you still believe in the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses?"

  If you don't know, this is a question they ask on Judicial Committees. He was trying to get info so he could report it to the elders, to see if a Judicial Committee should be formed for my DF'ing. (I'm still just 'inactive')

  Of course, I deflected his comments well and completely turned the tables on him, but the betrayal on his part was complete. The elders will stop at nothing to find you out, if they want to get rid of you. They'll even use your best friends.

  ash
• 

  Shakita

  I think the fading thing is going ok for us right now because my fade was a gradual thing during a period of a few years (I was not always a very cooperative dub).....and even though my husband's was more of a quick fade, he did not hold any position of authority in the congregation so his absence was not questioned immediately. We have been visited at our home on about 4 different occasions by "concerned" brothers, but did not open our door to them because we knew that once they were in our home it would be hard to keep our mouths shut and we would be put on the defensive. That is something I refuse to accept. We have had contact with elders we have known for many years, people who we consider long time friends, but we know to keep the discussion on our terms and try to avoid trigger questions and discussions which would make trouble for our family members still in. That is our only concern. We will not let the organization manipulate us to hurt any hope that we have of getting our remaining family members out of the WT.

  If it ever comes down to a JC meeting, we have already decided that we will ignore any invitations that come our way. They will have to make a decision regarding our standing within the congregation without our help. If they decide to DF us in absentia, then we will deal with that when it comes. We have spoken with our family members still in and they told us that they would never shun us regardless of what happens in the future. I hope that this still holds true through all the crap that they will have to endure if, or when, we are pursued by "our friends".

  I will be on the watch for "the milk and cookies"....

  Mrs. Shakita