Thank you Watchtower Society.
Thank you for converting my parents into Jehovah's witnesses. I really was getting bored with Christmas and Birthdays and the 5 meetings every week were so much more fun than boring old children's parties.
Thank you for getting me out knocking on doors solo at age 10. Much better than kicking a football around. It was a pleasure to see the astonished looks on my school mates faces when I knocked on their doors, especially on Christmas day. Being brought up as a social outcast is something everyone should try. Seeing my Dad leave off being the fun-loving party man and turn into a hyper-critical Bible puncher more than made up for the times when I would watch him making model boats and planes.
Thank you for encouraging my parents to move where the "need is great". That big old warm house near London Airport couldn't compare with living in a caravan in the depths of darkest Yeovil in the coldest winter on record. We really soaked up the blessings when we met up with the bunch of territorial prudes that made up the local congregation.
Thank you for finishing my education at age 15. With armageddon only 10 years away at most, what was the point of learning anything except for reading the Bible and the Societies publications. OK, so I'm now 71 years old with a minimal state pension, but, hey, who needs materialistic things when Everlasting Life is just around the corner!
Thank you for disfellowshipping me for refusing to shun my best friend. That really taught me something about Jehovahs witnesses. Every time my Mother shunned me in the street I thought ah, this is really going to bring me to my senses.
Thank you for the guilt, the sense of isolation, the didacticism of the elders, the boredom of the meetings and the futility of going from door to door.
And most of all thank you for the loss of my family.
Thank you thank you thank you.
And finally..thank you to ME for having the balls to get out of that awful cult, marry a good woman and bring up a family free from guilt and manipulation!