what do i say? what do i do?

by nowisee 3 Replies latest social humour

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  nowisee

  tonight i had dinner with my husband's godfather and wife (catholic). she tells me that her son's live-in parter's daughter is 5 months pregnant, is in the hospital with kidney and bladder infections for which the doctors want to give blood transfusions. the most shocking (am i still naive?) part of the story is that this young (just turned l8) lady's boyfriend and father- to- be is a jw. the father (jw) of this young man is pressuring for marriage, the young lady does not want to get married (at least not yet) but does not have the wherewithal to support a baby.

  the catholic family wants to help but is completely clueless as to what this means for the young man (his father pressuring for parental rights and duties and marriage with which the son has agreed). the family is threatened with being torn completely apart at any second. do i stay out of it? or what if anything would you advise me to do?
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  Inquiry

  Hi Nowisee....wow, what a dilemma! ...

  I just want to tell you, throught personal experience that if you do get involved.. expect repurcussions from it... I'm not telling you though not to get involved... even if people don't appreciate it, you have to live with yourself... As advice only, I would try to inform the catholic side of the family that they are dealing with witnesses.... and help them to understand what that means...

  IMO The relationship between the young lady and her fella is outta bounds... it seems like there is already a problem there and it would be better if the immediate family dealt with it rather than you... trust me on this one... it can be real bad for you.... if you become the focus of the situation, you will become a target too for their frustrations...

  Also as opinion only... It's very unlikely that you will change anything in that situation, but you may be able to soothe your own conscience by acting. (every action has a consequence though, and it's not to be taken lightly) If you proceed, you have to be willing to accept that... or else you will probably end up, quite disappointed.

  I hope this helps and best wishes, whatever you choose.

  Inq

  edited for formatting
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  nowisee

  inquiry, thank you so much.

  my sense was that there was really not much i could do, except educate -- . i did tell my god-parents-in-law what i believed to be the jw viewpoint of the situation, and i provided this website and freeminds.org should the young man desire to further avail himself of other opinions and views. i offered my availability to the 2 young prospective parents...

  i met the young man in question at a family gathering at christmastime 2002. i was so impressed with him, thought he handled himself so well, and that he was totally nice and respectful.... this just breaks my heart. he seems to think that he can persuade the young prospective mother to become jw but she is not having anything to do with it.... amazingly the catholic family has strongly advised her against marrying this young man because he is jw.....

  never thought i would say it but i think they are right....
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  Inquiry

  Your very welcome Nowisee...

  I agree, it is heartbreaking... the thin edge of the wedge is already quite firmly in place for the young couple... and that is very sad... for them and those that care about them.... and for their yet unborn child....I've seen this happen myself... and against the best and most sincere advice from several parties, they continued... now, she is miserable and quite abused... she now has 4 children... just turned 20... two sets of twins no less... and he is frequently out of work, he's demanding and takes no offense to belittling or even hitting her... she though, very plainly loves him and is waiting for him to change... it's really very sad...

  On the up side... these two.. .against the odds, may be able to work it out.. that won't be easy... and it's rare... but it's not impossible...

  Take very good care..

  Inq