I really hate what religion has done to my head, namely just one religion.

by Tameria2001 3 Replies latest jw friends

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  Tameria2001

  Back in 1974 my mom fell for the lies of the JWs, and became a member, dragging me along for the ride. I was only around four years old. That lie she fell for was that in the fall of 1975 she would be reunited with my older sister. My sister had died in May 1973, and she was only five years old. She had a cousin who used this lie to lure my mother into that cult. Before that my mother couldn't stand them, and always had a few colorful words to describe them.

  So I spent the next years (from 1974 to my dissociation in 2001) they had plenty of time to do their worst. For a while I too fell for their lies as well, got baptized in 1987. So now I'm sitting here always in conflict on different things. Oh I'm never going back, that's a promise. But there are times it's like I'm fighting what was ingrained into my head all those years. Part of me wants to move on, and there are other parts of my head, it like no you can't do that, it's wrong. I would love to break free from the constant conflict, I just can't figure out how. It's been 15 years since I officially left them. Any suggestion on how to break free from these religious chains that just seem to keep attached.
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  iwasblind

  Hi Tameria,

  Knowledge helps. For me it was knowledge on what the scripture "really" teaches, for others they go down the scientific route. Even when you understand "Grace" and other teachings, the same old guilt emotions and other fear grapple you from time to time, but I find it gets less and less because I am able to tell my brain it is not real.

  Also I can I recommend this book - Exiting the JW Cult - written by a former jw turned psychologist.

  Hope that helps - it is a constant journey and my prayers go out to you.
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  Xanthippe

  The brain works along well trodden paths through habit, Tameria. If you keep breaking through the barriers eventually your brain will be okay with it and just say oh right so this is what I do now.

  
  The emotion that keeps coming up saying no this is wrong actually takes about 60 seconds to pass through your body. If you let it wash over you and then do it anyway you will make new habits in you brain. I know it feels horrible but you can cope for one minute, ride that wave. All the best.
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  ballistic

  Hi Tameria, Back in 1974 my mom fell for the lies of the JWs, and became a member, dragging me along for the ride. I was only around four years old. < this me too, same dates everything.

  I think there was a lot of adrenaline in the pioneers back then, a big drive for 1975, and we must have been around the same age and our mothers were sucked into it. I left around 1993/1994.

  The only advice I can give to you is; the person you are is in a state of flux. It isn't the same person you were last year or even yesterday so don't cling to it. If you get stuck with any ideas or beliefs of yester-year, that's only because you allow yourself to. You are really free, and I don't mean from the witnesses. You are a free spirit anyway you look at it as we all are. All the best!