Good morning all,
This is just a rambling post. At the meeting yesterday during the WT study, I started flipping through the magazine to try to pass the time. I only study one lesson a week (I can only handle so much rubbish at one sitting) so I was surprised when a certain word caught my eye... "Loyalty"
I think, "isn't 'loyalty' the theme of the convention this year? Oh boy, they're doing a little pre-brainwashing to get everyone prepped for the giant 3 day brainwashing session in a few months - this outta be good!"
So I start reading (btw it's "Learn From Jehovahs Loyal Servants" in the 02/16 WT study edition) and my heart dropped when I get to paragraph 7...
7 A conflict of loyalties may arise when a close relative is disfellowshipped. For example, a sister named Anne[1] received a telephone call from her disfellowshipped mother. The mother wanted to visit Anne because she felt pained by her isolation from the family. Anne was deeply distressed by the plea and promised to reply by letter. Before writing, she reviewed Bible principles. (1 Cor. 5:11; 2 John 9-11) Anne wrote and kindly reminded her mother that she had cut herself off from the family by her wrongdoing and unrepentant attitude. “The only way you can relieve your pain is by returning to Jehovah,” Anne wrote
The rest of the meeting was spent trying to keep my anxiety under control. I knew about the "shunning" talk at the convention coming up but I've been able to keep it out of my mind and even hope that maybe I'll be reinstated by then. I'm just so, so upset and worried that this "loving reminder" will readjust my parents thinking.
Currently, since I'm "coming back", they talk to me freely and hang out with me whenever I tell them I'll be in their area. I hope that this WT doesn't make them recant. My mom told me as soon as I told her that I was getting DFed that she would always pick up the phone for me, because I'm her daughter. But having that social contact these past few months has been making all the difference in keeping on vs feeling suicidal.
I keep telling myself that if they didn't want the social contact, they wouldn't have it...they've been JWs long enough to know what's "expected" of them, they've seen quotes like these before, what is one more WT article going to do? But you never know..
Sorry for the long, rambling post. Sometimes it just feels really good to get my thoughts written out, especially to an audience that understands. Have a good day everyone!