My friend Rich leaves an uncalled for message on my answering machine

by RULES & REGULATIONS 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • RULES & REGULATIONS
    RULES & REGULATIONS

    I have a friend named Rich who I have known for over 40 years. He was my brother's best friend for 35 years until 5 years ago. They had a falling out and neither of them will tell me why they do not speak to each other. That's their problem!

    Since the fallout with my brother, Rich calls me more often and thinks that our friendship should be just the same as my brother had with him. We have less in common than he had with my brother. My family and business keep me busy. My brother is single and had more time to spend with Rich.

    About five years ago he was diagnosed with a disease called Multiple System Atrophy. It is a nerve disorder where his brain is not firing nerves throughout his body. He walks and talks slower, loses his balance, and eventually all his nerves will stop functioning. It is a horrible condition. My brother doesn't know about Rich's medical condition. I'll tell him when Rich wants him to know.

    I take all of Rich's phone calls, take him out to lunch as often as possible, drive him to Doctor appointments, and help him with any work he needs around his house. He calls me almost every day and it is just a bit much for me to call him back and talk to him daily. He even calls at times he knows that I am working.

    A couple of days ago he leaves a message on my answering machine, " I'm taking this personally. You and your wife do not care for me. I call and you don't pick up the phone. I seem to care more for you than you care for me.''

    I had my wife text him this message...''Rich, the message you left was upsetting. You have a serious problem. My husband calls you as much as possible, takes you out for lunch, and drives you to some of your Doctor appointments. He doesn't need you leaving messages about how you care about him and how little he cares about you. Please, do not call for a while. My husband will call you as soon as calms down.''

    I'm not calling Rich for a long time, or not at all! What would you do in this situation?

  • WingCommander
    WingCommander

    "Rich" needs to go lean on his "fine loving Shepherds", the Elduhzzzzz. After all, THEY are his "Spiritual Family", and also "Jehovah provides!!!!"

    JW's: Biggest moochers and guilt trippers on planet earth. How ungrateful and toxic can one person be? JW's!

  • LongHairGal
    LongHairGal

    RULES & REGULATIONS:

    I don’t blame you for being angry and wanting to back off. You were running around doing all this for him - and yet that’s not enough? He expects you to be on call 24/7.

    This so-called friendship sounds like a trap. I’m sorry about his situation but if it were me I would make myself unavailable. I’m not interested in a job as a nursemaid.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    maybe thats why your bro fell out with him.

  • Diogenesister
    Diogenesister

    Please don’t take it personally Rules. You have a full and busy life. A beautiful life. Rich is empty. He’s dying and he knows it. No family of his own, few friends (I imagine) and, to be frank, he’s needy and he’s becoming bitter. Basically he’s acting like he’s in a co dependent relationship with you. Except you don’t seem to be co dependent with him!!!!! Good! Now I think it’s about time your brother knew about his friends condition. Too bad if he doesn’t want your brother to know. He shouldn’t have told you if he didn’t want him to know!!! He’s playing a mean game whereby he’s hoping your brother will find out when It’s too late and be wracked with guilt.

    All this makes him sound like a royal pain in the ass, right? But he must have been fun once upon a time, yes? I really think you should wait a bit, calm down and if and when he apologizes to you accept the apology and make it a condition that he tells your brother, tries to make up with him and starts to take a long hard look at himself and where he’s going. Maybe get therapy? Get some professional care so he doesn’t have to rely on one person....otherwise he’ll die alone, and he doesn’t really want that.

    I think he’s very, very frightened Rules. He’s pushing everyone away. I’ve seen it before and it’s very sad.

    PS you’re a good man😉

  • RULES & REGULATIONS
    RULES & REGULATIONS

    Diogenesister3 minutes ago

    Rich is empty. He’s dying and he knows it..... He's terminal and probably has less than 2 years. Most M.S.A. patients live less than 8 years from the onset of the condition.

    No family, few friends (I imagine) and, to be frank, he’s needy and he’s becoming bitter. ...Sadly, he is married but they hate each other. She refuses to take him for Doctor visits. He calls me to drive him for his appointments.

    Basically he’s acting like he’s in a co dependent relationship with you... He needs his wife as his co-dependent and not me.

    Except you don’t seem to be co dependent with him!!!!! Good!... I will help him but that's why he has a wife.

    Now I think it’s about time your brother knew about his friends condition... My brother was his slave for him all his life. Whatever the fight is about, I'm sure my brother didn't start it.

    Too bad if he doesn’t want your brother to know. He shouldn’t have told you if he didn’t want him to know!!! He’s playing a mean game whereby he’s hoping your brother will find out when It’s too late and be wracked with guilt... Rich asked me months ago if it was alright if he called my brother. My brother refused his phone call.

    All this makes him sound like a royal pain in the ass, right? But he must have been fun once upon a time, yes? ....He's overbearing and has an A-type personality.

    I really think you should wait a bit, calm down and if and when he apologizes to you accept the apology and make it a condition that he tells your brother, tries to make up with him and starts to take a long hard look at himself and where he’s going... He's asking too much from me. I do enough for him.

    Maybe get therapy? Get some professional care so he doesn’t have to rely on one person....otherwise he’ll die alone, and he doesn’t really want that... He's on the outs with his older brother and his twin brother. All 3 brothers haven't spoken to each other since their father passed away 15 years ago due to inheritance money.

    3 minutes ago


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