I see people struggling with maintaining control over their reactions to their Witness relatives and something struck me that I'd like to share. As a JW you're taught that you should have unlimited self-control. Article after article, talk after talk, about controlling your impure thoughts, feelings, music, movies, speech, actions, literally everything a human could struggle with. I once had a talk with a brother about this very thing. If we could control all of these things then what's the point of Jesus' death, as we could potentially reach perfection ourselves.
So, when you're struggling to deal with your relatives, realize that self-control is finite and we don't get to pick and choose our weaknesses. Also realize that some things that are viewed as healthy and necessary can be toxic to you and not someone else. It is generally accepted that family is necessary, particularly a relationship with your parents. So many people fade so as to keep family bonds. But some families are toxic. Peanuts are a little thing, generally accepted as healthy and enjoyed by many, unless of course you're allergic to them in which case they could kill you.
So check your fade and see if it is just keeping something toxic in your life. You can look at the affect that being around those people has on you. Are you wasting time and emotional energy on vampires that are sucking you dry, like eating peanuts and thinking you won't be allergic this time because you were brought up to think you could control everything? Or is it maybe the case that the problem isn't you so it isn't yours to control? Those people could be toxic to you because, well, they are toxic. You can't fix that.
I just wanted to post this to let some of you off the hook. You can't control everything, externally (your family) or internally (your reactions to them). The old adage that the only thing you can control is your reaction to something is crap. Tell that to those allergic to peanuts. Do your best but don't be afraid to admit that something, or someone, is simply toxic and harmful to you and take care of yourself first. When the plane goes down you put the mask on yourself first, not someone else. You can't help anyone from a weak and sick position because you're sticking out a fade to somehow make toxic people to you something healthy. There's a time to walk away and admit that you're simply allergic to them.