Eight years ago, I lived in a kind of "Retirement" hotel.
The PALM HOUSE.
No - it wasn't an old folks home. It was an ancient folks home.
Mostly senior ladies living off of faith and a dead husband's money.
My encounter with JESUS came about in that environment.
Once a week there would be a coffee and doughnuts get-together to get to know your neighbors.
Well . . .I got invited repeatedly, badgered, coaxed, pestered and I gave up.
"Just once!" I told myself.
I went to one and made excuses each week after that until once again compelled to attended yet again.
Walking in with an enlarged fake smile I greeted the crowd.
One white-haired deary said to me, "I thought you were the one who died."
I assured her I was not.
As far as I could tell, there were only two (count em') TWO guys still alive and I was
(presumably) one of them.
But then, one day another fellow moved in who had retired with plenty of money (apparently). The gossip among the ladies emphasized his friendly 'generosity.'
Those ladies just adored him. ($$)
Well, one Sunday at the coffee thingy, I say hello to the new guy and he says to me all excitedly, "Have you seen Frankie's clock?"
I thought that sounded like a straight line if ever I had heard one.
"You did say: CLOCK, right?"
"What'd you think I said?"
I told him I didn't think a woman with a clock was quite newsworthy enough to warrant his enthusiasm, so I . . . well, never mind!
(His name was Stan, by the way.)
Stan didn't miss a beat.
"Oh come one, come on--you gotta go with me--Frankie would be happy for you to see her big clock. You've never seen anything like it."
The other folks were listening to Stan and they suddenly jumped in all at once.
"Oh, that's right! YOU CAN SEE THE FACE OF JESUS in the wood grain!"
I laughed.
Shouldn't have.
Stern faces of the others told me not to scoff. There were more of them than me, so . . .
Cut to the chase.
_______________________
I end up, along with all the others, standing in Frankie's room.
We formed a semi-circle around a replica Grandfather's clock.
We probably look a bit like those ape-like hominids at the beginning of Kubrick's 2001 A Space Odyssey.
***
One by one the lady hominids lurched forward and touched the sacred "face" of phantom Jesus, "oohing and ahhing" and the others were purring like shaggy kittens with blue permed fur.
"You see it?"
"You do SEE it...right?"
"Do YOU SEE it?"
Each one of them was cocking their head this way and that like a puppy in a pet shop window.
"Isn't it amazing?"
I stared. I blinked. I squinted. I got closer, then farther away.
My internal dialogue went like this, " ARE YOU NUTS?"
_______________
A few minutes passed and tempers were getting short with me.
Some were making excuses for me, while others were suggesting I was Atheist.
"Tell us what you think!" (It was a command.)
_____________________
"I have to tell you, I was really filled with doubt about your sanity - but now - I can say confidently - I NO LONGER DOUBT!"
For some strange reason - this was taken as an affirmation.
(Don't judge me too harshly.)
I went with it. That's on them (Heh heh heh).
_____________
One by one the congregants drifted out and into the hallway all aglow and deeply spiritually satisfied.
It was just Stan and Terry left, alone.
Frankie had sauntered off to go back to the coffee and doughnut soiree' in the recreation room.
Stan turned to me and said, "I was hoping you couldn't."
"Couldn't what?"
"Couldn't see it--I can't see a damn thing!"
"WHAT? I can't see anything but rather ugly wood-grain. There is not a trace of the Lord Jesus - unless he looked like a knothole!"
Stan gave me one of those inscrutable looks for a second and shrugged his shoulders.
"I wish you had said something. They browbeat me for a solid hour yesterday until I gave in!"
I smiled.
"You never know -Maybe, this is exactly how Christianity spread in the first place!"
________
