Never having been a JW...I really wish I could understand this better. Shortly after my dad died, mom starts her "bible study" with the nice ladies from the hall. Fastforward a couple of years...she's now a baptised JW...and a TOTALLY different person. She's a freakin nut. She grew up speaking ENGLISH, although my grandma can speak spanish. Well...I NEVER heard Spanish spoken in the home, EVER. I know about enough to get by at Taco Bell, if you know what I mean. Well, I guess she wants to explore her "roots" or some such bs and has taken to speaking spanish...and attending a spanish congregation. My mom is 70 years old and now has a couple of "young brothers" (23-24 years old) borrowing MONEY, borrowing her CAR (screwed up the tranny) etc. My husband is done repairing her car so "brother" so-in-so can fk it up. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but most of these guys are illegals, and what recourse would she have if they totally ripped her off? She blindly TRUSTS them, simply because they are JWs. My husband tried to tell her that the big dent in the tranny pan just didn't "happen" but she got REAL pissy, afterall, the "brothers" are SO responsible that they'd NEVER do anything like beat on her car. Last time she dropped over for a visit, she picks up the phone and started speaking in spanish (yes the brothers can understand English) I thought it was rude, but not as rude as dropping by with one of them in tow...she's pulled that too. It is bad enough that she has all but alienated herself with her nutty religion, but the language thing is really driving a big wedge between us as well. I can honestly say, I don't know her anymore. I'm not sure if I'm angrier or sadder about the whole thing. It's frustrating...where's my mom?
Mom's completely mental...
by KistByQpid 9 Replies latest jw friends
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talesin
(((KistByQpid)))
here, I'll say it for you
ARRRGGGGHHHHHH!
there is no logic to this. And not having been a JW, it's got to be even harder for you to understand her blind trust. Anger & sadness sounds about right.
I just tell myself, 'my parents are adults, they have the right to make their own choices'. You're not alone in these feelings. I'm sorry you have to go through this.
talesin
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Gopher
KBQ,
I was raised a JW, and am no longer in it myself. But they have taken my parents away too.
I can honestly say, I don't know her anymore.
I can relate! My parents don't really know me any more, and for the life of me I cannot understand them. The WT Society has taken their whole life and diverted it into a whole different channel.
The congregation is her "family" now. That's what they're taught at the Kingdom Hall. They are taught that the people there are their real brothers, sisters, parents, and children. That makes any relationship with non-JW relatives tenuous at best.
But I guess you already know that now.
I don't know what comfort to give you over losing your mom to the cultishness of this whole JW thing. Since she joined the group in recent years, there is the possibility that she might come to see through the phoniness of the whole thing and go back to what she was before. It depends on how deeply she buys into the fear tactics they use.
You aren't alone in this situation. It can be adjusted to, as sometimes there is no other choice.
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pinoy
Why not talk to her and make her explain the motives behind her actions, instead of dismissing her as a "freaking nut".
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Mary
Shortly after my dad died, mom starts her "bible study" with the nice ladies from the hall....she's now a baptised JW...and a TOTALLY different person. She's a freakin nut.
This is not that uncommon, especially with women who have lost their mates either through death or divorce. What happens, is that because they are EXTREMELY lonely (perhaps this is the first time in their lives that they've ever been on their own), they start studying gung-ho and become fanatical. Essentially, they are allowing Jehovah to take the place of the male they lost. That's why everything they do, is to please Jehovah because that way, they don't feel like they're all alone, that's there's still a male figure there that they can lean on. And everyone connected with Jehovah becomes part of the "family" and gives them a better feeling of security. And believe me, others at the Hall will pick up on that pretty quick and some will take full advantage of her.
I've seen it before with elderly widows: their middle aged kids come around to get money off them, and although they don't come right out and say it, the elderly person knows that if they don't give them money, that the visits will stop.
It's a very sad situation, but your mother, from the sounds of it, blindly trusts these people and nothing you can say or do will probably make her think otherwise. She doesn't want to "lose" Jehovah and be on her own again, so she'll turn a blind eye as to what these people are really like.
If it gets worse, you may want to get some legal advice. Surely there are some sort of laws protecting widows from sharks like these guys.
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unique1
I agree with Mary. The hall is a place where newbies feel welcome. They feel special and are surrounded by people. Lonely people and loners are usually drawn to the congregation for these very reasons.
Loophole: JW's never teach anything about saying No being wrong. Tell your mother it is OK for her to say no. She has been extremely lenient and we are sure the brothers appreciate her kindness, but the car just can't take having that many miles put on it right now, so I think you are going to have to tell them no for a while. I am sure some other kind brother or sister will let them use their car for a bit.
Be gentle and try to suggest things in a way that make her feel like she has done what god has asked and she needs to go no further. This kind of reasoning is the only thing that works on those completely taken in by the Borg.
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LDH
Perhaps they are the objects of her sexual fantasies? Not kidding here.
Lisa
Me Voy Class
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happyout
Please keep in mind, elderly people are often taken advantage of, even outside of their religions. Because their mental faculties aren't as sharp, and because they are more susceptible to "sweet talk" from others, they aren't able to keep their guard up. IMHO, you should immediately seek legal assistance. If they are already borrowing her car, there is no telling what else they are asking for. She could be signing legal documents that are not in her best interest.
Good luck to you.
Happyout
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Nosferatu
and now has a couple of "young brothers" (23-24 years old) borrowing MONEY, borrowing her CAR
JWs are taught at the meetings that THEY are the most loving-kind, peaceful and honest people in the whole wide world. Unfortunately, many people buy into this while others find this as a hole in the system to take advantage of others.
I know it's damn difficult to look at a parent you *used* to know, and it's definately going to take quite a bit of time and venting to get used to something like that.
The only advice I can give is try and adapt to the change while trying to make your mother see the light. Sorry you have to go through with this.
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Odrade
About the spanish congregation thing: English speakers changing to a Spanish hall is a BIG DEAL. You get major JW points for going to Spanish to "help out." It's like some missionary thing where you never have to leave your hometown. They probably started "encouraging" her to go to the Spanish congregation the minute they found out she speaks spanish. You're right too about the legalities of the people taking advantage. Some members are illegal immigrants. Depending on the area, many are illegal. (I know this from personal experience.) If there were ever an occasion where anything had to be taken up legally, there would not only be technical difficulties because of immigration status, but your mother would be strongly discouraged by the congregation elders (more so than normally) from pursuing legal recourse.
You are wise to keep an eye on the situation.
Odrade