How to Tell When Someone Is Evangelizing to You Versus Trying to Be a Genuine Friend

by jacobm 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  jacobm

  Hello everyone,

  I've had this question on my mind for the last two years. First off, I'm still a follower of Jesus. Second, I don't go to church but rather a topical Skype Bible study with some fellow ex-JWs. I will likely never attend any church again, even once.

  Third, I feel super suspicious of certain church going evangelicals that I meet here in Austin, TX. Particularly, there is a Baptist mega-church here that is big on evangelism and has tons of families who attend their services regularly. It is kind of a hip, young church. The Church is 5 point Calvanist, has multiple "campuses", gives membership classes, and has anyone in an official full member capacity sign a statement of faith (excuse me while I throw up). Don't worry, I will never attend there!

  My wife will sometimes meetup with a moms, who will bring their husband and kids. I'm there as well, and usually the topic of what they do for work comes up. The most uncomfortable times come when they identify themselves as a Pastor or "Church-planter" (she doesn't only meetup with church-goers). These kind of remind me of, go figure, JW Elders a bit. They usually ask if I go to a church. When I respond no, I find they get that same expression I used to when getting a good return visit. They don't push as much as JWs do, but they offer to hear my "story" sometime.

  Other evangelicals I meet, who are not in leadership positions, find my ex-JW background very interesting. And, they will usually ask me what church I go to. I say none and then the rest of the time wonder if they are only spending time with me because they want to get me into Church, same as with the Pastors/Church planters.

  Am I being too paranoid? I find myself believing that almost everyone has "an angle" these days, with exception to a couple EX-JWs that I know personally. I have always been a bit paranoid...its probably a result of where I grew up & being a JW.

  Thanks!

  P.S. - Karma can really bite ya, right? Here I love bombed people for all those years and now I have to struggle with paranoia for the same reason! I deserve it!
• 

  Simon

  Tell them you worship Satan. See if they still want to be your friend.

  I think any evangelical group will always be trying to recruit you even if they don't know it themselves. It's the underlying goal of their group to recruit and to grow in order to survive.

  I prefer to have real friends. I don't think many religious people know what that really means. They are brought up on a diet of constant judgement.
• 

  cofty

  Am I being too paranoid?

  No.

  All evangelicals believe that if you don't see the world the way you do then you will spend eternity writhing in unimaginable agony in the fires of hell every second of every day for all eternity.

  That kind of colours their relationships.

  Christians drop ex-members just like JWs do. They are just more subtle about it.

  Religion spoils everything.
  
• 

  jacobm

  @simon

  I lol'd. It goes both ways. I have an acquaintance who is a bit of an militant atheist (Dawkins words). He pretty much told me, once we had a few discussions about belief/non-belief in God, that believers like me make the world a dangerous place for his children.

  @cofty: I don't know about "all evangelicals". It is definitely a doctrine "on the church's books" but check this out:

  Only 59% of Americans believe in hell, compared with 74% who believe in heaven, according to the recent surveys from the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life. (http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/religion/2009-08-01-hell-damnation_N.htm)
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  OutsiderLookingIn

  It's not quite paranoia as much as caution. I've never been a dub. I don't particularly go for some mega churches. You can't possibly know 10,000 members. The house churches of Acts were much more of a community.

  That said, I don't think everyone who invites you to church is being disingenuous about wanting to be your friend. I invite friends or family to my church who show an interest, have mentioned they're looking for a church, or if we're having a special event. It's an open invitation and they're welcome anytime. I don't do this to gain membership for my church but because I attend there (I've picked it from among weeds and can give some sort of personal recommendation). It's not perfect because we're all imperfect but it's doctrinally sound and we're all striving to be more like Christ. I simply don't know that about other churches.

  If I extend an invitation and they don't come, I don't stop talking to them. That's a HUGE difference from JWs. My churchgoing friends are the same. I'll give an example.

  -When I moved, I was looking for a new church. I visited many I heard about and one on the invitation of a friend. I went once and it wasn't my scene for whatever reason. We're still friends. I'm going to her son's birthday next month.

  -I made friends with someone who goes to another church. She invited me but I haven't gone because I feel I'm at my church for a purpose. There are no hard feelings. I'm seeing her tonight in fact. It's not about competition in my mind. I'm glad worship is going on in other parts of the city.

  Visit churches as you feel comfortable and take your time. They're not all the same. And there's nothing wrong with just continuing your Bible study in a small group. Church should grow you as a Christian. You don't need a building for that.
• 

  FayeDunaway

  Mega churches give me an icky feeling too. Probably because they remind me too much of a district convention. I would never go to one (I do belong to a church with about 300 members tho and love it). I invite people to church whenever it seems natural. It doesn't make a difference to me if they come or not.I treat them the same. I have as many atheist or agnostic, buddhist or muslim friends as Christian friends.

  Maybe you are a bit paranoid cuz of your life experience. But there might be something behind it, especially if these same people kind of ignore you after you reject going to their church. Mega churches seem kind of both culty and impersonal at the same time. There's nothing whatsoever desirable about that for me.
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  baker

  In the 60,s I remember some finatical schoolmates that would wear their bible on their chest and there was a term for them back then called "Jesus Freaks". If they saw you, they would love bomb you to go to their church and were so obnoxious , that if I saw one at school, I would turn the other way, kinda like not answering the door when JW,s knock. They never learned to be discrete, so I'm sure they drove more people away, than they got to go...