legal question

by og 4 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  og

  So, after trying to make a religiously split household work for more than three years, I'm divorcing my wife. And, she has apparently decided that since I'm obviously demonized and since her preaching work is God's will, anything goes in the settlement, including going after money my parents put into our home, which she knows was intended as a protection of their income.

  And... since she pioneered for our entire marriage, and never worked 'secularly' she is going for indefinite maintenance (alimony). So, here's my question: does anyone have an opinion about whether or not it's a good idea to try and establish that she spent far more time doing ministry than she spent on domestic support and child care? And, if it is a good idea, does anyone have any thoughts on subpoenaing the local hall for her publisher records to establish just how much time she spent on ministry?

  Any help is appreciated. Prayers and positive visualizations also appreciated.

  Cheers, og.
• 

  La Capra

  That issue is for later on. ANd yes, it is probably a good one if you are going for limiting the support she receives. BUT the first thing you absolutely must do is get a list of the 7 "best" cut throat attorneys in your area and pay for a consultation with each of them. This knocks them out of the running to represent her on conflict of interest. You deserve a leg up. Go out and get it. It will be a grand well spent to know her lawyer isn't as good as yours. HURRY. Shoshana
• 

  og

  Shoshana, your advice is excellent... but too late. I've already wasted several months trying to be a nice guy, not believing she could be so completely evil about things, and listening to a lousy lawyer. My bad.
• 

  AlanF

  Og, Shoshanna is right. I know from experience (I had somewhat the same experience as you beginning about nine years ago) that these f**king JW women will f**k you over as far as they possibly can. They want every penny they can squeeze out of you and then some.

  Get the meanest junkyard dog lawyer you can possibly find. Dig up all the dirt on your wife you can find. Go for the throat. Show no mercy, because you'll be shown none.

  The pioneering bit is particularly nasty, and may cause you all sorts of problems in the financial department. Your only hope is to show that she refused to work because she preferred to work at her religion. You probably won't get off without a big alimony, but you can probably get it reduced significantly if you fight.

  A lot of what happens depends on the state you're in. In some states a man in a divorce situation has almost no rights -- in practice. The law in some states allows judges great freedom to decide what is fair, and what's fair to one judge is not to another. The state's culture in so-called "family practice" determines how the laws (which always purport to be fair) are actually interpreted in practice. That's why you need a really nasty lawyer who is aggressively working for you.

  A lot also depends on your age, the age of your wife, whether you have kids, and their ages.

  Don't make the mistake I did and get a female lawyer. Nothing against female lawyers, but I discovered that the one I got the first time around actually gave me advice that hurt me down the road in many ways. For example, she arranged with my wife's lawyer that I should move out of the house voluntarily and find an apartment, since that was what a court would decide anyway. But it turned out some months later that that was horrible advice, because by supposedly voluntarily moving out of the house, I lost a lot of rights because I 'abandoned' the home. That cost me dearly in financial terms, but especially in terms of being able to argue for child custody. Lesson: don't move out of your own house without a court order, and don't do anything you don't want to without a court order! Again, a comptetent and very agressive attorney is a must.

  If you want to discuss this privately, email me at [email protected] .

  AlanF
• 

  NeonMadman

  Here's what I posted not long ago in a similar thread:

  I was in the same position a few years ago as you are now, except it was my wife who filed the divorce (She got the OK from the elders based upon her own adultery). Here are a few tips I wish someone had told me:
  

  • If you have mutual credit cards, either cancel them or have her name taken off as an authorized user. I didn't, and my ex charged up $12,500 that I had to pay back.
  • If you have a joint bank account, remove whatever funds you don't want her to have and put them into an account in your name only. I didn't, and she cleaned out the account except for a small amount she left so that I could pay the mortgage (so her interest in the house wouldn't be threatened).
  • Catalog your possessions, especially family heirlooms that may have some cash value. My ex grabbed everything she could going out the door, including gold that was given to me by my grandmother, and a lot of things that had belonged to my mother, who died when I was born. My ex, of course, was only interested in the cash value, but these things had more value to me than money. There was so much going on during the divorce, that I never realized a lot of these things were gone until it was all over.
  • Talk to a lawyer immediately!!

  If you think she is too good of a person to do sleazy things like my ex did, think again and take the precautions anyway. I thought the same way. Once her lawyer starts bending her ear, she'll get all sorts of wild ideas about what she is "entitled" to. If you don't take precautions in advance, it will be too late.