Authentic Happiness for Ex-JW’s Part 1

by Mindchild 6 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mindchild
    Mindchild

    Strange as it seems, the happiest day I remember of in my entire life as a Jehovah’s Witness happened on the opening day of a week long District Assembly in California when I was a young teenager. Three things came together that day to give me a short glimpse of authentic happiness. The first was that my parents decided I was old enough to give me just a tiny bit more freedom and allow me to sit where I wanted, to do volunteer work if I wanted, and even gave me a few dollars for meals. Like a slave suddenly given a reprieve, I immediately disappeared into the huge crowd of Witnesses and made a beeline to the nearest refreshment stand to buy a piece of cantaloupe with a scoop of ice cream (the second perk that day) followed by the best treat of all, the freedom to ignore the boring drivel coming from the stage for the rest of the day. JW life was all down hill from there.

    In the twenty some odd years I’ve been free from the Witnesses, I certainly have far fewer days of negative events in my life. No more boring meetings for me, studying ideological crap, being forced to preach crap, preparing talks, having my life manipulated by the elders or the Society, and certainly no fears at all of getting murdered by the hateful and vengeful Jehovah. All this…and on the average, I’m not much happier than the day of freedom I described above.

    Hey, my life isn’t bad, and I certainly know lots of ex-dubs a lot unhappier than myself, but why can’t I get a WHOLE lot happier in my life? I want to wake up in the morning with a million dollar smile, absolutely delighted to be alive, and spend my whole day like I was having one long continuous orgasm. Well, maybe that is a bit much, but I’ve seen and know people that are so damn happy it makes me sick from jealousy. Hell, I would be grateful just to have the weekends that way.

    I’m not talking about getting high, drinking, laid, or eating some fantastic food. These are things that are transitory in your daily life and if you indulge in them too much you would be a drug addict, alcoholic, sex addict, or glutton. Rather, I’m making reference to your average level of happiness, the mean, how you describe your life in general. What is your happiness speedometer set on? 90 mph? I feel mine is only 20 mph and I want to drive through life a lot faster.

    Well at this point I have some good news and bad news for you. You see, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and research on what it takes to be authentically happy. I was quite astonished to find that my own ideas on what made people happy were way off base. It seems that the new science of positive psychology is making a lot of heads turn and rethink what it takes to have lasting fulfillment and happiness in your life. I can tell you this right now; it sure isn’t something the Watchtower Society can give you!

    Will making a lot of money make you happy? If not, just how much do you need?

    Are people happier when they are married or not?

    Can you be happy if you have poor health or even a terrible disease?

    Does religion make people happier?

    Will you be happier living in a warm climate or a cold climate?

    Do material things make you happier?

    How much difference is there between how happy people are in one country or another?

    In my next post, I will share with you what I discovered about the myths of what makes you happy and share online links that allow you to briefly test how happy your life is compared to the population at large, and to test your potential for how happy you can be. In my final post, I will outline strategies tailored for ex-JW’s to realize their maximum potential for lasting happiness.

    So, are you happier now than you were a dub? Why do you think that is?

    Skipper

  • Hamas
    Hamas

    Hi Skipper,

    To be honest, when a thread is this long in size, I don't bother reading it. Something in my brain tells my eyes to stop absorbing information, and just scroll to the bottom for the punchline. However, on this occassion, I read the whole post !

    It was great. I look forward to your next post, my friend.

    As regards your question, I think I am a lot happier than when I was a JW. Yet, like you, only at 20mph. I look forward to your next post with interest.

  • logansrun
    logansrun

    Was this post at all inspired by Martin Sieligman's book "Authentic Happiness"?

    Bradley

  • Double Edge
    Double Edge

    Interesting post. Looking foreward to your next. btw... Congrats on making Jedi!

  • Mindchild
    Mindchild

    Bradley asked, Was this post at all inspired by Martin Sieligman's book "Authentic Happiness"?

    Yes, it is one of the resources I used in my research and his website, however prior to coming across this excellent book, I did research on happiness (statistical analysis work) at the University of Minnesota Chronobiology lab. Additionally, I used information from several other psychology sources along with some previous ex-JW "happiness" polls by "Larc" another former poster on this board. On top of this, I have numerous resources from web searches about the topic of happiness.

    Interestingly however, all these research studies and analysis don't fully explain everything there is to know about happiness. In fact, there are a lot of unanswered questions. At least though there is enough useful material to apply that should give meaningful results. It better, grrrr.

    Skipper

  • Inquiry
    Inquiry

    Good topic mind....

    I am most certainly happy to be free of the borg... though I was quite happy to become one of em at the time... Ignorance is truly bliss, however temporary Visit Smiley Central!...lol. I can say in retrospect that I am happier now than I was as a dub. I accept myself now, which I couldn't do as a dub. The quality of my life has improved much since I left the borginisation. Not so much materially, but as a person living my life.

    I think happiness is mostly a state of mind... I define my happiness by how content I am in my circumstances... I am a typically happy/content personVisit Smiley Central!, for the most part. Lot in life notwithstanding....I'm not typically euphoricly happy... though I have had some pretty euphoric momentsVisit Smiley Central!. I have also had my share of downs... Visit Smiley Central!

    For the most part, a balance between the two is what I aim for. I personally don't beleive that a person can be euphoric all the time, and I don't think that would be good for us.. although looking forward to moments of euphoric joy is a pleasure... just as I beleive people shouldn't suffer being down all the time....most of us know someone who struggles with depression of various degrees... we try to help them to be happy....

    I think life in general is a balance between moments of happiness, sadness and the mundanity in between. It's been my experience, especially with the young, that it's the mundanity of every day life that some have trouble accepting. A large part of our lives is mundane activity... Visit Smiley Central! like doing the dishes... cleaning the house, doing laundry.... making a living or barely getting by....I know my son complains bitterly sometimes that he's bored... but when suggestions are made to him, he rejects them.... prefering instead to complain about being bored.... Visit Smiley Central!(He's 18) I cope with mundanity by having interests... I paint, read, write, even dream....I love gardens, people, animals, crafts... you know, all of that... so, when the opportunity arises... I find my happiness that way. Visit Smiley Central! Visit Smiley Central! Visit Smiley Central! Visit Smiley Central!

    I don't think it's too corny to observe that p eople are generally happier when they do things that they like to do. The freedom of my everyday life now compared to the everyday drudgery of being a dub, certainly adds to my feeling of "happiness". When you've had it rough, even a little better is better.

    I don't compare my being happy to what makes others happy. Even if I'm a little different than the rest of the children... usually not, but sometimes I can stand out like a sore thumb... Visit Smiley Central!I'm still content inside. For the most part, I know who I am...I wouldn't trade being me... I think I contribute in good ways and I'm content with that. OTOH, I know people that appear happy on the outside and are absolutely miserable on the inside. Visit Smiley Central!Pretenders. I know I couldn't stand living like that. I also know people who are happy and they wreak havoc in other people's lives.... Visit Smiley Central!Vicious....and I know I couldn't stand living like that either....

    I think the point I'm trying to make is that happiness is not as elusive as most people think... it comes from inside, accepting who you are, and doing what you need/want to do.

    I have moments when I'm not happy at all... like when my parents died... when I broke my leg and my dub world crumbled, ... when I lose a good friend... hard to be happy given those circumstances... but I also have comfort at the same time... I still had my parents, (my father in particular was very beneficial in my life, I will always miss him, but I'm so happy I had him) I have a wonderful son... nearly adult now, but fills my life up with lots of activity....my life changed when I broke my leg, my dub world needed to crumble so that I could live a better life, if I handn't gone and broken my leg... that my not have happened..... I've made new friends and still cherish the memory of lost friendships... you know..that sort of thing.

    Now having more money to have more time to do and have the things I need and want to do more freely, now I can see that making me have more happier moments, and my son would love that!!!!! But as to making me a happier person? I am who I am, and I'm content with that.

    Just my two... and a half! I didn't know this was going to be so long! Visit Smiley Central!

    Inq

  • sens
    sens
    I want to wake up in the morning with a million dollar smile, absolutely delighted to be alive, and spend my whole day like I was having one long continuous orgasm

    Mindchild...in the short time ive known you, this is the first time your have shocked me

    Keep up the good work...

    3 Sens 4

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