What happens to a persons record when one gets D'F. I use to attend all the meetings, give #4 talks in the school and turn in 6-10 hours in service every month. I was on vacation and had a relationship with a lady. I went to the elders and confessed my sins and did not return to this coarse of life but the elders put the extreme heat on me and act like they do not want me around, talk to me or have any thing to do with me. Other publishers are the same. Do they forget all the good times we had together or what. I see Jw around where I go to school or where I shop and they rush to avoid me. What happens to my record that I had. Is all lost? Why cannot they see that I am in my 40's and need a female companion and association other than those at the hall. All some will talk about there is their akes and pains. The so called more mature ones just tell me the stock answer just "attend all your meetings and go out in service" Really what happens to my record?
Time, Meeting Attendance, School Talks, Good standing
by CaptK 6 Replies latest jw friends
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Phantom Stranger
As far as techically what happens to your records, go to www.dirtclod.com and read the letters to elders from the WTS about what to do with the records after a judicial commitee.
As far as do they forget... sorry for what you're having to deal with, dude, after a perfectly normal and human event... but yes, they do.
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undercover
The troubling thing about your experience is that if this "indiscretion" happened while you were out of town and no one knew it(I'm guessing) until you told the elders, how did the rest of the congregation find out about it? The elders are not to let that information out to the rest of the congregation. Sounds like there might be a leak (if you told no one outside the elders).
Assuming that you were indeed DF'd for your "unrepentance", then the congregation is to shun you. They are not to speak to you, associate with you, sit with you at meetings, etc. Your record means nothing at this point. When you are reinstated, you basically have to start over in building up "a record of good-standing".
If you weren't DF'd, but publicly reproved, you will lose "privileges" but should not be shunned. But some of the more over-zealous, over-righteous ones will look down on you anyway. Again the record doesn't mean a whole lot. Your true friends may be hurt or embarrassed for you or because of you, but they will forgive and forget and continue to be your friends. It seems this is when you find out who your real friends are, when something like this happens.
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shotgun
Hi CaptK
It does not sound like you are df'd if ones still talk to you about thier aches and pains.
Your record is still in the hall or with the secretary but it means about as much now as when they were still talking to you...not a whole lot.
You could have singlehandly built the hall and donated the land its on, then break a rule JW rule and its dismissed quite quickly. I know that sounds heartless and cruel but thats what happens when a group of men enforce inflexible rules without mercy on fragile human beings.
It sounds like right now you need friendship from people who accept you for who you are. I hope you have some friends to talk with and help you through this. If not the forum has alot of people who have experienced what you are going through.
Sorry for your situation..take care CaptK
Shotgun
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run dont walk
I went to the elders and confessed my sins
why did you do this ???
but the elders put the extreme heat on me and act like they do not want me around, talk to me or have any thing to do with me. Other publishers are the same.
so forgiving aren't they.
Do they forget all the good times we had together or what.
not only do they forget all the good times, they also forget how to forgive their own !!!
Why cannot they see that I am in my 40's and need a female companion
this is why I left the borg at 20, I could see myself growing old alone, When I met my wife (after letting SO many pass by), I said enough is enough. My brother is 40, still lives at home with my mom and in the borg, yeah sounds like fun doesn't it.
and association other than those at the hall.
because, you can only associate with JW's, that way if you decide to leave, when you hit the outside world you are so overwelmed and lonely, there's a good chance you will come crawling back.
The so called more mature ones just tell me the stock answer just "attend all your meetings and go out in service"
You know they should change Genesis 1:1 to In the beginning god created a commandment for all to follow, go to meetings, service and trust me.
I feel for you Captain, I know exactly what you're going through, sorry if I come across a bit sacastic, but I have heard this story so many times, including in my own household, and I still don't have an answer, did Jesus not say "Only God can judge, because he knows the heart.", If JW's would only read this scripture everyday. I have no answers Captain, that's just the way they are, and their attitude is how dare you make are congregation look bad.
Well, their loss is our gain, glad you are here, you will meet a lot of true people here !!!!!!!!!!!
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Maverick
Dear Capt.K Let's bottom line this OK! You tried to work within the system and the system failed you. As "imperfect" people God has to work with us. The WatchTower claims to represent God. They talk the talk but don't walk the walk. They are petty, spiteful, brutish, and haughty. Does that sound like the God you want to worship? Face the facts! These people are fakes. It is a paper tiger. You might as well believe in the Hobbit. Good standing...in what? Fairyland? They have only the power you give them. Watch them run away if you show them no fear! Maverick
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CaptK
I know it seems there is plenty of substatutions when you come into the truth. You know plenty of freinds over, invited here and there, but over time people go their seperate ways and could care less as to your needs. It seems that you are labeled based on how many meetings you attend, hours of service you put in, and talks you give at the school. Who knows though there could be someone that everyone thinks is great but a real "a**hole in his private life. So over my 26 years my record means nothing, the so called freinds just right me off. I have felt that the WT system all along has many holes in it. Too much central control, individuals move up based on who you know, the lowly get shafted and always get the s**t jobs because they are not in the in click.... but somehow they are good enough to get literature from a depot stop, pickup brother elderly, do errands for so and so, because as you know the elders are too busy with their sheparding work. More later