String Theories, God Particles, and Mayonnaise

by TerryWalstrom 3 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  TerryWalstrom

  String Theories, God Particles, and Mayonnaise
  _______
  Every morning they meet.
  Same table.
  Same conversations.

  3 Old Coots recycle stale ideas, rehash moth-eaten memories, and wear down my patience.

  I could have moved to another table. There was no clean alternative.

  I could order To Go.
  Didn't wanna.
  I tried tuning them out.
  Ain't gonna happen.

  I sit with my back to them. I hear everything all too clearly.
  _____

  I'll describe white hair, glasses, drab clothes, blah blah, and blah.
  Only voices distinctly differ.

  1st guy sounds like a crushed windpipe.
  CW.
  The 2nd guy has a boomy voice.
  BV.
  The 3rd guy snuffles and his voice is nasal.
  SN .
  ________
  BV: "Women don't carry purses anymore."
  CW: "How would you know?"
  SN: "The don't wear underwear either--just thongs."
  BV: "We call em' flip-flops in Waco.
  CW: "You mean boobs?"
  ______
  BV: "I'm getting up for a refill, you need anything?"
  CW: "Oh, don't make any fuss about me."
  SN: "I'll take a fried pie and a butt wipe."
  BV: "You being funny?"
  CW: "Don't chance it. Get him one."
  __________
  SN: "I'm itching to get my new outboard."
  CW: "That's hemorrhoids."
  SN: "It's Evinrude."
  CW: "No I ain't--I'm just making an observation."
  ___________
  In the course of 15 minutes of listening all this nonsense, I feel my I.Q. draining away.
  As I get up to leave, CW croaks at me and points.
  
  CW: "What do you think about all this?"
  6 pairs of eyes fix on me.
  
  Me: "We live in an age of String Theory, God Particles, and Mayonnaise (pause for effect)...
  I still prefer mustard."

  I leave quickly. I figure that will give them another half an hour's worth of conversation.
  ____________
  _________
• 

  Iown Mylife

  My old mother in law used to tell me Everyone needs recognition. I think those old coots were trying to entertain you, wanting your attention.

  I thought that outboard joke was funny!
• 

  waton

  I thought that outboard joke was funny!

  not even rude!
  
  
• 

  TerryWalstrom

  What strikes me funny about these old fellas is that NONE of them is actually witty or funny, but it seems to happen inadvertently!
  It's a case of Grandpa accidentally making you laugh.
  
  The Boomy Voice guy talks way too much about God all the time and says really, way out and ridiculous things. It's hard to just sit and listen.
  The Crushed Windpipe fella is almost never on topic. I get the feeling he's not listening most of the time; just waiting his turn.
  
  The 3rd guy always speaks as though he's certain of whatever he's saying.
  I never hear them argue. They just disagree or agree by accident.